Home : Blogs : Sheldon Neal ~ That British Agent ~ Bergen County NJ : ThatBritishAgent's Blog

... Kill them with Kindness !!! ... YOU WIN every time !

Haha ! I Love it when a plan comes off !!!!

With the stress and challenges facing pretty much everyone on the planet right now, it's very easy for people you run into to be GROUCHY out there !

... but it doesnt mean that you should respond in the same way !!!!

I had a great example today of how I PAUSED, and took a breath while thinking about my IMMEDIATE REACTION to a situation, rethought it, and delivered a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT RESPONSE than I was originally going to give !

Here it is:

Yesterday I sent out a very pleasant "Happy Labor Day Weekend!" email to my database.

I received about a dozen responses wishing me a Happy Weekend too, but ONE was different, here was the reply.

"Dude, get me off your list NOW"

Well Now !

My immediate reaction was to reply:

"Relax 'DUDE' I was just wishing you a Happy Weekend ! - Why dont you get your head outta your *** and see that the sun is shining and that there are some nice things out there to SMILE about ... including my Happy Labor Day Email !!!!!!"

... but after taking a breath... I actually sent him this instead ...

"Hi Dan, got your email, no problem at all.
Sorry for the inconvenience, I'll remove you from getting my emails right away.
Hope you enjoy your Labor Day Weekend :o)
Cheers !
Sheldon"

... I immediately archived the client (sticking to my word that he wont get any more emails), felt good that I hadnt stooped to his grouchy level, and figured I wouldnt hear from him again.

... instead, 1 hour later I received this email reply.

"Thank you Sheldon! You too have a nice weekend as well. And please keep sending me your monthly newsletters.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH !!!

If I had sent the first reply with my initial snippy response back to him, do you think I would have got this nice email back ??

... so by 'killing him with kindness' he will STILL get my "Branded Newsletter" emailed to him each month, and I have a feeling that because I handled his Grouchy Order in a calm, and kind manner, that he may just call me some time down the road when he needs to buy or sell a home !

... at the very least he's going to remember that I'm the local expert, because he 'requested' to keep getting my extremely valuable monthly newsletters !!!

Ha ! ... chalk one up to ThatKindBritishAgent :o)

Follow Sheldon on these sites below !

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Posted by Sheldon Neal ~ That British Agent ~ Bergen County NJ on 09/04/2010 06:07 PM

Comments (72)

Kill Them With Kindness in the ActiveRain Channel

kill them with kindness

Originally posted at: Sheldon's Blog: ... Kill them with Kindness !!! ... YOU WIN every time !

Generate short URL

Post is included in group: The Art Of Marketing You
Post is included in group: The Optimist
Post is included in group: Cosmic Cow Pie...The Rome Way
Post is included in group: Club Chaos
Post is included in group: BananaTude

72 Comments on ... Kill them with Kindness !!! ... YOU WIN every time !

SEP

2010

SHELDON:

kILLING ME SOFTY WITH HIS SONG---sounds so familiar

Stephen

Sheldon - that's great!! I've been taking a lot of deep breaths too.... Your results are great!

Way to Go Sheldon!!!

Hi Sheldon,

You do get better results when you kill them with kindness. Smart to take a deep breath and not a knee jerk reaction..Cheers for keeping your client..You are "That Kind British Agent !!!!!" Have a safe and Happy Labor Day week-end!

I find it hard to believe that the first response passed even briefly through your mind Sheldon. Great results from your well thought out email though.

LOL!! I had this same conversation last night that you posted about with an individual who was asking me questions about Feng Shui. He told me a story of how someone cut him off with their car and then yelled and gave him the finger...that is pretty aggressive behavior. He asked how do you deal with someone like that? After he told me that story I started laughing because I remembered how I handled a similar situation :)

The person I dealt with was yelling and hot headed and after flipping me the bird all I could do was laugh and say " Thank you, have a great day too!" and waved bye...the look on their face was priceless (like why aren't they going to be mad too?)...made me laugh even more LOLOL!! I told him you have the power to role off these individuals negative energy, Anger feeds on anger, so yes kill them with kindness and love, yes love. :)

marti garaughty, The Art of Marketing YOU

Sheldon - It is not easy to not react but it is definitely beneficial. A positive response can change your whole day. :D

Kinda like the marshal arts. You don't push, you give and they fall over. Excellent job. Have a great weekend.

You did the right thing Sheldon. oh, excuse me, you kind British Agent you...

It's hard to react with kindness sometimes, but most of the time it is the correct way to react. You did good.

What a great lesson for us all...well done. I'm sure he felt embarrassed for his initial email. I love that he came running back asking to be allowed back into the fold!

Stephen ! Love that song my friend !

Christine ! It's funny, but almost every single time I take a breath before firing back, and think it through, then reply with something less abrasive, I'm always SO GLAD I TOOK THAT BREATH!!!!!

