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Buying A Home Is Not A Social Decision

"Buying a home is a personal and private decision."

This quote comes from Doug Scott, a client in Houston, Texas. He said this in response to an explanation I gave him for how people might use social networking sites like Facebook and MySpace when they are in the process of making a decision to buy a home.

I told him that someone might want to share a tour or a listing with their entire Facebook friends list to get their opinion on a house.

Doug didn't buy it. He thought they would share with their friends AFTER they bought, but not before. Just exactly how they do now.

We didn't spend more than a few seconds on the topic. We didn't talk at all about Facebook Maketplace and it's search capabilities. it wasn't the real purpose of our call. But his statement has been in my head for the last two weeks.

I initially thought to myself, "Doug is just not allowing himself to understand how this new generation thinks." Why wouldn't I ask my friends their opinion on a home before I bought it? Why wouldn't I use my social network to get their opinion on a few homes I was looking at buying?

The more I thought about it the more right Doug became.

I used the Internet heavily in my most recent home purchase. The home we ended up buying was a new home, so there were photos of the models and floor plans available online. I But I didn't get anyone outside of my wife and kids involved in the pre-buying process. I don't remember sending a single email to my closest friends asking for their opinion of the photos. I asked about the community we were thinking of moving to, yes, but not about the home.

In fact, I didn't even take my mom to see the models until after we had already put down a deposit and were ready to begin picking flooring. My closest circle of friends played no role at all in the decision process. I didn't email them links and photos. And I even ignored their advice about leaving "the valley" to live in the burbs. Thankfully.

This is how I acted with my closest friends. The people on my "friends" list at Facebook are predominantly casual acquaintances... most of whom I've never met in person. Isn't that true for you? Isn't that true for most?

I'm convinced I spend way to much time reading technology geeks. Even this forum may not be the best place to ask these questions. We all spend too much time buried in cyberspace. Doug's simple words, "Buying a home is a personal and private decision," aren't speaking to technology. Those words speak to psychology and sociology. They speak to the underlying motives for behavior.

What do you think?

Are social networks really going to change who we consult with when making buying decisions on a home? Or are they just going to make it easier to share the decision once we've made it.

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Posted by Jeff Turner on 09/15/2007 12:57 PM

Comments (116)

social networks, home buying

Originally posted at: Turner's Perspective: Buying A Home Is Not A Social Decision

116 Comments on Buying A Home Is Not A Social Decision

SEP

2007

Doug is right. The only opinion that has any importance is that of the folks paying for the house and folks who are living in the house, meaning dependants. If folks living in the house are not dependants, they need to be paying rent and still have no input on home buying decisions.

I've had parents kill deals because they thought their children should be buying homes that were less expensive, had more land, blah, blah.

I've had friends criticize homes when they have absolutely no frame of reference with respect to price, location, etc.

Doug is right.

When I decide to buy a different home, my announcement is in the past tense, as in "Guess what I DID today?"

Wasn't sure where you were going with this, but yes I have to agree on a personal level. I wouldn't ask my friends about a house I was buying. However, I would ask them about neighborhoods and schools. Buying a house in between me, my husband, and kids.

Lenn... I agree. What I've been spending my time the past few weeks thinking about is this, "are social networks really going to change behavior?" More and more I'm coming to the conclusion that they will not change as much as Web 2.0 fanatics think.

Missy... my feeling exactly. A neighborhood, area, schools... yes. A home, no. I don't think so.

Thanks for a great blog post...best of luck to you!

Best of luck to you too, Christopher! :)

When I was house shopping, I did send out links to the houses I was considering. I took pictures myself and shared them around. Part of that was because I have friends in other countries and my search was interesting for them. (My friend in Japan couldn't believe there were already light fixtures in new houses, and my friend in Germany thought it was weird that you have to sell your house -- they sell them to the bank and don't worry about it anymore.) They weren't a part of my decision making process, but I let them come along for the ride.

I did not and would not ask friends and family their opinion on a home, however I did ask for a colleagues opinion on the value of the last home I bought. As Lenn mentioned, and I have personally had to work through these problems, more often then not friends and family make the whole process more confusing for the buyer. I had a client recently whose family kept coming with on showings. They kept finding "problems" with the home. 4 weeks in the parents were out of town, my buyers found a house.

See you in on the 18th, Jeff.

Jeff - I don't think I've ever asked a friend's opinion about which house to buy, only what they thought after I bought it. Good post and some food for thought.

Sarah... I can see the voyeuristic aspect, certainly. Especially in your situation. Did any of your friends attempt to influence your decision?

Roy... :) great story. Yes, I'll see you on Tuesday! Should be fun, that presentation is a main reason why I'm thinking of these things.

No, they said they loved every single thing I sent them. :o) I have supportive friends.

Liinda... I think there is a tendency among technologists to project anticipated behaviors based on technology. I'm seeing it more and more and in this case it was me. It disturbed me that I was doing the exact same thing - I was projecting a behavior that I had not myself experienced.

