Information Overload!

Information overload!

Some days the cosmic cow pie of life just gets overwhelming with "things to do." Connecting the dots just don't get done as fast as they should.

Reading e-mail is no longer fun... or is it just me?  The most irritating part of reading the e-mail are the "forwards" from some people who are still living in last century communication spheres!  How many times have I gotten the same forward? delete, delete, delete, delete.

Having received so many warnings on things that can harm me I am now prepared..... we all should have major behavior modification with all the information we have received from our e-mail inbox! 

A big thank you to my facebook friend 500 "TEA" (fun story) for sending me a compressive summary of all the things I should know now! Thanks "Tea" this ones for you!   I asked her who penned this work of art and she had no clue.. so credit is going to some unknown e-mail author!  I know, I know.. copyright violations.. but this is so great I hope you will look the other way and laugh for a few minutes!   Here goes.....from the unkown e-mail author!

As we progress into the year 2010, I want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails over the past year.

I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

• I no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, or have the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.                                                                
• I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.                                                              
  
• I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it last washed.                                                                                                                                                                                                        
  
• I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose.

• Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

• I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.

• I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

• ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

• I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die for the 7,258th time.

• I no longer have any money, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

• I can't have a drink in a bar because I'll wake up in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone.

• I can't eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.

• I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

• THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

• BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

• I no longer buy gas without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

• I no longer drink Pepsi or Fanta since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans.

• I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer.

• AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring me for life.

• I no longer go to the movies because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS when I sit down.

• I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

• I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex since they are actually Al Qaeda agents in disguise.

• And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

• I no longer buy cookies from Neiman-Marcus since I now have their recipe.

• THANKS TO YOU I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

• AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE I can't ever pick up a coin dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.

• I no longer drive my car because buying gas from some companies supports Al Qaeda, and buying gas from all the others supporting South American dictators.

• I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.

Thanks again to "Tea bird" in NYC a fun cyber friend who sent me this e-mail today and made me laugh! This is post number 198 so working on 2 more.. be assured that 199 and 200 on 8-22-10 are going to be "news you can use.'