How often in college..... I used to see hands go up with puzzled faces on the first day of class right after the syllabus was handed out. Just first glance at the class instruction tells you that something is not clear and the questions that followed proved it. People think just because they have written or said something.....that it was received. That is your first mistake and unless corrected, your last....
IT IS THE RESPONSIBILITY OF THE COMMUNICATOR......TO COMMUNICATE
A speaker, teacher, parent or person in authority who has been doing this for a while becomes aware of how important interacting between individuals can be. Are we "talking with or talking at" each other.....is the question
On submarines, orders are given in clear, precise instruction and then repeated back. The environment is conducive to accuracy and connecting with one another. Not only is it effective and efficient, but required as part of the business model and mission of the Sub. Results: The purpose and the mission is running at OPTIMUM.
Teachers have to make sure that what they are "teaching" is "reaching" the student or are they just talking heads collecting a paycheck and the student is "deer in the headlights" because of it. The student watches the clock and the teacher hurries through the course. All want it to end. Nobody wins here.
MAKE YOUR SELF KNOWN.....THEN UNDERSTOOD
Married couples spend more time arguing redundantly and never resolving issues because no one really knows what the issues are. First off, talk about one thing only. Multiple issues cannot be resolved all at the same time. Then, the one talking has the floor while the one listening gets to demonstrate silence, patience, and empathy or genuine interest in the other. This encourages the speaker to risk, open up, and trust. Nodding your head while the other speaks encourages the speaker. Eye contact encourages and cements the moment. Then, roles are reversed and you get to receive the same treatment and courtesies. Once the issue has been identified, sent, acknowledged, and sent back, then..... the two have truly practiced..... becoming one. That "ONE" is going places and sucking the marrow out of life...bon appetite here.
When the President of the United States speaks, be advised that behind the scenes, everything that he will speak about has been gone over for multi-precision and clarity. In the speech itself, it verifies the subject matter and reinforces it so that there is no misunderstanding or misinterpretations. Any error by the President and his staff could start a run on the stock market, interfere with International Business activities and even cause another world power to misinterpret our position or our enemies to assume a weakness.
In the corporate world, emails, laser like phone calls, and meetings all serve to explore, fine tune, and then carry forward the corporation's mandates and directives......the business plan or plan of the business. The employees, stockholders, and the public have to all line up and harmonize so that each day produces the required results. This starts from the TOP down and what we are doing, why we are doing it. and how we are going to get there has to be "clear from ear to ear".
Parents, before you pull the patience plug and go into your anger and threats rant, you would be wise to make sure that the kids, children, or teen know exactly what you are talking about. Not everyone is on your page. Yet, you have the power and the request, so...... take some time out to simplify, clarify, identify, and then magnify what you are saying and why.
Coaches who need to get teams to perform know the value of being understood. The coaches need to form their teams into one GIANT EAR listening to one GIANT MOUTH before they can even begin to practice getting good at what they have gathered for.
NEVER BLAME OR BELIEVE THAT IT IS THE OTHER PERSON WHO IS THE PROBLEM......START WITH YOU
Testing the waters.......
To make sure you are being heard, the following tools are recommended:
1. Have the person you are talking to repeat back what you said. Right there, 90% of the problem will be outed, corrected and resolved. You will be shocked to learn that you failed.. Resist the temptation to argue and repeat what did not work, but instead...leap on the second opportunity to go again and be heard..
2. Make your statements in brief, laser like bursts, and use the pause process.....and ask your audience the following.....Does that make sense? Are you tracking with me? Would you like further clarity? May I proceed?. Works every time....if you do it
3. Listen to what people are saying BACK to you. That is why it is called FEED BACK". People are going to give you back (feed) your own words that they heard. Don't be shocked when you hear you did not hit your mark. Be relieved that now you can......and then DO IT.
4. Try to connect. It is the most underrated and underused dynamic by Speaker-Hear-ers all over the world dating back to the origin of language itself. Is the purpose of the dialog working and producing its intended result? Do all parties understand and agree.....? When that connection kicks in, dialog, words and conversation are replaced by ACTIONS and RESULTS. Very satisfying to the all concerned.
Remember....when the receiver of your message says "THEY GOT IT", then they truly got it and not when you say they got it...you are now relieved from your responsibility to communicate and ...... HAVE SPOKEN WELL.