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CONTEST: craziest real estate story

You haven’t really lived until you have worked with the clinically insane. Most of us have that one boss or co-worker that pops to mind when you hear the term “certifiable lunatic.” It’s time to share! Simply tell me your story in the comments and I will pick a winner and feature it on RSS Pieces next Friday.

Now, for your reading pleasure: my favorite story about the most insane boss I have ever worked for:

The setting:

Back in 1999, I was recruited to work for a now defunct Goodrich, Michigan based tech firm called Smart-Aim, which was seeking Venture Funding for a mall-based kiosk and free Internet community offering. My job was to help craft the business plan and shop it around with the company’s eccentric CEO, Garry. The company eventually received a $20 million investment which Garry promptly squandered.

The cast of characters:

Garry: Let me tell you about Garry. Garry was a native Swede that weighed nearly 700 lbs, got around on a motorized scooter with off-road wheels, ate jam from a jar with his bare hands and had outfitted his enormous office with both a hospital bed and a hot tub. The word eccentric doesn’t even begin to describe this man.

Chef Bob: Chef Bob was Garry’s 80-year-old personal chef that had been recruited to man the kitchen at the corporate headquarters with his army of assistants and pastry chefs. Chef Bob has a penchant for electric violin and an irrepressible lust for life having recently traded in his trusty Chevrolet for a snazzy red sports car.

Employee that shall remain nameless (ETSRN): ETSRN was Garry’s driver that also coded on the side (quite badly) and did maintenance work around the corporate facility. ETSRN was one of those people that said he could do just about anything but in actuality was completely unskilled and screwed up just about everything he touched.

The plot:

Chef Bob shows Garry his brand new sports car. Garry decides he should do something special for his elderly chef for all his years of faithful food service and directs ETSRN to install a remote car starter in Chef Bob’s sports car to shelter the aging chef from those frigid Michigan mornings. Unfortunately, ETSRN is not a mechanic and during the install does not properly hook up the gear shifter and the parking break to the sensors. So, needless to say, when Chef Bob starts his shiny new sports car in his Garage one morning, the car starts, shifts into gear and runs over our company Chef. Garry’s gift to Chef Bob was 6 months of pampering by nurses feeding him chicken broth and lime jello as he recovered form 3 broken ribs and a shattered hip.

I have about a million stories from Smart-AIM but I think that one just about says everything.

So, tell me your story…

Posted by Mary McKnight on 11/16/2006 07:54 AM

Comments (34)

contest

34 Comments on CONTEST: craziest real estate story

NOV

2006

I'm going to need some time -

If anyone can beat your story, I'd love to read it.

Great idea Mary, I'll have to get back with you on this one. Loved your story!

Damion, did he have a red stapler?

Oh this one I *have* to bookmark! Eating the jam with his hands is a Duke's of Hazard redneck kind of moment, isn't it?

I will give it some thought. Maybe I should do a blog on some of my management consulting days. I'm not sure that I want to talk about any of my clients-cusyomers in real estate. They may be listening.

Mary Great Post!

So here is mine:

My client literally WAS/IS certifiably insane. In fact he bought the institution that he had "spent Time" in after his release.

So here we have a mix of a man who has a history of being REAAAAAALY out there and a lot and I do mean a LOT of money. He was buying one of our firm's waterfront listings for $3.5M. Unfortunately one of our agents really dropped the ball on the transaction and I as manager had to do clean up duty.

This guy was THE most bizarre client that I have ever worked with and he had pandering attorneys and handlers that really took advantage of his condition. But I still found a way to bond with him, calm him down, get out of a lawsuit and actually win his trust. But WOW when he was off his meds he would scream at the top of his lungs ala RAIN MAN in the airport, then stone faced say "I'm hungry, wanna get some pizza??" "Know where I can find a hooker?" Then two minutes later be ranting about how the world was a giant conspiracy!! Wow!

Well we did manage to close, but with one wonderful little extra incident. At the closing table he believed that his attorney was overcharging him and got on top the table and proceeded to BARK LIKE A DOG until the attorney agreed to lessen his fee.

Our clients and I upon finally leaving were just ...dazed.

As they say Truth truly is stranger than fiction!!

All the best

this will be good! Your story Mary may be the winner though- that is good! I visualized every moment!

I've had cheap bosses- that make you use the glued paper towel off the cardboard roll, split apart 2-ply paper plates and always complained about a meal so he oculd try to get it comped.

I also sold a home that a manic-depressive sponge painted with three colors (pink,blue and gray) alternating the color scheme from room to room; he painted the front door and all of the cabinets this way as well!).

I had a couple get into a big fight while looking at homes and they went back to their hotel where she kicked him out and he slept in the car all nite. (I dumped them).

Let me think it over- but truly- your story is a great one!

Remax of Pueblo awards "The Golden Frying Pan" every year for the strangest stories.

But nobody has topped the Realtor showing vacant land to a couple who had their small dog with them. The hawk came out of nowhere and fluffy was gone. The couple got back into their motorhome and haven't been heard from since.

Yep, that is a keeper of story, Dena! They should have bought the property and erected a monument to poor snatched from the yard Fluffy.

