25 funny things my mother taught me . . .

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
>> "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just
>>finished cleaning."
>>
>>2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
>>"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
>>
>>3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
>>"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle
>>of next week!"
>>
>>4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
>>" Because I said so, that's why."
>>
>>5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
>>"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not
>>going to the store with me."
>>
>>6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
>>"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an
>>accident."
>>
>>7. My mother taught me IRONY.
>>"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
>>
>>8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
>>"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
>>
>>9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
>>"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
>>
>>10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
>> "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
>>
>>11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
>>"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
>>
>>12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
>>"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't
>>exaggerate!"
>>
>>13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
>>"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
>>
>>14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
>>"Stop acting like your father!"
>>
>>15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
>>"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who
>>don't have wonderful parents like you do."
>>
>>16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
>>"Just wait until we get home."
>>
>>17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
>>"You are going to get it when you get home!"
>>
>>18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
>>"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck
>>that way."
>>
>>19. My mother taught me ESP.
>>"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
>>
>>20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
>>"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to
>>me."
>>
>>21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
>>"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
>>
>>22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
>>"You're just like your father."
>>
>>23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
>>"Shut that door behind you.  Do you think you were born in a barn?"
>>
>>24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
>>"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
>>
>>And my favorite:
>>25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
>>"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you