She was four years old when we went to get him, and she was so excited she could hardly contain herself. He was one of five kittens in the tall box, and the lady told us, “Feel free to pick them up but please don’t let them down in the house.” So the first thing she did was reach for her choice, say that he was the one, give him a name (out of the blue!) and let him down in the house. And zoom, under the refrigerator he scampered. This is how life with Jack began.
When we got home, her older sister asked me, “Daddy, how long will Jack live?” With four eyes suddenly trained on me, I responded, ”Well, kitties don’t live as long as people do, but sometimes they can still live a long time. We will have Jack for a long time and he will have a good life with us. And by the time you girls go off to college, he will be an old kitty…”
As they grew and the subject of death or loss would come up through the years, so would Jack. He had quickly become a part of our world and we all loved him deeply. He would play and jump and run, and the girls grew up right alongside him. And I would remind them…”By the time you girls go off to college, Jack will be very old,” but nobody really heard it because he was so alive and “young” in the moment. And that, after all, is what we have…especially as a young person – the moment.
That summer waned and we packed the car to head out of state for her freshman year of college. Excitement filled the air with all the newness and potential this opportunity brought, and we were excited for her. Last walk through the house to make sure she hadn’t forgotten anything, then it was time to say goodbye to Jack. She was emotional and it seemed very hard to let him go, but I reminded her that the first semester always flies by and she would see him again in a few weeks for the holidays.
Jack was eighteen years old now, soon to be nineteen. He still had the spirit of a kitten, but his body had slowed down and it was hard for him to do some of the things he once did. She came home over Christmas, and Jack had gone downhill. She was shocked at how old and frail he suddenly looked. I reminded her that he was very old now and it was time for him to start looking and acting old. I took him to the vet and he said that Jack was in liver failure and that there was no reversing it. I asked what was best for Jack, and he said as long as he was not suffering, he was fine.
So she went back to school after the holidays (I didn’t think she was going to), and saw to her studies, and planned to come home for the summer after the semester ended. By then, Jack had begun to show signs of discomfort, and I knew it was time for me to do for him what I had been dreading for some time now. She got home and we sat down with him and talked and laughed and cried and celebrated a life well-lived. We said how thankful we were to have been given the opportunity to be a part of such a wonderful creature’s journey, and how it had enhanced our own. And then we took him to the doctor.
They gave us all the time we wanted, but we had already had our time, really. We talked to him and thanked him, and he seemed ready to go. He was tired. She was looking into his eyes when they closed, and we both were touching him – loving hands to see him on his way.
We had Jack cremated and we have his ashes at home. They pressed his paw into a mold and gave it to us with his name on it. We have that too. But the most precious possessions we have are the photos and laughter and tears which reside in our hearts – things which cannot be posted on facebook or twitter.
The photo is of her holding Jack during the last moments of his life. It isn’t a fancy photo nor does it display strong composition, etc. What it does, however, is capture the depth of love she has for Jack, the silent agony of goodbye only moments away, and so many more emotions and dynamics that the observer/reader can extract for themselves. That is all of us standing there, grieving a decision made...holding on to the last warm moments of our lifelong friend. What you see is a little girl and a little kitten, coming to the end of the road…wondering where the time went...having to come to terms with this death that is happening the best way they can. She is as prepared as possible – which is not very prepared…how do you prepare to say goodbye to your best friend?
When he closed his eyes, she laid her head on him and wept deeply. After a few moments, she raised her head and looked at me through bloodshot eyes and said, “I guess I’m in college now, huh?”
I guess you are…
This post is written as a submission to the ActiveRain 'Kodak Moments' contest. I have the chance to win the KODAK EASYSHARE M580 Digital Camera
To participate in the ActiveRain contest, visit the blog post announcing the contest from Kodak and ActiveRain.
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