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What do you say to a Loser!

By
Real Estate Broker/Owner with Home Point Real Estate DRE # 01492725

My son plays football.  It is not the best team in the world.  They are 1-5.  This is Freshman Football and you are getting beyond the Little League point of everyone gets a trophy.  In fact in Football there really only are winners and losers.  I don't even want to touch on what the great Vincent Lombardi had to say.  I honestly agree with him.

But I love my son - So what do I say?

  1. Your school is not a Football School.  It is a wrestling school, this is where they excel and you will wrestle latter.  This does not mean we do not want to win at football, but what happens is many of the best players and players from out of the area find a way to transfer to the Football School that dominates the district and the league.  They have an advantage before training even starts.

  2. When you played that Football School they had 60 kids on the Freshman Roster.  Your team had about 25.  How much playing time do you think you would have had if you went to the Football School?  Do you think the coaches would even know who you are?  You have never played before this year - you would be on the bench.

  3. Your Coaches Know who you are!  The head of the entire football program knew your exact grade point average when I spoke to him the other night.  He just knew it off the top of his head.  He thinks that kids that show determination like you in football will show it on the field too.  Your Freshman Coach and Line Coach like you and are excited about your future.  They are set to help you and do all that they can to help you succeed.

  4. When you got slammed by the Big Football School last week it hurt, but you know what?  They slammed 5 other teams before they slammed you.  In fact you held them to the fewest points all season.  They have only allowed 1 touchdown in 6 games.  They played sloppy with way too many penalties; your team only had two.  The sloppy play will get them in the end.

  5. Never aim to be better than the other team; aim to just be better each week; individually and as a team.  If you get better each week eventually you will be the best. Often times we just focus on being better than our opponent; this can lead to apathy and a lowering of standards.  If we do not percieve our opponent as tough we can even let down rather than improve.  I think if you team had played some other teams as tough as you played Big Football School you would be 3-3 right now.

  6. I like the kids on your team.  They are a good bunch.  Being in football has improved your grades, not taken away from your school.  There is nothing like the comraderie of a team.

  7. Life is tough and does not always go as you want.  If you cannot handle set backs on a football field you will not handle them well in life.  The task now is to work harder and stay positive.  The goal is not this season, it is your entire high school football career, get ready for varsity.  Get Ready for College and use these lessons to get ready for life.  Never Quit, Never Give Up, Never Stop Trying.  Always aim for the top!

Comments (14)

Patsy Overton
Patsy Overton Interiors, Atlanta, Georgia - Duluth, GA

What a great dad you are!  I especially like #5 - "Never aim to be better than the other team, but to be better each week."  My husband was a HUGE John Wooden fan.  He often reminds me that Coach Wooden NEVER talked about winning with the team, but just doing their best.  It seems to have worked for him!  Your son and his teammates are, no doubt, developing great character.  It's much harder to lose gracefully than to win.

Oct 17, 2010 06:48 AM
Bryan Robertson
Los Altos, CA

Give it to him straight and he'll thank you for it later.  He's better off knowing what works and what doesn't to focus in the right direction.

Oct 17, 2010 07:01 AM
Judith Sinnard
SMARTePLANS; Houston, Texas - Houston, TX
The SMARTePLAN Lady

What do you say to a PLAYER?  ATHELETE? COMPETITOR? ... not Loser..

I went to a small high school and we were routinely out-manned, out-funded, out-equipped and out-of-our-league ... but we fielded a team every year across the whole spectrum of sports .. soccer, football, hockey, basketball, wrestling, baseball, track and field, etc.  ... many times it was the same kids on each team who changed uniforms and equipment and moved to the new sport as the season changed  .. they tried out and made the team.   I especially like your # 5 and # 7 -- good job, Dad.

Oct 17, 2010 07:04 AM
Robin Dampier REALTOR®
Coldwell Banker King - Hendersonville, NC
Hendersonville & Western NC Real Estate Source

I surely wouldn't look at the team as "losers" but "gainers" of character and team spirit whether winners or losers.  Learning how to lose graciously and learn from it is a great asset in the adult world and reality.

I think all of what I see as excessive coddling isn't doing our children any favors when they have to compete in the real world.  I'm a believer that if you fall off give it some thought and get up and try again.

A great list and like others #5 and #7 are right on.  You have a very nice looking son.

