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How to Build an Ark - We are Going to Need One Here Soon

By
Real Estate Broker/Owner with Home Jane Realty BRE# 01439865

With a nod to eHow.com I am going to share with my fellow Californians how to Noah's Arkbuild an ark.  The canoes are not working.

You will need a substantial amount of gopher wood. If that is not available then there is plenty of cypress around.  This is good for its rot-resistance.

Since you are going to have to start organizing your animals into pairs, get the pack ones sorted out first.  They can bring in the gopher wood.  Elephants, asses (I mean the 4-legged ones), oxen would be a good start.

Build your framework.  The dimensions should be something like 300 cubits long, 50 cubits wide, 30 cubits high.  I am not sure how you are going to fit 10 million animals into that, but go figure.

Make sure that when attaching the planking to the outside you leave room for a door.  How are you going to get the animals in otherwise?

Divide the ark into three levels and then add rooms to each level.  Keep the staff separate from the animals and secure the galley to prevent animals stealing more than their fair share.

Make sure the ark is well sealed with pitch.  It is going to have to withstand 40 days and 40 nights of rain and about 7 months stuck at the top of Magic Mountain Mt. Whitney.

Safety Instructions:

Wait for the ark to come to a complete stop. Open window and send out a raven to reconnoiter. If the news is bad, wait a few days and send out a dove.  Repeat until one of them comes back with a twig in its mouth.

Once Arnold gives the word you may safely disembARK.  Be sure to release the wild animals first.  It would be a shame to have survived the deluge only to end up being eaten.

 

 

Comments(78)

Jane Peters
Home Jane Realty - Los Angeles, CA
Los Angeles real estate concierge services

Donne,  and the same wishes for you.  Rain tonight :(

Dec 25, 2010 08:15 AM
Al & Peggy Cunningham, Brokers
RE/MAX West Realty Inc., Brokerage - Brampton, ON
Our Family Wants To Help Your Family!

Hope your Christmas was Merry and the rest of your holidays are happy Jane!

Dec 25, 2010 01:59 PM
Rebecca Gaujot, Realtor®
Lewisburg, WV
Lewisburg WV, the go to agent for all real estate

Jane, OMG I would much rather have the snow than the rain....stay dry. Merry Christmas and wishing you and your family a year filled with love, joy and laughter.

Dec 25, 2010 02:24 PM
Jane Peters
Home Jane Realty - Los Angeles, CA
Los Angeles real estate concierge services

Al & Peggy,  thank you.  I wish the same for you.

Rebecca,  and it is raining again :(  Hope you had a wonderful Christmas.

Dec 25, 2010 02:29 PM
Barbara Hensley
RE/MAX Properties - Rockwall, TX
Homes for Sale in Rockwall County, Texas

Jane, this post was entertaining!  You have a talent for taking not the best situation and turning it in to something positive such as in the post.  Thanks.

Dec 26, 2010 03:08 AM
Sun City Grand Homes Surprise AZ Real Estate Leolinda Bowers Designated Broker Leolinda Realty
Leolinda Realty - Surprise, AZ
Sun City Grand in Surprise Arizona

It rained and rained and rained the first two days that I arrived in Hawaii. It was more rain that I have ever seen.  Then like a miracle, it cleared.  I'll be going home in a couple of days and am hoping that it's not raining there.  

Dec 26, 2010 11:58 PM
Scott Hayes
(512) 786-8300 - Austin, TX
Realty Austin, Broker Associate

Jane,

 

You just can't beat a well written, creative post. Hope you guys have experienced better days these last couple of weeks.

Dec 27, 2010 01:58 AM
Jane Peters
Home Jane Realty - Los Angeles, CA
Los Angeles real estate concierge services

Barbara, thank you very much indeed.

Leolinda, hopefully all the rains will have passed.

Scott, we are waiting for more rain.

Dec 27, 2010 05:03 AM
Michael Eisenberg
eXp Realty - Bellingham, WA
Bellingham Real Estate Guy

Jane, I hope you're high and dry, great to read your creative work

Dec 27, 2010 04:43 PM
Jane Peters
Home Jane Realty - Los Angeles, CA
Los Angeles real estate concierge services

Michael,  thank you kindly.  Hope you are doing well.

Dec 27, 2010 04:55 PM
Susan Neal
RE/MAX Gold, Fair Oaks - Fair Oaks, CA
Fair Oaks CA & Sacramento Area Real Estate Broker

Hi Jane, I cannot believe all of the rain we've gotten in California!  I'm glad my home is on the top of a hill and on stable ground.  Some low areas around Sacramento and close to the rivers have been a bit nervous whether the dikes would hold, but so far so good. 

They have been releasing a tremendous amount of water from the Folsom Dam to accommodate rainfall into the reservoir behind it.  Our rivers are consequently roaring! We're about ready for the ark here too, but it's been easier on us than on you because we're more used to big rainstorms.

Dec 27, 2010 06:31 PM
Christine Donovan
Donovan Blatt Realty - Costa Mesa, CA
Broker/Attorney 714-319-9751 DRE01267479 - Costa M

Jane - This left me giggling.  As a So. Cal. native, I'm just not sure what to do with this weather.  If it gets much worse, I'll be heading to LA to jump on your ark.

Dec 27, 2010 07:23 PM
Jane Peters
Home Jane Realty - Los Angeles, CA
Los Angeles real estate concierge services

Susan,  it has been an experience for sure.  And it ain't finished yet.

Christine,  hurry, it is filling up.

Dec 28, 2010 04:39 AM
Kathy Schowe
California Lifestyle Realty - La Quinta, CA
La Quinta, California 760-333-8886

We even had quite a bit of rain here in the desert... and I'm hearing more is on the way.  I actually don't mind rain here... we have SOOOO many sunny days, it's a nice change!  Have a Happy New Year!  Kathy

Dec 28, 2010 03:32 PM
Jane Peters
Home Jane Realty - Los Angeles, CA
Los Angeles real estate concierge services

Kathy, I hate the rain.  And yes, there is more on the way.  Happy New Year to you too.

Dec 28, 2010 03:46 PM
Gay E. Rosen
Julia B. Fee Sotheby's International Realty - Larchmont, NY
As Real as Real Estate Gets!

Hi Jane: We received the remnants of your storm by way of a blizzard for 1 1/2 days - cannot imagine what you all went through...  Best, Gay

Dec 31, 2010 02:36 AM
Jane Peters
Home Jane Realty - Los Angeles, CA
Los Angeles real estate concierge services

Gay,  ooh, please keep it :)

Dec 31, 2010 05:07 AM
Alexsandra Stewart
Remax equity group - Portland, OR
Broker - Portland Oregon Real Estate

Have been seeing the stories about all the rain.  Sad to say - for y'all -- you've had much more rain than we have had this year. (so far.)  Survive!   and happy new year.

Jan 02, 2011 01:30 PM
Jane Peters
Home Jane Realty - Los Angeles, CA
Los Angeles real estate concierge services

Alexsandra,  and it continues.  It's horrendous.  Thanks for your good wishes.

Jan 02, 2011 01:55 PM
Barbara Hensley
RE/MAX Properties - Rockwall, TX
Homes for Sale in Rockwall County, Texas

Jane, it pays to have a sense of humor, AND know how to build an ark when you are having so much rain.  congratulations on a cool featured post!

Jan 11, 2011 10:15 PM