As in any industry, Realtors have developed their very own language. Any unsuspecting soul who finds themselves surrounded by this particular population my experience a significant amount of confusion. It sounds like English, it resembles normal speech most of the time, but still there is a code that must be broken. In order to merge the masses, encourage communication, and shed some much needed light on the jibber jargon, I created the "Lost in Transaction" list for normal people.
Lost in Transaction
1. Listing- listing (n) When used as a noun means something the Realtor better sell, in record time. The Realtor often demonstrates either a sense of pride, or a sense of nausea when speaking about a listing. Listing (v), when used as an action word there is obvious hope, excitement, and strategic thought.
2.Appointment- (n) In most cases, appointment is used to describe a meeting in which the Realtor hopes to gain approval and/or acceptance by the non Realtor party. It can also be used as an excuse for any meeting where the Realtor is certain no acceptance is possible. Therefore the word appointment is used quite often.
3. Buyer- (n) Some view this as a mythical creature. There have been a rash of recent buyer sightings therefore lending more weight to their existence. Can be described as "capable", "realistic", and/or a resident of the legendary "La La Land". When used without expletives, the word buyer can immediately gain the attention of any number of Realtors, all at once.
4. Showing Property- (v) Slightly akin to a triathlon minus the finish line and fans. It describes a period of time, usually hours, sometimes days where a Realtor attempts to overcome insurmountable obstacles while operating a motor vehicle, entertaining strangers, answering 4,000 questions simultaneously, monitoring a moody GPS, coordinating potty breaks, explaining the real meaning of water view, running from Fido, apologizing to Bubba for walking in on him in the shower, only to have their guests explain that maybe Boston is a better fit.
If you encounter a Realtor "showing property" be kind, offer them water, remind them they are human and that the day will eventually end, eventually.
5. Closing- (n) The Holy Grail of real estate. Realtors are in constant pursuit of the closing. When referred to as "closing day" the Realtor exhibits confidence, a rare glow, and is admired by others. It can be compared to the Champion Walk. It is the Superbowl of Sales, the Crown of Commission, and the ultimate goal of the lockbox wielding warrior.
Obviously, this is only a small dent in the dictionary of Realtor. Some words and phrases have been removed to protect the innocent, and so that I can keep my job. If you find yourself Lost in Transaction, just pretend to be a buyer, or scream out "I see a closing!" that will ensure your safety or at least get you a free drink.
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