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Forgiveness

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 Never does the human soul appear so strong as when it forgoes revenge, and dares forgive an injury.  ~E.H. Chapin

I know a little something about forgiveness.  I’ve wronged and been wronged in my life, which I'm sure is the story with pretty much all of us.  Some are little everyday things that you can let slide by because they were meaningless nothings, someone just needed to blow off steam.

Some are huge monsters that haunt your mind and won’t let you have quiet.  You will punish yourself many times more than the person who wronged you, because you can’t let it go.  You’ll rehash it time and time again, just wanting to feel that sting. 

I have no idea why we punish ourselves so much, but we do.  There must be something in ourselves that likes that sense of righteous indignation we get out of it.

But there comes a time when you have to let go, just for you.

The person who hurt you has moved on.  You’re still stuck in a moment, tortured by a beast you kept feeding.  I know this part, too.

One of the best feelings in the world is when you finally let it go. When you forgive someone, you aren’t doing it for them.  You’re doing it for YOU. 

The best revenge you can ever get on anyone else is just to live a good life.  Don’t let them break you, don’t let them carve out that time before you fall asleep with fresh torture every night.  Let it go and walk away.  Concentrate on whatever good thing you have going and just move on.

After a while, look back.  If you’ve really been living for yourself, you’ll realize it really doesn’t hurt that much anymore.  Over time, you’ll get to just be you again, and whatever you couldn’t forgive is now just something that happened in the past.  It’s gone.

My two step program for living a good life:

  1. Find someone you can truly love and let yourself be happy.
  2. Let yourself let go of hurt.

It’s really not that hard once you give yourself permission.

Comments (24)

Sarah Cooper
Real Estate Shows - Hurricane, WV

Chris - That's exactly what I'm talking about, we only hurt ourselves.  Thanks for that!!

Maggie - LOL!  Oh, the other post isn't shocking -- it's just shocking that I was actually talking about real estate for a minute there.  ;o)

Aug 22, 2007 10:40 PM
Missy Caulk
Missy Caulk TEAM - Ann Arbor, MI
Savvy Realtor - Ann Arbor Real Estate

Sarah, If we don't forgive, we are tortured, ( bad thoughts, crippling thoughts ). We have all been wronged, certainly some more than others. But, if we hold on to the anger, it turns inward on us. Best to let it go.

Depending on the situation, it is not easy and shouldn't be made light of. Sometimes I have written a long letter to person and gotten it all out. I put the letter away, read it a few days later and then it doesn' seem so bad. I have never wanted to mail it or have, I just to it for myself.

Most people think forgiveness is a feeling, it is not. Forgiveness is a decision. Today, I chose to forgive_______. We have to do it more than once in some instances.

One other thing, I have learned about forgiveness... forgiveness doesn't mean we FORGET. It just means we let it go, and don't let it determine who we are and our future destiny.

 

Aug 22, 2007 11:30 PM
James Gordon
Sibcy Cline Realtors® - Cincinnati, OH
REALTOR, PBD SFR SRS
Sometimes you need to give yourself permission to move on. That and a good exterminator helps a lot
Aug 22, 2007 11:32 PM
Sarah Cooper
Real Estate Shows - Hurricane, WV

Missy - I wish I'd said that.  Forgiveness IS a decision.  Sometimes you can't get to it until you decide you will and MAKE yourself.  And yes, sometimes it does take more than once.  Thank you.

James - Exterminator?!  I think there's a story there ... !!  Lol!

Aug 22, 2007 11:46 PM
James Gordon
Sibcy Cline Realtors® - Cincinnati, OH
REALTOR, PBD SFR SRS
To check the next prospect for termites. You need a clear WDI report before you make your purchase!
Aug 22, 2007 11:48 PM
Sarah Cooper
Real Estate Shows - Hurricane, WV
James - Oh, you're good!  I wasn't thinking about this!  LOL!!
Aug 22, 2007 11:51 PM
Brian Schulman
Coldwell Banker Residential Brokerage, Lancaster PA - Lancaster, PA
Lancaster County PA RealEstate Expert 717-951-5552
Sarah, I figured some time ago that harboring resentment and anger was costing ME, not those that had wronged me.  Letting it go became a gift for myself, that allowed me to get on with my life.  I didn't forget, and I'm not so sure I forgave, but I did let go of the anger and move on.
Aug 22, 2007 11:56 PM
Ginger Wilcox
Sindeo - San Francisco, CA
I have gotten much better about forgiveness in the past few years.  If you don't, it can eat you alive.  But, if you mess with my friends or family- just watch out!  Forgive?  No way?  You would think I am Italian (but I a not- just an aries!)
Aug 23, 2007 01:20 AM
Thomas Weiss
Thomas R. Weiss - West Palm Beach, FL

Sarah,

I'm stubborn, but as for forgiving someone or something, it just eats away at you, if you don't try and forgive, Now if the situation is a severe one, well I don't know about that..