Letitia ! Thank you thank you !!!

Dorie ! It almost forces them to bring it down a notch if you are nice when they have not been ! It's not easy to do, but if you can pull it off, it works great !!! Have a great weekend too Dorie !!

Tammy ! Oh I have a little Tammy Lankford feistiness in me ;o) But I do this type of reply all the time, and it gets fabulous results almost like clockwork !!!! :o)

Laura ! Perfect ! Thats the one thing that catches them off guard when they are looking for an angry encounter !!! Good for you :o)

Marti ! You just made my night ! I finally became a Sharp Cookie ! Priceless !

Patty ! You got that right ! And if you walk away smiling, even if they walk away steaming, you win :o)

Jane ! Excellent example - that's exactly the concept :o) Cheers and you look great for 200 !

Evelyn ! Haha ! Thank you for addressing me correctly :o) LOLOL !!

Debra ! Thank you kindly and I agree :o)

Sheldon - I've always been a big fan of "killing them with kindness" and it usually works everytime. Have a great Labor Day weekend!

I have several of those "take a breath" moments a week, it seems. With all the difficulties facing transactions this year...well, people get tense. My goal is to try to be an oasis of facts, objectivity and reasonableness in a sea of emotion & stress out there.

Cheers!

I love this story.. we should all remember that by being positive we can influence grouches! Now go have a great labor day weekend.

Sharon ! I'm pretty sure he was taken aback, and maybe even a little embarrassed ! I think he respects me for the handling though !

Michelle ! Yep, thats what I've found !Have a great one too !

Jeff ! Very nicely said my friend ! Great goal to follow !!!

Joan ! I love this story too ;o) It always makes me feel good when this happens !! And per your request, I shall go enjoy my Labor Day Weekend ! You do the same ! Cheers Joan !

Shel, normally I take a deep breath, wait, take another deep breath, take the high road, bla bla bla. Yes, normally it works.

OK, you noticed I said normally. Today I didn't pass the kindness test. After 4 days of stupidness on the part of someone else they ended up costing a client of mine 600 bucks. I lost it today. I also lost any respect for this person I had. I didn't take the high road, I didn't take a deep breath, I just aimed both barrels and fired.

Shame on me.... well, maybe not.

But yes, it works, it is the right thing to do.

I am confused, he wants to be off your list and then still would receive monthly newsletter?

Hi Sheldon-Good for you my friend. I have practiced biting my tongue many times. Not easy but sometimes it is the best way to handle things. There are grumpy people everywhere but we have to rise above and hold our head high. Way to go my friend. You are a special and definitely KIND fellow. Have a great weekend.

I love it! My mother always taught me since we were very young to "kill em' with kindness", it's HARD sometimes but behind your smile it get's easier! Great way to handle the situation SHeldon!

Andrea - EVERYONE is entitled to pull that trigger on certain occasions - and we are all human !!! Sorry you had a rough one :o(

Eileen ! He didnt want my emails, but he wants my informative and helpful monthly newsletter that he's been getting for years !!!

Sharonah !!!! Hello there my friend !I'm noticing more and more grumpies recently so I guess I am more ready for them these days :o) Thanks for the kind words, and I'm so glad you are doing much better :o)

Kristin ! Your Mom was a smart one ! And that deep breath is a sobering moment that allows your clear thinking ! Cheers and Happy Weekend Kristin !

Kill them with kindness. It works all the time Sheldon. I am suggesting this for a feature by the way. Being nice does pay off after all. And thanks for writing this. You just reminded me to send out my Have a Happy Labor Day Weekend e-mails. Have a Happy Labor Day Weekend Sheldon-LOL. Great post.

Dude, Where's My "Labor Day email" ??? LOL

My mom always said you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. :-) Great job in keeping your cool Sheldon!

SEP

2010

Sheldon, keep killing them with kindness and they'll remember your graciousness down the road, when they're ready to buy or sell. Have super weekend.

Sheldon, sometimes that's the only way to handle "not so nice" people. And oh yes, lots of time I have a different version of words in my mind than in my mouth.

Hi Sheldon.

It works most of the time. My luck in real estate is kind of non-existent, so even very very nice e-mails don't work. Go figure.

Congrats on the feature!

I have a question that has nothing to do with the subject of the post, if you don't mind. How do you add different colors and stuff to your blog post? I tried to look for that but could not find it. Thanks!

Ally

Dude! You're a rock star! Try smiling at grouchy people you pass by in the street, it drives 'em nuts too!

Normally I don't reply back to those that want to be removed. .I just remove them and I go on. . maybe I should respond them with kindness. .