I need to spend more time talking with folks like Doug.

Sarah... I think part of that is an intuitive understanding that it is YOUR decision. And you probably do have supportive friends. :)

It depends on the individual, the circumstances and the property. I don't think there's an absolute "one size fits all" answer to this one. For example people who are buying a "second home" or recreational property do a heck of a lot of research and they snoop a lot of listing sites (and listings)before they ever contact an agent. And I have had a couple of prospective second home buyers contact me off a social networking site.

When the decision is driven by social considerations, the buyer may look for advice from friends. I've witnessed a few clients who turned to their friends for advice before buying. This may also become a generational difference in the future. The next generation of young buyers may adopt the practice of using a social networking site to gather opinions before buying.

Eric... were the opinions, in the case of the second home, about the home itself or the area?

Jeff this post is very true. Too many times I have lost deals because they are out talking to this friend or that friend or another friend. They have friends licensed in other states that are giving those friends advice to run back to said client. In essence, they are playing "telephone." I tell each client that they should be comfortable with the payment, the floor plan and area for the fact that a long term hold is necessary. I counsel on economic conditions including rental statistics.

Unfortunately it seems some friend of a friend real estate agent in Idaho or Montana wins. Unfortunately some of these past clients are stuck without a product (up a creek, pronounced "crick," without a paddle) now in an environment where rents are going up drastically.

I wonder how said agent in Idaho or Montana will explain that one to them.

I find that the younger buyers are more likely to have their friend tag along and they will get the opinions of their close friends before they buy a home but this is always in person. If they are wanting the friends to see what they think they bring them to physically see the house before the final decision is made.

Renee... if I read you correctly, what you are saying is that friends get in the way of the transaction, but that you do see people consulting friends about specific houses. Or are you saying the advice is coming around deal points?

I think it's important to understand what the real behavior is, then we can see how these new social networks are going to influence that behavior.

Jon... I can certainly see someone bringing a close friend to a home physically. That makes sense to me. What about getting their opinion based on online content?

I think I wrote this same post six months ago or so. The Trulia's and the Zillows of the world are positioning themselves as social networks around the discussion of homes. I am just not seeing it. One of the major blogs took a shot at my blog because they did not see consumers asking questions or discussing real estate in the comments. There is a reason for that. Consumers send me notes because they do not want to publicly discuss what they are doing.

http://www.stpaulrealestateblog.com/weenie/2007/08/the-summer-of-s.html

Your casual facebook friend T

By the way... I hope everyone responding understands that you are educating ME right now! :)

I only have my own buying experiences to draw from. You have the experiences of all of your clients to bring to bear on this topic.

Teresa... can you put a link to that post here? I think people would like to read it again. I had a feeling that would be your take on this subject. It's interesting that consumers send you private notes rather than commenting. Very.

Jeff - In showing homes and discussing details I have never had one client bring their friends along. I have had them tell me that their co-workers/friends are excited for them and can't wait for the housewarming party, but that's about as far as that goes.

As for familial influence....this usually only plays a large role when it's a first-time buyer that is leaving the nest and the family is the support system to affirm the decision.

I don't believe that Facebook plays into this process at all - other than to serve as a vehicle for sharing the excitement. I don't think that friends play a role in the true decision as to what type of house, where, how much, etc. other than to share the excitement.

Thanks for a thought provoking post - as usual! ;)

Jeff: What I am trying to express comes from a generic standpoint: "The market is crashing DONT DO IT!" Hope that helps :)

In my experience-as someone who's just inside Gen X and is expected to hang out in the online world-Doug's right. I've found that folks who are heavily tied to Web 2.0 will talk about the fact that they're ABOUT to purchase and then resurface when something has been located. One of my best friends, who happens to be in real estate, goes with me when I look at something new on the market, but she's never once tried to influence me (could be because I'm hard-headed but whatever). Can't imagine solicting input before my husband and I have made a private family decision. Our kids will not have one ounce of decision input in a home purchase until they buy their own homes.

Definitely thought-provoking-I do hope that Teresa comes back and includes that link.

In my experience, Doug is 100% right. Selecting a home is a very personal and private decision. We have never had a client seek other opinions among their social networking acquaintances. They sometimes seek opinions from family members, or their closest offline friends, maybe. But that's it.

Heck, I wouldn't seek opinions on my own decisions that way. And if a casual online acquaintance asked me for my advice on some important decision they were about to make ... really, what could I say? They are the only ones who truly know what is right for them. At best, I could suggest some questions for them to ponder....

Jeff,

Interesting post. I personally wouldn't ask my friends' opinion. However, I do feel that the 20+ crowd does ask their opinions of their friends and family. They'll still make their own decisions but will use the technology base to get opinions of others. What do you think in regards to Gen Y?

Jeff - What do they say when you want to start a business or something different -- do not consult with family or friends -- b/c you'll find out that you're not capable of anything.