"The Lovely Mary"

Oh man. I gotta' tell ya' a 700lb man would scare the hell out of me. I would have absolutely kept my gun (BAM) close by around this guy. Talk about clinically insane, not to mention the whole enigma thing he has happening...

Boy do I have a story for you...I will have to write in then come back and post it.

Have some things to do first but I will be back...

I am going to enjoy this...Thanks for the fun.

And look at that I have "passion" which will help to tell this story.

TLW "The Lovely Wife"...Getting Ready To Write About Him...ROAR!

Wow, that is a wild story !! I don't think that I could have taken the job in the first place...just meeting that guy would freak me out !!

I can not possibly come up with a true story to beat that !! This is going to be fun blog to keep up with !!

How about the craziest Realtor contest? Sounds like that could be fun too.

Here is my story...

I am laughing out loud at the visual you gave me. Is that wrong of me? Oh well.

I had a boss when I was fresh out of college. Just a quick back ground on her, she was only 3 years older than I at the time and had been married for 7 years (since she was 19). She married one of her high school teachers after discovering she was pregnant. He was a priest.

She was doing things that I found questionable. Expensing sunday breakfest with her family saying she was with a client after coming in late during the week. (the receipts were dated). And the reason she was late is because she was having an affair with our UPS delivery man. Manipulating deliquency but taking money from one cash drawer and posting it to a deliquent mortgage account, only to replace it when the customer did come to pay. We would have to "add" money to the drawer. Since I was just starting my career, I kept my mouth shut. I didnt want to be known as a "whislte blower".

I finally had enough when, in order to hit her numbers for deliquency, she wanted mt to forge an insurance claim for an account! That's is when I had enough. I was not about to go to jail for this wack-o. I called the regional manager and explained to him all the reasons why I was resigning.

Hmm I do have a story in mind, but teh client I am thinking of had a foul mouth not suited for this blog. Mayby I can fill it in with &^%$## or something. :)

Teresa, go for it! I love reading these.

I can definately not compete with Mary's story.

But I will say my worst real estate story involves selling my husband's ex-wife's house! She didn't like me, but she figured I was the one to get the job done, so hired me anyway. And, foolishly, I accepted.

Things actually went along quite well until we got an offer (from another agent) on the house. It was less than full price, and a shorter closing date than she wanted. When I presented the offer to her, she started yelling at me that I had no right to tell those people she would sell the house for that price and get moved so soon. I tried to explain this is just an offer. I didn't promise anyone anything. It's her decision. Well, she did sign the papers but she was a *&^%# to work with for the rest of the transaction. When it came time for her to move she didn't want to go. She had a thing going with the guy next door. Anyway, after much ado, her "boyfriend" told her to go sign the closing papers... so she did. She got moved (out-of-town) and we've been living happily ever after since.

Mary, you are amazing. I have never seen anyone as creative as you at getting people involved with their blogs.

--learning at the master's feet

I heard about a half dozen of Mary's Smart-AIM stories, that may not even be the most unbelievable :) I thought I had some bad stories from working at dot com companies...

Mary - your story is really great - and Dena's dog made me crack up. Ours doesn't even come close. We had a customer that after showing him a couple of properties, decided to place a cash offer in one of them. We told him to meet us at our office that afternoon to draft up the offer. The guys shows up with a backpack and dumps $20,000 in cash on our conference table for the deposit. I'm sure you can imagine how our jaws hit the ground. We had to send him to the bank to get a cashier's check and explain to him that a "cash offer" does not really mean CASH.

ines

Mary..... that was good. You are a good story teller.... lol <teasing>

Damion... I like that.....

Mary... I am so tired.... I can't think. But maybe me? I know I have some stories, but I can't compete against yours.... that was good.

Mary,

I can't wait to see all the horror stories. Mine are boring and basically center around the people coming to me asking if mortgage planning can help them in their situation.

Doesn't sound crazy, does it?

The craziness lies in their situation.

Foreclosure, credit below 500, and wants that 1% rate at 100% financing. I am guessing that it isn't certifiably crazy since there are a few like this (this picture was the worst one though).

Mary,

I have tons of 'stranger than life' stories for you. I'm gonna need some time to work on putting some down on paper to see how they 'sound' thanks for the great opportunity! This is always such a fun place...

NOV

2006

Hmm ok Mary.

Setting:

Home was for sale for 18 months prior. Her son worked for me briefly with the horses. She was an accomplished equestrian. She was also a little out there. She is a trust fund baby. She is in her 50's. Has a Daughter graduating from college. Son has a dependentcy issue. I list and put in escrow in about a week.

Some of the things that happen ( Some )

Daughter calls me to look for some property with her and her mom. Spend 2 days looking and then get a call on why I would sell her moms home.

Seller yells at me because the buyers who she knows from way back want inspections. I find out they know each other but talk badly about each other. Some how I am now the escape goat for years of their relationships.

