Friday Funny's Humor

Okay!  It’s Friday – do I hear a buzz – it’s 5 o’clock and we are all ready for a weekend?  Here’s a bit of humor to get the weekend going!

The Zen of Sarcasm:

(1)  Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.  Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either.  Just pretty much leave me alone.

(2)   It's  always darkest before  dawn.  So  if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

(3)  Don't be irreplaceable.  If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

(4)  Always remember that you're unique.  Just like everyone else.

(5)  Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

(6)  If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

(7)   Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.  That way, when  you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

(8)   If at first  you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for  you.

(9)   Give a man a  fish and he will eat for a day.  Teach him how to fish, and he will sit  in a boat and drink beer all day.

(10)   If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment.

(11)   If you tell  the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

(12)    Some days  you're the bug; some days you're the windshield. 

(13)   Everyone  seems normal until you get to know them.

(14)   The quickest  way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

(15)   A closed mouth gathers no foot.

(16)   There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

(17)   Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

(18)   Experience  is something you don't get until just after you need  it.

(19)   Never miss a good chance to shut up.

(20)   Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Author: Unknown

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Well, it’s Friday once again, just in time for some humor.  Everyone have a wonderful and profitable weekend!