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Moving your loved one into an assisted living facility

By
Real Estate Broker/Owner with Crescent Realty, Inc. Spanaway, WA.

My wife and I spent this week-end moving her Mother into an assisted living complex. My father-in-law passed away over 10 years ago, and Mom is now 81.

Although she's "spry" she forgets her meds and tends to repeat herself.

My wife and her 2 sisters have been trying to get her to accept an assisted living option v.s. staying in her home for over 2 years.

Although she's fairly physical capable, the fact that she forgets her meds, and doesn't always eat has been a concern for the family.

I'd like to share with you a technique that my younger sister-in-law came up with, that finally convinced Mom to make the move.

From day one, she resented the idea that she couldn't take care of herself. Plus she kept saying  "that her husband had paid off the house so that she would have a place to live until she died."

For those of you that have gone through this, you know that this logic is hard to fight.

My sister-in-law said to Mom, "Although Dad left this house for you, it's in need of major repair.  Would you rather spend your money on much needed repairs to the house,  or spend your social security and (his) military retirement on paying for a nice facility that will take good care of you?"

Even at 81, the dollar still means a lot.

If you have the same situation, we found that by actually taking Mom to see the facilities, had a bigger impact then just talking about it.  Not only that, but the staff that works at these places know the right things to say and do.

Best of luck when it's your time.

(By the way, we're using a reverse mortgage to pay for the difference in expenses)

Deborah Byron Leffler BzyBee Real Estate Lady!
Keller Williams Realty Boise - Nampa, ID

It is a hard thing to have to do....we had to move my Granny into a home nearly 2 years ago...she is so physically well but ALzheimers has set in and at the age of 85 at the time....the family couldn't risk it.....now this is home and she loves it there! 

Sep 12, 2010 12:35 PM
Sonja Patterson
Keller Williams - BV - College Station, TX
Texas Monthly 5-Star Realtor Recipient for the Hou

Larry, what a challenge!  My parents will be in that age group in about 10 years. My mom is very active and healthy, while my dad is very fragile (heart issues and leukemia).  What I dread most is when I have to tell them...you are too old to drive.  I guess when the time comes, you have the wisdom and words needed. :)

Sep 12, 2010 12:38 PM
Robin Dampier REALTORĀ®
Coldwell Banker King - Hendersonville, NC
Hendersonville & Western NC Real Estate Source

I'm so glad you and the family came up with an acceptable solution to a hard to deal with issue that left your wife's mother with her dignity.  I live in a senior community and run into this a lot.  I've found that once the decision is made for many seniors a huge weight is lifted from their shoulders and they find they make new friends and love no longer having the stress of maintaining a home and enjoy the new freedom of social life.

Sue of Robin and Sue

Sep 12, 2010 12:40 PM
Larry Bergstrom
Crescent Realty, Inc. Spanaway, WA. - Spanaway, WA
CNE, CRS, GRI

Thanks for your comment. Mom meet Rose last night, and they seem to have bonded.

Sep 12, 2010 12:45 PM
Stephanie Reynolds
Integrity First Financial Group, Inc. - Santee, CA
East County San Diego Homes 619-838-4408

This must have been difficult for everyone involved. I am glad to hear that Mom found that she did like the place. I hope she will be very happy surrounded by people and things to do!

Sep 12, 2010 12:49 PM
Larry Bergstrom
Crescent Realty, Inc. Spanaway, WA. - Spanaway, WA
CNE, CRS, GRI

So do we.

Sep 12, 2010 12:59 PM
Eileen Liles
970-216-0530 http://WeSellDeltaCounty.com - Cedaredge, CO
Macht-Liles Real Estate Group - Cedaredge, CO

My mother-in-law passed away in May and my father-in-law is in really poor health.  It is an extremely difficult decision to make and worse when you have to try to sell them on it.  I hope she will decide it is a good place to be.

Sep 12, 2010 02:01 PM
Margaret C. Taylor
Century 21 New Millennium MD - Mechanicsville, MD
St Marys/Calvert/Charles MD Real Estate Agent

Thank you for this encouraging advice.  We are trying to help my mother in law to find the 'second' best place for her.  i say 'second' best because her home is first choice always.  margaret C.

Sep 12, 2010 02:37 PM
Ryan Riedy
Realty One Group, Inc. - Scottsdale, AZ
Buyer & Listing Agent Scottsdale

My grandparents are in one of the luxury assisted living homes and they seem to really like it. The only complaint is they dont have a whole lot to do for entertainment.. 

Sep 16, 2010 02:07 PM