Sue of Robin and Sue

Oct 17, 2010 07:18 AM
Yolanda Cordova-Gilbert
Richmond, TX

Wow this one really touches my heart..football here in Katy is so political; my older son played 2 years on varsity and they one only one game, He was better than the person who played his position and I told him so and that was political. The coaches well I will not go there..but many people quit because they were losing and I told him that just because things get tough does not mean you quit. I continued to encourage him to stay on the team. I love #5 & #7. My husband asked me after he graduated why I get telling him to stay. I told him life is not about football what he learned in those to years was mental toughness and that he can take through life. The added bonus is many of those kids that played together are still good friends there is nothing like tough times to really bond people. So keep going dad life is not about football but what you take away from it!

Oct 17, 2010 07:54 AM
Hugh Krone
Weichert Referral Associates - Hamburg, NJ
Realtor, Sussex County NJ

8) Whatever you do in life yuse it to glorify God and let Him worry about the results.

Oct 17, 2010 07:55 AM
Satar Naghshineh
Satar - Amiri Property and Financial Services Corp. - Irvine, CA

I played HS football. We had a great football team and won the Division championship for the first time during my first year playing. We also went up against some very hard teams. I guess the advice I would give my son is to never quit something you love and give it your honest best effort every single opportunity that you have. Also, learn from those who are successful. This will most likely make you a winner. If you still suck, maybe football isn't for you. ;)

Oct 17, 2010 07:57 AM
Liz Wallace
Century 21 Sherlock Homes - Rockville Centre, NY
Broker C21 Sherlock Homes, Rockville Centre, LI, N

I think I would tell him that Michael Jordan did not make his high school basketball team, football camp and working hard might be just the thing.

Oct 17, 2010 09:45 AM
Liz Wallace
Century 21 Sherlock Homes - Rockville Centre, NY
Broker C21 Sherlock Homes, Rockville Centre, LI, N

By the way is he the little face in your profile picture, because that little face is looking up with love, football, schmootball.

Oct 17, 2010 09:47 AM
Chris Dugger
Real Estate Marketplace - Louisville KY - Louisville, KY
Louisville REALTOR

Gene ~ Losing is a part of life. It builds determination and develops skills to overcome adversity. It bad enough that we give our kids everything they've ever wanted (I'm not excluding my own parenting)...they can't expect to automatically win at everything too. I see my boys lacking self-determination that I had as a kid and don't really know how to develop it without taking everything away from them and forcing my childhood on them. It sounds like your boy is developing some much needed life skills and may develop his leadership skills out of this adversity!

Oct 17, 2010 03:43 PM
Lane Bailey
Century 21 Results Realty - Suwanee, GA
Realtor & Car Guy

I can't remember if I've written about it, but when I played little league baseball, our team sucked so bad that the coach quit... the kids kept playing and someone's mom took on the role of coaching.  She couldn't throw, but she was willing to sign her name. 

I learned that sometimes it is painful, but that giving up shouldn't be the first option.  As my dad would say.. it is an exercise in character building.

Oct 17, 2010 04:11 PM
Carra Riley & Declan Kenyon
Brokers Guild Cherry Creek Ltd - Westminster, CO
Helping people Transition at all ages!

Gene.....Very good advice for your son.  Life has its ups and downs that we must go through.  Honest effort and perseverance is the key.

Oct 18, 2010 04:50 AM
Anonymous
Mark Schweller

Gene,

Very fun post.  I spent most of my youth on some field of play, to be honest mostly a basketball court, but I was built for football and eventually played my first year as a High School freshman.  After 4 years, I was beginning to learn the sport and ended up with a partial scholarship to Saint Mary's College.  My college coach had a great many cliches, but one that really hit home is there is no growth without controversy.  Even the greatest teams will deal with some controversy over the course of the season, and it is the lessons from a loss that make you stronger as a team.  At the end of the day, not everyone is going to be fortunate enough to be able to raise the championship banner on the field, but if you can learn the values of team, your son will certainly be on his way to raising it in life.

Oct 20, 2010 08:33 PM
#13
Not a real person
San Diego, CA

I’m not sure he’s a loser. Maybe the team has suffered losses, but with a father who understands life, he’s not a loser now and probably will never be a loser.

Oct 23, 2010 11:47 PM