Jeff - I am surprised at you. You have written about the emotional content of the home buying decision (Your Sex and Real Estate Series - for example). You don't consult your friends about emotional decisions - what if they might disagree with you?

I agree with Doug on this one.

But I do believe that the technology and social interaction in cyberspace has changed and will change behavior - just not in this particular situation.

Jeff, if this is the case then my clients have many, many personal friends. I take pictures for my buyers during the inspection if they aren't there, or right after, to surprise them with a real estate show. These get forwarded on and on and on. I do not include the price of the house or any information they might not want to share. Perhaps that's why mine are successful. The buyer loves them and I get more positive comments on this than just about anything I do.

Carol... I'm sensing a trend in these comments. :)

Renee... :)

Leigh... when I pause and analyze it fully, I can't imagine it either. I hope Teresa comes back as well.

Cheryl... interesting point. I wonder how I would respond if someone asked me if I "liked" a house they were thinking of buying.

Tammy... I don't know what to think about Gen Y. I am leaning toward thinking it won't be any different for them.

Aziz... too true!! LOL

Ted... don't be surprised. Even I can lose sight of reality and let technology get in the way of truth. :)

Chris... I could NOT agree more! But those Shows come after the sale and do play to the clients emotions... they're proud of the home and excited to share - and they do. It's a winner, no question about it. But that is completely different than in the buying process.

This may be conceptual regarding a house vs. home. In an apartment setting you may consider outside opinions prior to signing a lease, but this is with the knowledge of this temporary scenario. A home purchase is vastly different, an environment where you provide safety and security for yourself and your family, a defense against intruders, your castle, both physically and spiritually.

Hi Jeff, I guess I'll be the oddball response here so far...While I personally wouldn't send pictures of my home for people in my network to view, I'm not sure that the next generation of consumers won't.

When my son was admitted into university recently, everyone was introduced to each other through a "facebook" type of inter-phase. When we got to campus, these casual acquaintances had blossomed into real friendships through a method which was almost entirely foreign to my generation. Watching that experience makes me a little more reticent to assume anything about what people will choose to do in the future.

Even participating in a forum like Active Rain has been enlightening to me in terms of seeing how a social network online creates a new context for "reality" and subsequently re-defines the meaning of relationships.

Jeff, I honestly think it depends on the age group of the buyers. I have had younger, single buyers who count on their social network's help on their home buying decision. On the other hand buyers with a young family can be divided into two categories. The first do the entire search themselves, open escrow, and them bring in family and friend for their opinion. The second group searches for a home, finds a right home, and would like to see that home before they make their final decision with close friends and family.

The older generation of course, does not need the help of their social network. But, again they have surprised me ever now and then.

I honestly think that Social Networks aren't going to change who we consult when we are buying a home, just more apt to make it easier to share after it's purchased.

With that being said, I also think social networks have the ability to help individuals who are going to buy a home decide who they would prefer to work with through the process. They have a way of getting to know that person a little more before actually meeting them in person.

You have hit the nail on the head. I bought my homes and never even told my parents until it was over.

Kevin... I think too often home buying is equated to other purchases and it's unlike any other, in my opinion.

Lola...I don't think you're the oddball, but I do think the social aspect of college introductions is not anything like buying a house. I went to a very small Christian liberal arts college and before I arrived on campus, in 1979, I received a list of the incoming Freshman, where they were from, their interests. There were only 125 people in my Freshman class, so it was easy. And I knew something of the folks when I arrived the first day. What you are describing is similar, but on a larger scale. The added benefit of two way communication is what truly differentiates it. So, I guess I'd be careful as well... I think that's what I'm trying to say, only in the opposite direction. It's just as wrong to assume what will happen as it is to assume what won't. But I think we can't ignore the present in doing so.

Mana... I'd love to hear the story of how your client used their social network to help them with their home purchase. I think that would be a great study.

Fran... agreed.

Susan... if I may ask, how old are you? I should have asked that of everyone who answered. Age seems to be a defining line, if there is one. I'm 45, but I don't believe I think or behave like most 45 year olds. :)

Great post. I have had X'ers and Y's that have shown the home on-line and brought friends to the home before purchase. I don't know that the friends assisted with the decision, but I do know on-line content was sent. It has happened in 3 transactions this year alone that I am aware of. I know a had a couple last year as well.

If I don't provide the links, the clients are asking me to send to various emails or send the client the link so they can send out. I primarily work with 1st time home buyers, however a family that purchased a new built (X'er) also sent emails first and brought friends through.

It just depends on the client.

Angie... good insight. This is a good discussion we've got going here.

I have to agree with some comments. When Al and I built our home last year - it was custom and we initially started asking others opinions and then it got out of hand. We took a step back and decided what to do with each room - WITHOUT consultation. Its a stressful enough process, but it is personal and we all don't see things or space in the same way. I am happy with the end result and if the rest don't like it ... poo poo on them :)

Jeff, I've had younger buyers in their 20's see a house and the minute we get in the car either text massage their friends or send their friends the pictures they have just taken with their camera-phone.

