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Driving in Dallas, Texas

By
Real Estate Agent with Donna Homes, powered by JPAR - TexasRealEstateMediationServices.com 0480809

This is hilarious... there is no copyright information on where it came from, so if someone reads this and claims, I will more than happily recognize you.

Driving in Dallas,Texas

First you must learn to pronounce the city name. It is DAL-LUS, or DAA-LIS depending on if you live inside or outside LBJ Freeway.

Next, if your Mapsco is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy a new one. If in Denton County and your Mapsco is one-day-old, then it is already obsolete. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere.  (Frisco has screwed everything up.)

Dallas has its own version of traffic rules...   "Hold on and pray." There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Dallas . We all drive like that.

All directions start with, "Get on Beltline," which has no beginning and no end. (It REALLY DOESN'T!!!)

The morning rush hour is from 6 to 10. The evening rush hour is from 3 to 7. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.

If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, cussed out and possibly shot.  When you are the first one on the starting line, count to five before going when the light turns green to avoid crashing with all the drivers running the red light in cross-traffic.

Construction on Central Expressway is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment. We had sooo much fun with that, we have added George Bush Freeway and the High Five to the mix.

All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we're in Fort Worth !"

If someone actually has his or her turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect. Car horns are actually "Road Rage" indicators - and remember, it's legal to be armed in Texas ..

All old ladies with blue hair in a Mercedes have the right of way. Period. And remember, it's legal to be armed in Texas

Inwood Road, Plano Road, NW Highway, East Grand, Garland Road, Marsh Lane, Josey Lane, 15th Street, Preston Road all mysteriously change names as you cross intersections (these are only a FEW examples). The perfect example is what is MOSTLY known as Plano Road On the south end, it is known as Lake Highlands Drive, cross Northwest Highway and it becomes Plano Road, go about 8 miles and it is briefly Greenville Ave,
Ave K, and Highway 5.  It ends in Sherman ..

The North Dallas Tollway is our daily version of NASCAR. The minimum acceptable speed on the Dallas North Toll Road is 85 mph. Anything less is considered downright sissy. It also ends in Sherman.

The wrought iron on windows near Oak Cliff and Fair Park is not ornamental!!

A trip across town east to west will take a minimum of four hours, although many nort h/south freeways have unposted minimum speeds of 75.

It is possible to be driving WEST in the NORTH-bound lane of EAST NORTHWEST Highway. Don't let this confuse you.

LBJ is called "The Death Trap" for two reasons: "death" and "trap."

If it's 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend. If it's 10 degrees and sleeting/snowing, the Fort Worth Stock Show is going on. If it has rained 6 inches in the last hour, the Byron Nelson Golf Classic is in the second round (if it's Spring) - and it is the Texas State Fair if it's Fall.

If you go to the Fair, pay the $8.00 to park INSIDE Fair Park . Parking elsewhere could cost up to $2500 for damages, towing fees, parking tickets, and possibly a gunshot wound.  If some guy with a flag tries to get you to park in his yard, run over him.

Any amusement parks, stadiums, arenas, racetracks, airports, etc., are conveniently located as far away from EVERYTHING as possible so as to allow for ample parking on grassy areas.

Final Warning: Don't Mess With Texas Drivers ... remember, it's legal to Be armed in Texas 

Comments (11)

Tricia Jumonville
Bradfield Properties - Georgetown, TX
Texas REALTOR , Agent With Horse Sense

This DOES sound familiar - but only because I spent my adolescence and learned to drive in Dallas.  (We never had problems with parking outside the gates at the State Fair, though.  It just LOOKED scary - those folks really don't want to kill the goose that laid the golden egg.) 

And I remember that comment about Beltline from when my sister first moved to Dallas and we drove up there to visit her - she said not to get on it because we'd never get off.  That must have been about 1958.

 

 

Sep 06, 2007 10:21 AM
Rob Baldwin
US ECO-GREEN REAL ESTATE INC. - Santa Clarita, CA
REALTOR, Santa Clarita
Ok for those of us in Cali what is a "beltline" other than something right below my belly button. Mapsco? is that Pepsi that was made in Mexico? You want to talk rush hour, have you ever been on the 405, it's rush hour all the time, even holidays. Even though it is not leagal to be armed in the Golden State, most are anyway. :-)
Sep 06, 2007 10:46 AM
Linda Box Taylor
Castle Connections Realty - Plano, TX
Your Plano, TX Realtor
I've read this before and it is still so funny!  Thanks, I needed a good laugh tonight.
Sep 06, 2007 03:49 PM
Donna Harris
Donna Homes, powered by JPAR - TexasRealEstateMediationServices.com - Austin, TX
Realtor,Mediator,Ombudsman,Property Tax Arbitrator

Rob, Beltline is a street that you'll see all over the place because it actually makes a huge loop around the entire Dallas area.  You'll be going east or west on it, but then you have to turn and you'll be going north and south.  It's not a high, just a regular street, and it's never-ending.  When I was in corportate world, if people came to my work for lunch or something, driving instructions were to take Beltline to Beltline which sounds confusing, but living here, it makes sense.

Also, we don't put the word "the" in front of our highways.  It's not THE 635, or THE 35.  It's just plain 635 or 35 or 75 or 20 or 30, etc... I don't understand why Cali puts THE in front of their highways.

Sep 07, 2007 01:10 AM
Alan Kirkpatrick
Austin Texas Homes - Round Rock, TX
Alan in Austin

That is funny and somewhat true. I have been lost in Dallas a few times most recenly after a Cowboy game they detoured us out a different direction. I drove around all night was tempted to stay in a Hotel but my Aunt and Uncle live in LewisVille and they were staying up late waiting for me.

 

Sep 07, 2007 01:36 AM
Donna Harris
Donna Homes, powered by JPAR - TexasRealEstateMediationServices.com - Austin, TX
Realtor,Mediator,Ombudsman,Property Tax Arbitrator
Alan, Beltline turns into Denton Tap in Irving going north and that dead-ends into Lewisville!  If you had found Beltline, you would have been right there!!
Sep 07, 2007 01:43 AM
Tom Burris
NMLS# 335055 - Baton Rouge, LA
Texas/Louisiana Mortgage Pro - 13 YRS Experience

Go to the comedy club. Every out of town act comments on our silly traffic.

 

Sep 07, 2007 05:29 AM
Donna Harris
Donna Homes, powered by JPAR - TexasRealEstateMediationServices.com - Austin, TX
Realtor,Mediator,Ombudsman,Property Tax Arbitrator
Yes, it does get old at the comedy clubs...
Sep 07, 2007 06:20 AM
Karen Otto
Home Star Staging - Plano, TX
Plano Home Staging, Dallas Home Staging, www.homes
I just searched this on the blogs cause I just got it from a friend and was going to post as well. Glad you did, it is too funny and so sadly TRUE!
Sep 16, 2007 12:51 AM
Cheri Smith
Prudential Gary Greene, Cypress TX - Cypress, TX
Realtor Prudential Gary Greene
How funny. Hubby and I got lost in Dallas in August. We were in Denton and decided to go to Cabellas and it took us 2 hours on the freeway to get there only to find out we were 10 minutes from there when we started out!!
Sep 17, 2007 05:58 AM
Kim Dean
www.GoSimplyTexas.com - McKinney, TX
Simply Texas Real Estate - Broker/Owner
This is Good! and true!
Sep 18, 2007 06:58 AM