Thanks for the lesson

Sheldon, I've had similar encounters with potential clients that turned around well. You can't go to every fight you're invited to! Have a great Labor Day weekend. :)

Sheldon:

You clever British agent. Always react with kindness (if you can possibly muster it up.) It pays off so much better than an angry response. You never know when you will actually make someones day. I think you probably did with this person and he will not forget you.

BRAVO! Well done!

Sheldon. Good job! You always catch more flies with honey rather than vinegar. Maybe the guy was just having a bad day when he sent his first response. You probably saved him from an entire day of grouchiness. You never know when your kind word may be the one that saves someone's life.

Good, good point. Keep doing the right thing regardless. We all need a dose of inspiration and kindness.

Excellent Sheldon. It's always best to take deep breaths. You know, at our wedding a guest came up to us and asked "Do you know the best way to kill a spouse", since we had just been married and the ink was still wet, we just laughed. His answer? "Kill your spouse with kindness", never forgot that. The same applies anywhere, anytime.

Lanre ! You got it ! Have a great Labor Day too :o)

Mary ! ...it should be in your inbox ;o)

Leah ! Thats how I look at it ! Enjoy your weekend !

Rita ! Haha !You're to nice for some of those 'other' words ! lol

Ally ! Keep at it ! Your luck will turn at some point ! ...I'll email you the info on the colored text ! Cheers !

Janna ! Haha ! I do that all the time ! Especially when I see them in my rear view mirror huffing and puffing with a SCOWL on their face, when they finally speed passed me, I always look over, and give them a big smile !!!!

Fernando ! I used to ignore them and move on, but I have got several 'nice' responses back from replying politely to their 'remove me' emails !

Connie ! Thats a great line ! And you're right...pick your battles !!!

Claudette ! Very true - the other person may just have been having a really bad day, and maybe a little kindness back instead of responding the same way could make their day a little better !

St Cloud ! Thank you thank you :o)

Jeanne & Ralph ! Ha ! Yup thats exactly what I was just saying to Claudette above ! Great minds think alike :o)

Cheryl ! I think so, and one day we'll be having a grouchy day, and hopefully a calm, kind response will help us out of our funk too !

Al & Peggy ! Priceless ! Great story and you will always remember that ! :o)

It always pays to be calm and wait for emotions to cool off before responding to any situation. Good discipline!

Jane Pacheco

Good job taking that deep breath and sending the "kill 'em with kindness" email rather than your other option.

Cooler heads will always prevail!

The old advice from our grandmothers, whether they are British, American or whatever, still holds true. And it makes you feel better to not let them rent space in your head!

Jane ! Thats where phrases like "in the heat of the moment" and "shooting from the hip" come from ! Cooling off first is virtually always the best reaction!

C-Rut ! But that first email would be fun to send right !?!?!? LOL

Kathryn ! ... Grandma's are smarter than they get credit for ;o)

Nice going, Sheldon. That dude should remember how giving you were and willing to respond to his email with generosity. Goes a long way.

You are absolutely correct - these folks are clients with whom we are friendly - it is a healthy boudary to remember - they are not our buds - they are our clients. That boundary should inform all of our communications and actions with them - you can love 'em to death, but we must always remember that we are professionals and that our clients deserve professionalism- and kindness is always best - thanks!

Well said..I too have come close to speaking my true feelings and chanelling it to a kill them with kindness attitude ...which has left me feeling much better than showering the negativity....

There are some great websites that speak of random acts of kindness..thanks for the reminder....

www.myrandomactsofcardness.com

Jay

RE/MAX

Shell...got it done...SHEL..DON?

best

Oh, yeah!??

And THAT's why you are a highway star.... SPS.

I always taught my kids to respond to negativity with kindness - it's just so darn disarming!

I had a great example today of how I PAUSED, and took a breath while thinking about my IMMEDIATE REACTION to a situation, rethought it, and delivered a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT RESPONSE than I was originally going to give !

Sheldon. Sheldon. Sheldon.

Miss Bad Manners would not approve of pausing and rethinking!

LOL

Okay, talk about bipolar! (LOL)

I sometimes send bulk emails to local realtors -- invites to broker opens (where yes I feed them!), special notices about price reductions or incentives, or just FYI tips.

I sent an invite out recently and an agent I thought I was friendly with sent me a nastygram back, and also an unsubscribe from my list. I was surprised and emailed him back nicely that he was removed from the list and to have a great day. He replied back "I said STOP EMAILING ME."

Wow. Talk about hostility!

Kathryn ! I hope he does :o) Either way, I'm still smilin' !

Peggy! Very nicely said !

Jay! You're right and great website link !

Richie ! Ha ! Maybe I have a new tag line !

Alan ! Heck Yeah !

Sal ! Thank yee kindly !

Margaret ! hahaha ! Too true ! SOO disarming ! lol

Bruce ! Ya think I can turn Miss Bad Manners around ??? ;o)

Erica ! LOL ! Yeah there are those that are just lost causes ! But they are a small percentage !