The younger buyers with family (who open escrow first) tend to bring family members or friends during the inspection period or call me after we open escrow to show off their new soon to be home to family and friends and get their opinion and approval.

The Second group of young family buyers calls me before they want to write up an offer to see the house one more time with friends or family members.

One last thing. All of this is a matter of an individual's disposition and personality. I have a young family right now that sometimes brings the in-laws along and sometimes they don't. They told me it really depends on what kind of mode they are in!!!

Very interesting post Jeff. Personally I do not ask for opinions when buying property. Except for TLWs of course.:) I don't work with buyers so not sure how they feel about it. I think I'll just sit back and try to learn something here.

This is very true. I didn't even tell my parents, who are also licensed real estate agents, until AFTER I put the offer in my latest home purchase. After I had the offer accepted I told a few of my closer friends. But I asked NO ONE but myself, with some input from my 4 year old :) I'm surely wouldn't announce it to my entire online 'friends'. Many of which I have NO idea who they truly are - can we say dangerous?

Desiree... :)

Mana... would you characterize them as first time buyers as well?

Bryant... that's what I'm doing! :)

Susan... do you think this is different for first time home buyers?

Hi Jeff,

Yes this is an interesting topic. For a Realtor dealing with a client who brings in lets say 5 - 10 additional decision makers could become difficult. I feel that it is important to know all that will be inviovled in a transaction. We all have our own tastes, style and opinions. Houses sell houses. I think when a buyer sees a house they love they will buy it regardless of the opinions of others.

Patrick... I agree. What I'm trying to figure out is if the behavior we've all come to believe as natural, that the decision making process is personal, is going to change with the advancing social network movement. I'm not sure it's a forgone conclusion.

Jeff, The younger 20 year old ones yes. The second group, some are first time buyers and the move-up-buyers they are half and half. Meaning some need to talk to their social network and some don't. I have had in-laws and friends who talked my buyers out of buying a certain home for reasons such as HOAs, location, re-sale value, and many more. The single women who I have helped, depend more on their social network (Parents and Friends) than others.

Well spoken

I agree that it's a personal decision. Some people will want to share their excitement with their friends, and others want to keep quiet until a commitment is made. I would think that those who need their friends' or relatives' approval before buying, would be sharing directly with them by phone or email, rather than through Facebook.

Jeff, maybe. I forget sometimes that I've owned a few houses because I am only 27.

I know the first home (condo) I bought I DID ask for my parents help - again because they were also my real estate agents :). I do not recall asking any of my friends for any advice - but then again I was 19 or 20 so most of my friends wouldn't have had the experience yet to give me that advice.

Buyers are more knowledgable these days with everything being readily available via the 'net. I seem to think that they LIKE to make the decision on their own, the empowerment of it excites them.

I haven't worked with any buyers in a while (focusing on working with sellers). I'm going to pose this question to my buyer's agents & get their opinions.

While I that may be true for some people, there are still others who do talk to their family and friends about things they plan to do. Maybe it is my culture but, I know many of my family and friends who still get advice from their family and friends before they do something. And with young people who interact with other on face book, my space, etc... I have seen and heard of them asking for advice about things like the new Iphones. While Real Estate might not be one of the things they ask about, I suspect that it may soon be something they discuss. I think that people will still make their own decision, but it may be wise to gather all the opinions and information you can before buying or selling Real Estate.

Jeff, IMHO the fewer people that put their two cents into the purchasers home buying process the better. Like Missy said it makes sense to gather info from friends, if they are knowledgeable, about neighborhoods, school districts, etc, but when it comes to actually choosing the home, it should be the couples decision. If Mom and Dad are helping with the DP or financing, then they might want to play a an active role in the choice, but otherwise it's best to leave them out of the loop until the contract is signed!

I can't see asking for friends opinions about a home based on Internet photos, since we all know how misleading they can sometimes be.

Friends or family will not be paying the mortgage or mowing the yard or cooking in the kitchen. So no, I don't think this practice will become a trend nor should it.

Mana... Ulises thinks some of this may be cultural as well. Would you agree?

Brandon... thanks.

Vicki... I think you're right about those who would want and need to share. They are going to use a more personal approach. Very good point.

Susan... thank you. I think that would add some juice to this.

Ulises... culture will certainly play a role. That's a fact. Well said.

Ginger and Roger... how much should real estate professionals influence what seems to be the right way to handle a transaction like this?

Hi Jeff. I absolutely agree. Buying a home is a personal thing....we may use the internet and all its wonderful resources to look at pictures, neighborhoods, paint colors and anything else we can think of, but the actual buying of the house. Thats something to be shared with close friends and family...I wouldn't even think to ask completet strangers their opinion of a house I'm thinking of buying. Interesting post. Hope you're having a great day! :)

Jeff;

I think before we judge the technology, maybe we should experience it in action!

Go to my blog and click on the 9/14 Fri Creative Marketing Show and then after you experienced it let me know what you think?