Son leaves unexpectingly. She calls me on the phone at home. Don't know how she got that number. We talk about the sale. She tells me she asked another Realtor to go over the contract and I missed lots of things and shouldn't be allowed to have a license. She then tells me her son is dead. It is my fault because the person who killed him and buried him somewhere was from when her son worked for me. (son stole from this man after he went to work for him ). Then I am the reason she is drinking. Now she is going to talk to my broker bout getting me fired for selling her home. (She hired me to sell her home) Then she was real friendly and thought we should go and look at properties that she might want. maybe we should go out to dinner or something. I inform her that I am happily married. OOOps. She goes over how powerful her family is. OK.. The as the conversation is ending she tells me this. "Ken can I tell you something from the bottom of my heart." Sure, " I hate you!"

Next day my broker calls me. He tells me he has spoken to her and then asked me how I got hooked up with her. He asked me if I promised favors to her. Then he told me good luck and reality is a stretch for her.

Couple of days latter I get a call from her uncle the lawyer who is talking to me while he is washing his yacht. We go over the contract and where we are in the transaction and he thanks me for taking good care of his niece. Never hear from him again.

Her favorite horse dies ($500,000 horse litteraly) He was 20 years old. Of course this is my fault because he didn't want to move.

just before we close her son calls me to let his mom know he is alive and in rehab because of her and not to tell her where he is. He would call her when he finishes hie rehab.

These are only a few things that happend overthe 30 day close.

I for one am happy that you made it safely out of Goodrich and down to Florida to be co-creator of RSS Pieces!

O.K. here is a little story, about a call I got on one of my listings, honest I am not making this up:

Me: Hello, this is Teresa
unidentified caller: Hi . . . I want to see the house.
Me: O.K. . . which house?
unidentified caller: The one that is for sale.
Me: chuckle, that sounds good, but there are so many for sale, which one? (I am worried that she will say all of them)
unidentified caller: The one that I got the flyer from.
Me: Can you tell me what city it is in? (I have listings in 3 cities, and am trying to narrow it down)

unidentified caller: ummmm yes, It is in South St. Paul.
Me: Was it a rambler over on 18th avenue? (I have more than one listing in ssp)

unidentified caller: (excited) Yes! Thats the one!
Me: How did you find out about it?
unidentified caller: From the flyer.
Me: Do you have a REALTOR?
unidentified caller: I don't know.
Me: O.K., when would you like to see it.
unidentified caller: Today
Me: Any particular time?
unidentified caller: I am not sure.
Me: Can you call me back when you know what time you would like to see it? I would be happy to show it to you. It really is a great house.
unidentified caller: O.K.... click buz

Ken- can you say mental health issues ? I had a very friendly client that answered the door for office preview in her bra. Not a pretty site. She knew we were coming- I called 30 minutes before to remind her. She never put a blouse on, she stood there and greeted everyone and acted as if no big deal. We did out best not to roar with laughter until we got to the car. The out of town daughter owned the home, so I had a legit listing but this woman (65-70 yrs old) was a bit eccentric and we ended up cancelling listing.

Michele

Yikes scary

Not enough room here to tell mine, but it will be the subject of my next post.

I've been fortunate to have bosses, managers, Presidents of Companies who are only eccentric and not unbearable. I guess I'm lucky. But I DO have a Realtor® story.

My first listing, buyer's agent is a woman who has been in the business a long time. With another company. After we get an accepted contract, it becomes obvious there are issues between the buyer and agent....his issues basically require therapy of the professional level, but she could not deal with this or his strong personality. He started calling ME and it was a quick beginners lesson for me on what to do and not to do when I was not the person representing the buyer.

Fast forward a year. It's a nice day, I am showing a house and the listing agent is the same lady mentioned above.My client and I walk up the stairs to the kitchen and we hear a few sparking sounds so we change our course and head for the basement. The sparking is coming from the furnace, all over, little white light sparks! I say go outside now! As I hit the driveway I'm calling the agent. ME: Donna, you need to tell me what to do or get your owner here asap, there is sparking coming from the furnace. Donna: oh that's ok Carole, I told him the furnace was dusty so he needed to hose it down. ME: Hose the furnace while it is running? (Or anytime I thought!) Donna: Yes, I recommend that frequently, easier than dusting it. ME: CALL YOUR OWNER NOW I will turn the furnace switch to off if he authorizes it. Donna: Ooooh you think it's a problem? Ok I will call him

NOV

2006

"The Lovely Mary"

On second thought the story I am linking you to is the craziest I have...Honestly! Nothing tops this one for me.

The Dark Side Of Real Estate...I Need A Flashlight...Do You...ROAR!

I wrote this on October 16 2006. It is in My AR Blog.

TLW "The Lovely Wife"...Real Estate Has A Dark Side...ROAR!

NOV

2006

TLW MDF: I hope that story had a good ending overall! After you got home were you scared sh________? OMG Sent shivers down my back. And yes it's also very sad.

Ines - we had a similar situation. We went to a closing for a property we owned. Buyer showed up with cash, lots of cash, in very small bills. Turned out he owned an adult entertaiment club. Very interesting closing.

MDF...Actually no! I wanted to hit the a*sh*le with my "Daddy Louie"...You would not believe how much I wanted him to make one move and give the excuse. But, you know what I think I scared the hell out of him! Go Figure...TLW...ROAR!

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