I can't tell you how many times I encounter they same reaction, but face to face. I have no idea why people are so hostile to agents. Just comes with the territory I guess...

Sounds like he might not realized it was you when it first came - more like a multitasking "moment."

Isn't tough though to delete that message and not send it...then if you think about it longer, you think...oh, this is what I shudda said. Then you have a long drawn out email artillery battle...with no decided winner...

:) Have a great weekend!

Sheldon, you made my day. I actually laughed out loud when I read your initial reaction because it's something I would want to do. I'm glad you refrained and kept a potential client. Cool heads always prevail.

Sheldon, you took the right approach to answering his email. Have a good weekend!

Way to handle it Sheldon. The old axiom of honey, bee and vinegar does hold true.

B & D ! Some agents have some set on them the way they talk to other agents !!! They carry the air that they are so much better than everyone else ! Like you I just smile them to death !!!! :o)

Keith ! You may be right ! But he remembered me after my 'calm' reply ! And the artillary battle just digs and digs a deeper hole usually, so yes, I deleted that one, and sent the peace offering instead !! lol Have a good one !

Tammie ! Always happy to give a smile :o) Cheers !

Michael ! - Yeah I think the right email was sent ! Happy Labor Day !

Phil ! It certainly does - although I'd love to throw some vinegar on a few bees once in a while !!!!!!!!!!

Yep, I have found that in today's day and age we all have to take a few more deep breaths. Have a great weekend.

Yes, that's absolutely the only way to go. The emotions from being hurt or offended by a rude customer don't last, but emails certainly do! I'm glad yours made the right lasting impression.

My dear friend, and colleague Andi Grant is "Apple Pie Andi." She's reminded me several times of your very analogy. She practices Apple Pie Andi on numerous occasions, and has suggested I take the same sweetness stance (what?? I'm not sweet?!). She has since dubbed me "Cupcake Carla"

Who doesn't like Apple Pie, Cupcakes . . . Snicker-Doodle Sheldon?!?

LOL #50 Miss BM would not approve pausing and thinking!! Hilarious!!

Congrats on your client turnaround!

Great story and a good lesson. Thanks for sharing.

I'd like to think I would be as smart as you in this instance, I really would. My best guess is that in most cases I would, in a few I'd be silent, and I'd hope to count to 10 on those rare days when I'd like to counter punch.

Excellent reminder that we have to keep our heads.

Lesley ! You got it ! Enjoy your Labor Day too :o)

Sharon! Exactly ! Emails stay as permanent records ! Like you said, you can get over a few harsh words ;o)

Carla ! Hahaha ! Snicker-Doodle Sheldon !!!!

Aaron ! Thank you Sir !

Donna ! My pleasure !

JP ! It's almost NEVER good, when you shoot back with venom ! Happy Labor Day to you

Sheldon - We'll I am not sure I would have done the same thing but now I need to think twice. Maybe I should not just bury it in the sand and move on. Persistence pays off as a nice guy.

Sheldon -Great Attitude one should never take offense at anyone asking to be removed from your list and you should always leave the door wide open for them

Ken ! It takes some work, but when you get used to it - it's kinda fun to fight fire with honey !!!

Kathy ! Thats the key - leave that door open ! Cheers !

I want you to know I'm currently going to "sleep on it" over an email I got today before I respond to it. But I did "shoot from the hip" and blog about it already. (you are so much nicer than me)

SEP

2010

Great words we should all adhear to.

Hahahah ! Then I have helped one poor soul from feeling your wrath (..."from the hip" ;o)
... you made me smile Tammy , thank you ! :o)

Paul ! Thank you Sir ! We can all take a breath before firing back sometimes !

SEP

2010

Snicker Doodle Sheldon (that's hilarious Carla!), intelligent kindness will work every time. It's a kindness that most people seek in their lives. It's definitely not the type that gets trampled upon. :)

-Signed Apple-Pie Andi

Leave a response…

Name:

Email:
(optional)

Comment:

What does the graphic say?

Sheldon Neal ~ That British Agent ~ Bergen County NJ

Maywood, NJ

More about me…

Bergen County, NJ - RE/MAX Real Estate Limited

Office Phone: (201) 599-1100 x 344

Cell Phone: (201) 481-2891

Email Me

Listings

Links

Get to know me better :o)

Archives

Find NJ real estate agents and Maywood real estate on ActiveRain.

Disclaimer: ActiveRain Corp. does not necessarily endorse the real estate agents, loan officers and brokers listed on this site. These real estate profiles, blogs and blog entries are provided here as a courtesy to our visitors to help them make an informed decision when buying or selling a house. ActiveRain Corp. takes no responsibility for the content in these profiles, that are written by the members of this community.