To Your Success,

Coach Steve
Real Coaching Radio

Jeff - I totally agree with Doug but in my case it's a little different. The reason I got into real estate was because close friends were asking me to go visit homes before buying them (more for my architectural expertise). I figured I could help them with the architecture and also make a living at it......and it's working.

But I totally agree about sending all those virtual shows and photos after the fact, not before. Personally, I don't get the whole facebook, linked in and twitter thing......we keep poking and superpoking each other but for what reason?

First we had to consider that the newer generation Gen Y considers their online friends "real friends" these are not casual contacts to them. My youngest daughter has several "good" friends and the only contact she has had has been online, voice IM's, mailing. No in person. I would never pretend these aren't "real" friends. I am more of an odd ball being a Gen X and doing the same thing. I have had online friends that I had called for help with very personal issues and value their advice more than anyone I know in person. But then I had a ring on my finger before I ever met in person my husband who I met from a BBS. So I do think we might see more of this as the youngest of the Gen Y's start buying homes. The Gen Y's I know are very open and sharing with each other and seek each other out for their opinion before doing things. I would think this might apply to purchasing a home as that time comes. I will ask my Gen Y's today as they wander back home.

Jeff, Yes I do. Personality and social economical standing plays a big part.

I wanted to give you 2 of my younger buyers' situations and stories:

I had 2 different 1 male and 1 female buyer, one from Santa Barbara one from out of state who wanted to buy a condo in our area. The female was 19 and her father was going to help her purchase a condo. Every time we looked at a condo (5 times) she would bring a different friend and while I was talking to the father her and her friend would talk about how nice it would be to do this and that to the Condo and they would also text message their other friends about the place.

My male buyer was a young engineer, about 23; he would tell me that his CA co-workers had told him what to do while he was looking for a home in California. He would go to his office and talk to his fellow engineer friends about what we had seen the previous day and what they thought!!!

Of course social networks will not change folks much or the way folks live much.

Shuck. We're all talking to each other.

Now, the Internet. THAT changed the world, but social networks are the stuff of which hobbies are made, IMO. And, as we all know,

I BLOG FOR BUSINESS.

But, I do love my ActiveRain network, social AND business sides.

Pamela... there is a huge difference between asking about color combinations or neighborhood and participating in the buying decision. I think that is the real distinction here.

Steve... I'm not judging the technology. I use it every single day. I'm trying to assess behavioral elements unrelated to technlolgy.

Ines... I don't know, but don't stop poking me.

Ashley... I have many "friends" among my friends on Facebook, but certainly not every one of the 181 friends are really "friends" as we traditionally define the term. And though I know I can go to each of them for information and may count on most for some form of support, I don't think I'm kidding myself by saying that most are acquaintances. I also have close friends who were practically engaged before they every met, but you and they are certainly unique... and probably always will be in the minority. I'm wondering, as Mana is illustrating, if this is more of an inexperienced buyer vs experienced buyer phenomenon.

Phylena... it's a crazy world. :)

Mana... correct me if I'm wrong, but both of your example seem more illustrative of a first time buyer than just a young buyer, though they are often the same. I know that a first time buyer is way more likely to seek out others opinions, but that's not an x or y thing. IMO

Lenn... you and me both.

Jeff,

As others have said bringing a close friend or relative to the property is one thing but sending it to a list of "friends at Facebook that are predominantly casual acquaintances" is a good way to lose the home.

One of your facebook casual acquaintences might want the home even more and out bid you. I'm in a very competitive real estate market.

Jeff, I have a move-up-buyer right now that sometimes brings in the in-laws. They call in advance to make sure the parents can join them. In my opinion it is more a personality trait than anything else mo matter how many homes you have bought in the past.

Doug is right. Buyers use the internet - and perhaps social networks - to gather information, but they don't share "Their House" until after they have a contract on it. Then they share it with family and good friends, and once they've bought it they may share it with casual friends. We should still get properties out in as many places as possible is good, as it is more likely to be found in the gathering stage.

The only thing I kept thinking of were the client's I had (didn't matter what age) who told friends...asked friends and got opinions....they got in the way of the decision making process for the buyer...and the majority of the time the buyer stopped listening because it was stressful as it was looking and searching and they realized....in the end....only they could make that decision.

Mitchell... interesting perspective. In a highly competitive market, there is an additional disincentive.

Mana... lots of case scenario factors to consider. Thanks for coming back again and again and answering my questions... I really appreciate it.

Teresa...

Sharon... I think Doug is definitely right at this moment in time. The question I'm pondering is this: "Will it always be right?" I just don't think it's technology driven. Not everything is!

Sally... many have said the same thing as you. I wonder how many will try, treat the home purchase like other things on their social network, only to find it's just not the same.

My highly scientific poll of four Gen Y's have said they would solicit online social network groups opinions on houses that they are interested in. This age group (12-20) hasn't started buying houses yet but is already doing it for everything else they purchase. One has even said that her group of friends has already started doing that with cars. She told me the car is just a step below a house and yes they would do that.

