If you've come to Charlotte from outside the South, you're looking at more than just a change of address, my friend. You're potentially looking at a new way of life.
Of course, there are lots of places here where you can't swing a snake without hitting someone from New Jersey, Ohio or California, and many neighborhoods feel about as Southern as a snowmobile trail.
But just a few exits down the interstate in any direction, and you'll quickly realize you're a long ways from home. The kudzu will be the first clue. The roadside stand selling boiled peanuts will be your second.
In that spirit, here's a primer on some things you may have to get used to, and others you'll love right away:
The pace of life. It may be a cliche, but it's also true. The pace IS slower. You'll find some people -- and they're usually standing in front of you at the checkout line -- more than happy to chat away the day. Be careful who you ask, "How are you?" because some people think you actually want to know and will tell you. It could take several minutes.
The Code. Some Southerners go out of their way to avoid rubbing the truth in your face. Instead, they'll make a seemingly neutral comment about someone, but then tack on "bless her heart." Some mean it sincerely, but often it can be translated to: How pathetic.
In many quarters this is called being polite. Others might consider it a trifle two-faced. Let's say Tina comes back from the tanning salon a trifle orange. What her friends won't say: "Did you see Tina? She's got the skin tone of a jack-o'-lantern!" Instead, they'll say: "Tina's been tanning again ... bless her heart."
More code: Women tell me they get a funny look if they run to the grocery store in sweat pants. Things are more formal down here. The milk-and-bread buyer wears Prada. Or at least a respectable knock-off ... bless her heart.
Ice storms: If the weather guy starts talking ice storm, jump in your car, head NORTH and don't take your foot off the gas until you hit the Great Lakes. When an ice storm descends here, it probably will take out the power for days. You'll be better off back up North in your frozen wasteland riding out a blizzard before a crackling fire than shivering in your house here listening to your obnoxious neighbor's generator roaring through the night. Think I'm kidding? Just wait....
The question: Where do you go to church? Yes, in some part of the country this is considered a personal question. Not here. Yes, there's a decent chance someone will gently grill you on the topic. It happened to me several months ago. Of course, the fellow asking me about it was on his sixth beer at the time. Hey, it's the New Bible Belt.
The language: Down here, they call shopping carts buggies and kids refer to grandma and grandpa as mee-maw and paw-paw. Lots of folks say "might could" instead of might, bless their hearts. (See, it's fun!) And by the way, you're the one who sounds funny.
The vibe: People are warm, gracious, have a terrific sense of humor and know how to tell a story. Shortly after we moved here from Michigan, a guy at the car shop called me "buddy." I puzzled for hours over why he felt the need to bust my chops with sarcasm. Then it happened somewhere else and I realized folks were just being friendly. Imagine.
So just remember this: You might could come to love it here, buddy.
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