Tom Weiss

Aug 23, 2007 02:05 AM
Julie Neerings~Lifting Hearts ♥ Building Dreams~
Agent Referral - Salt Lake City, UT
Sarah what a great way to move on.  Been there, done that.  It's amazing how much of a burden can be carried with you by not forgiving, and boy is it a relief once you let a go.  
Aug 23, 2007 02:17 AM
Allison Werner
To Be Announced - Middletown, NJ
Hi Sarah, I have found I am the last person to forgive myself, but I am quick to forgive others. Many of the things I dwell on just before I fall asleep have long been forgiven AND forgotten by everyone else. If only I could be as easy on myself as I am on everyone else... now that would be a relief!
Aug 23, 2007 02:32 AM
Dianne Barody
Century 21 AmeriSouth Realty - Pensacola, FL
Pensacola Florida Real Estate
Hi Sarah, did you write this especially for me?  I have come to that point where I have forgiven and let it all go.  I feel much better with that heavy burden off of my shoulders. 
Aug 23, 2007 05:20 AM
Celeste "SALLY" Cheeseman
Liberty Homes - Mililani, HI
(RA) AHWD CRS ePRO OAHU HAWAII REAL ESTATE
And forgive myself....for all the years I put myself through all the pain instead of letting go.....
Aug 23, 2007 06:10 AM
Sarah Cooper
Real Estate Shows - Hurricane, WV

Brian - "A gift for yourself."  Yes, it is, and that's a good way to put it.

Ginger - LOL!!  I've gotten better about forgiveness in the past few years, too -- but I'm with you on the friends and family bit!!  Don't mess with My People!!  

Tom - The severe ones are usually the ones that help us most when we can finally let go.

Julie - YES, it's a huge relief!!  And you had no idea until you could finally be done with it.

Allison - I do harp on my own mistakes longer than anyone else's.  That one might take us more work, huh?

Dianne - LOL!  No, I didn't write this for you -- and I'm glad you didn't need it.

Sally - Please forgive yourself.  You let go now, and that's what matters.

Aug 23, 2007 06:45 AM
Thomas Weiss
Thomas R. Weiss - West Palm Beach, FL

Sarah,

Point well taken..

Thanks,

Tom Weiss

Aug 23, 2007 08:19 AM
Steve Conklin - Iroquois County IL, Realtor®
none - Danforth, IL

WOW...why are you in my head? I have been dealing with this very issue for far too long now! The wound was opened again just last night and here I am wallowing in something I haven't been able to let go of for almost 7 years now...I have tried and tried and tried to forgive this person for what was done...but right now it is way too deep of a wound for me. especially when this person keeps digging at it...ah what to do...I know my misery isn't hurting her at all and that I really need to move on...but it ain't working yet!

Aug 23, 2007 03:58 PM
Sarah Cooper
Real Estate Shows - Hurricane, WV

Tom - :o)

Steve - You said two key things right here.  You've been dealing with this for far too long and your misery isn't hurting her at all.  I don't know what it's about but it sounds awful, and I'd probably hang onto it too long myself.  I guess you can't avoid her to keep her from digging at it, huh?  All I can say is try again.  You deserve to be free of the pain.  You've done your time.  Like Missy said, it's a decision.  You have to make a disconnect, separate yourself from that piece of your past and move on.  I know you can.  Try again.

Aug 23, 2007 09:05 PM
Midori Miller
Talk 2 Midori, LLC - Daytona Beach, FL
Online Marketing For Real Estate Professionals

Hi Sarah-I ran across your post this morning and thought is was timely for me!  I noticed when there is no foregiveness there is turmoil.  We are blessed with life....why waste it!  For me I just had to close my eyes and tell myself, be strong.....you are never alone....move forward and move on.  Thanks....I believe often time the messages we need to hear and be reminded are on the rain.  This one....I needed! 

I love your new photo!  You are such a beauty inside and out!

Aug 31, 2007 06:02 AM
Sarah Cooper
Real Estate Shows - Hurricane, WV

Midori, I have probably changed my photo five times since you said that, but thank you. 

I went looking for this just to tell me again.  I'm glad it was there when you needed to hear it.  :o)

Nov 12, 2007 07:25 AM
Sarah Cooper
Real Estate Shows - Hurricane, WV
Steve, every now and then I wonder how you're doing with this.  Miss you.
Apr 02, 2008 08:14 AM