Jeff,I saw your gorgeous face over on my blog site and thought I'd come over and say hi and lookie here...tons of comments and I must admit I have not read one of them because I wanted to get in on this before night fall!!!

Somehow, I think this may be an issue of perhaps age. I'm thinking that the young 20's seem to want to share everything and that buying a house may be something that they would take a poll on. However, I'm equally sure that there are young people who are private and would not wish to blast this information out for all to see and verbalize on.

I can't imagine anyone mature (meaning over 40) opting to share and get feedback on buying a house or anything else for that matter.

Just my 2 cents... from the young one!

I think Doug is very wise. I think someone might come onto a social site and ask a question about home buying, but I don't see them sharing much info over and above that. Great post for a V8 moment!

I agree that buying a home is a personal decision... I disagree that it is a 'private' one. Part of the homebuying process is narrowing down an area, a zip code, a school district, a neighborhood, and getting feedback from friends and coworkers is certainly a part of the process. While I agree that I didn't think to 'run it by' my friends when I was picking a specific home, that's because the specific home doesn't matter to others... who else cares if I have a ranch or split level, or a flat roof or a split floor plan? I know what I like and what I want to live in, but I'll certainly take input as to 'where' that home could be.

As for the social networking sites, I don't think I'd use them for feedback because my myspace friends aren't really 'close friends', but rather a collection of associates and acquaintances... I'll ask the people who matter most.

Ashley... what's interesting is that I might do it for a car purchase, since the chance that someone else in my group might have the same car I'm considering is high. Very interesting discussion.

Gena... I'm not so sure it really is about age. I'm trying to get my head around the psychology of the decision. Thanks for stopping by!

Carole... as Dan below you points out, the most likely candidate for topics is around the narrowing process to get to the where, but not the what.

Dan... I'm with you on this. The social network will come in very handy for the where, less so for the what.

Hi Jeff,

Hope you are doing well.

I don't know about running this past facebook, but I can tell you a lot of folks do as "people at work" what they think and get a LOT of "cubicle wall" advice. You know, they mention something at the office and someone does a Prairie Dog (pops up from a cubicle wall) and tells 'em how they're losing money.

Happens all the time!!

Maybe it doesn't happen on Facebook. But it does happen.

Sorry if I'm being repetitive. There are already 78 comments and I'm not checking to see if I'm redundant!

All the best,
Mary

Jeff - for most of us buying a home is an emotional decision. All the logic is used afterwards to convince ourselves that we did right. So if we want the home badly - we are not going to share, as someone may rain on our parade. For example, I had young buyers totally excited about the home, until their mother came and killed the deal. She could have had reasons, but it's best to leave the decision makers to make decisions.

Mary... hey to you! I think people talk generically, about the neighborhood, schools, area, but not about specific houses. That is the personal part.

Faina... it certainly is an emotional decision for almost everyone. In fact, I've not personally met anyone who doesn't choose a home that way. Your observation is correct. Once we have our hears set, we're not likely to want them unset!

SEP

2007

Jeff - Yes, I would agree with Doug. Buying a home is an extension of a person's private life, kind of like clothes shopping. I have known clients to bring one very close friend with them - a friend who knows the client intimately and can help the client think through the process. But that only enhances this as a personal decision. Not a social one. Meanwhile we are bombarded by vendors of all sorts of snazzy technologies to help in real estate. They want us to believe that technology is the solution to finding a home. So much so that realtors are being warned that they will be replaced with platforms like Zillow and Trulia. And for many potential clients, this may happen. I have found that my niche is becoming that "personal friend" for this one transaction, to help them think through the process. A few times I have had to agree with a client that, well, maybe they are not ready to buy or to move. But in some cases they came back when they were ready, even after searching the web furiously. I don't know if my experience is proof of the idea Doug posed, or just a quirk.

My experience has been quite varied depending on the individual. I think this discussion highlights one of the greatest problems with most real estate programs and services; they don't allow for tailoring the experience to each individual buyer or seller. There is no one answer to your question. Some buyers have significant extended family and friends with whom they want to share and from whom they want feedback. Sometimes one spouse makes the decision without anyone else seeing the property. My over-arching philosophy that guides all of my marketing is that each client should have a unique real estate plan/experience tailored specifically for them. If a product doesn't allow for this then I won't use it. I'm just not a one-size-fits-all kind of Realtor.

I have found that some first time buyers were motivated to buy because their friend bought a house. In that case they usually bring their friends and consult with them. The friends are the expert, because they have experience buying 'one house'. I agree with diane's comments.

I definitely would not ask my family - particularly because they live in another part of the state. I would not ask "casual" friends about it either. I would probably ask some of my "closest" friends, particulary because I am not married or with children who would have some input. More than that, I got to thinking about the buyers I have worked iwth. I can only remember one couple (married less than a year and first time buyers) who brought their parents along for the final decision once they had looked for a couple of months. No one brought friends along to help decide. Good question - got me thinking.

There has always been a small niche of buyers who wouldn't "pull the trigger" on a decison until they ran it by their "experts," Mom/Dad/Brother/etc. I think they might evolve to the social networking process, but I suspect your friend will parallel the majority.

I think you have to look at the audience....age...generation....Generation X in our experienceand our research is loyal to a few friends....realtors.....regardless of buyer agency\experience\knowledge\designations.....can be, if allowed treated with disrespect by the folks who have now seen a few homes and know more than you will ever know about real estate or anything else.

You know Jeff, for the most part I think Doug is right. I know a lot of people who share photos, etc. of the homes they are purchasing, but not for opinion about whether their decision is right, but rather to share "this is what we love or are putting an offer in on or put an offer in on". They are not looking for negative feedback but rather they are looking for excitement and enthusiasm that they themselves already have about the home they are buying.

Jeff,

My 2 cents: the only people involved in making our homebuying decision is Garry and myself. We would never ask for input on a home from a friend or anyone else for that matter, they're not going to live there and I trust our judgement to know what we are going to like...seems pretty obvious. However, I have walked through many a home with buyers and their entourage, so I know that some people to seek the opinions of others.

Whatever works for each home buyer.

I don't know...

1) they say that the easiest way to sell a home is to blanket the neighborhood itself with postcards because most sales come from within - wouldn't that imply that friends tell their friends about listings?

2) when you have a friend looking for a house don't you give suggestions?

3) maybe about the "I don't call my closest friends" is right... but how many of us are friends with our Realtors or realtors out of market and we do call them for advice?

4) on my side of the table - the Mortgage - I can't tell you how many people will take their friend's advice about programs, rates, closing costs, fees etc... people who shovel manure for a living somehow have become the source for all things Mortgages rather than the Mortgage Pro...

they forget that I have analyzed their credit asset and income - things you DO NOT share with your closest friends!

but for whatever reason - "My friend says I should get a rate of 5.5% on my investment property at 100% financing, I am 2 weeks out of bankruptsy with no credit lines and the property is a double wide"

things that make you go, "Superman where are you now? when everything's gone wrong somehow"

Jeff, Sorry for a second comment but I started to think back to my years selling in Pasadena where we had myriad ethnicities. Some cultures tended to bring extended family and friends and it might even be more of a family or group decision as much as it was an individual one. I hope this helps.

Gotta go with Doug on this one and I agree with Missy's comment. While I might ask close friends or family members I can't imagine exposing myself that way on a site like Facebook or MySpace.

While I think these sites serve a purpose I also think they will never cross certain boundaries with most people. I could be wrong.

Great post!

Although I would value the feedback of my friends and family, I would actually shy away from talking with them about the home purchase until after I was pretty sure the deal was going to go ahead. Once I take "ownership" of a home by showing my friends, I would lose a great deal of negotiating leverage, because at that point I am emotionally vested and would feel like I failed if I didn't secure the home.

I have to agree with everyone that said they would not ask friends about a home they were going to purchase. If I am paying for it, it is my decision and I am not worried about what friends think - I would tell them after the fact that I had purchased -

I see your friends point. It is a personal decision and we want to be right when we are committed to the decision, or perhaps the other way around.

Hi Jeff-Never would I consult anyone in regards to where I live or what I was going to buy. I am responsible for me! I would listen to what my friends had to say about what they know or think they know,yes, I would be polite and listen to their opinion but again but still my decision.

After the fact, I would probably share it with everyone. Have you ever bought a house and felt upset about it. Not me...I would most likely be very excited and happy.

SEP

2007

I initially thought to myself, "Doug is just not allowing himself to understand how this new generation thinks."

Jeff... I would have to say this is indeed speaking of psychology and sociology. Individuals who are growing up in the social media phenomena have different psychology and sociology mannerisms.

Z and Y behave differently. In the communications industry, it is becoming apparent that there is a good portion of the X, Y, Z group that doesn't think in terms of "private" amongst casual friends.

The compulsion to check with casual friends is establishing itself more and more in many industries, ranging from recruiting and home remodeling, to the home transaction itself. Keep in mind that the 20 something audience isn't a huge real estate market in most areas, but there are more 20 somethings that are creeping into the 30 something category and buying homes.

Online social communities are changing the way we live in homes, how we decorate them, even how we cook in them. Why would the idea of "purchasing" a home be kept outside of this loop?

Jeff, you still have quite an interesting discussion going on here!

I had read once before how the new generation is a social one that would take to their friends in such important matters as home buying. I wasn't sure I bought into it but didn't bother to delve into more than that at the time. Your post and comments has made me give it more thought now.

You know what immediately came to mind? My culture believes in mal occhio and many children wear ebony eye charms on chains to ward off evil eye. Because of this ingrained type of cultural thinking, major decisions are, more often than not, kept hush-hush for fear that someone will jinx things. Old habits die hard, I think. All that to say that no, I don't think these social networks will dramatically change the home buying process. =)

The problem with not turning on your computers on Sundays is that others do. :) There are some great additions to the conversation here and I want to address just a couple before I have to get on a plane this morning.

Diane... flexibility it key. Culture certainly has a big impact.

David... Superman has left the building.

Jonathon... good point about negotiating strength. This speaks to my question about what the real estate industry should be doing to educate this new social network crowd.

Barry... as usual, great points. Though I think how we live in a house is vastly different than the "specific" buying decision. I've got a follow up to this working in my head based on a cartoon show my kids were watching on Saturday. Blew my mind.

Maggie... old habits do die hard, unless they never develop! :)

On rethinking this, my experience with urban sales - Washington DC condos in this case - might disprove Doug's assertion. When I hold an Open House for one of my DC condos, I often have buyers - singles and couples - bringing along a friend. Most of the single buyers who brought a friend were females, but that was by no means exclusively the case. Now, in the Maryland suburbs, I have never seen this behavior. These buyers would be out for a day, newspaper ad or on-line listings in hand, making a day of it with a friend, going from building to building checking out places to live. So, it might not be that the friend was really consulting one the "buying" of the house, but just enjoying some comraderie in something that was "fun" - house hunting. While not exclusively female, these buyers were almost always in their 20's.

Roger... were these all first time buyers?

Jeff - I believe most were first-time buyers, at least within the DC market. I remember one lady from Atlanta who had just sold a very large house there, and was finding the prices of 2BR condos more than her 3000 SF house in Atlanta. She did bring a co-worker with her. That could be the case of someone having a "local" giving them a tour.

Jeff,

I haven't read all the comments yet but as usual from you, an insightful post that gets me thinking. We have been the same way before - we tell close family AFTER we select the home. I think the next generation may be different - time will tell.

Rita... I think there are two variable working at the same time that confuse the issue a bit. The same folks using the social networks the most are also the ones who are likely first time buyers. I know I consulted with others on my first home more than any other. What i don't want to do is confuse that behavior with behavior precipitated by the social networks. This has been an interesting stream of comments, for sure.

SEP

2007

Great post. Thanks for sharing it with us, and there were some really great points made.

Nicole Garner, Portland Metro Oregon

I go to social site all the time to look for information and things that I am thinking of buying. I think it happens more and more.

By the way Yuwieis growing as a social network site too. I love it.

I hope more people look at these social sites. By the way I have sold my services in them as well. Loans and Insurance. People also buy there.

Nicole... thanks!

Dave... I've seen Yuwie but have not signed up to test it. Not sure how many social networks I can take. :)

SEP

2007

Jeff - I am sure there are varying opinions on this but buying a home to me is a very personal decision. I can see consulting with close family members. I don't see someone making a decision as big as buying a home by consulting folks on facebook.

Wow I never really thought about this but it's true

Bill... I had a few casual conversations with waitresses over the past few days. Each were young, just out of college. I asked them if they had Facebook or MySpace account. Each said they had one of the other or both. None of them were heavy users since leaving college and only checked in on their account casually and only to see photos of what their friends in other parts of the country are doing. It's completely anecdotal, but it has me wanting to do a full fledged study on how the members actually use their accounts.

Katrina... I think so, but I'm now setting my sights on some hard research on this.

Jeff: FYI, my 25-year old daughter who lives in LA used to use MySpace quite a bit but she told me last week that she only checks it once in a while now days; mostly to see what old friends are doing etc.

Jeff,

My vote is absolutely for the latter....I agree that it is a very personal choice and adding more people into the mix just makes the process that more complicated. In the end people just want others to tell them how nice their home is or what a great choice they made....wow factor. -Feel validated. -Just my humble opinion on the subject.

The other side is most of my family members are way to busy managing their own careers and family life to help me make a huge decision like this. When my husband and I purchased our home we made spreadsheets and weighted homes based on our criteria and what was important to us. It was a very drawn out process -but that is who we are. In a way -I wouldn't want to burden them with a decision that is really up to me and my husband. -What's best for MY family and life style is something only we can decide.

Great post which got us all thinking about how will people stay people in the age of all this technology when it comes to consumer purchases. -Its funny because I DO remember asking people about baby furniture and what they thought when I purchased that years ago??? Makes you go hmmmm.... Thanks!!

I think buyers do not won't there friends to judge their decisions. Especially perfect strangers.

As a buyer, I wouldn't want over a million people on Facebook seeing and discussing the home I have under contract either.

As a Realtor, I always seek protect my clients confidentiality.

It just makes it easier to share once we have bought...

SEP

2007

Some thing just have to be said outloud to turn on a lightbulb. I hadn't thought about it, but its true. It's almost like picking out baby names. It's something very personal and close to the heart, and you have to do what you feel is right. If you open it up for debate, everyone has an opinion and will tear it apart.

Great post, thanks so much for sharing.

Lexa

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