More than anything else, people want to be heard and understood. 

Every relationship that we have, is one that we have with ourselves first.

So how do we become an effective listener when these two statements are conflicting?  We see the world through our own eyes and with our own experiences first and our job is to try to understand what the other person is trying to say when they are speaking from their point of view and experiences.

There is only one way and it's to really listen. 

Listen



The reason that I am writing about listening is that sales people tend to be very verbal and great talkers, but sometimes I'm not so sure that they actually listen.  As real estate agents we're trained to make a listing presentation, and trained to explain how great a house is or how experienced we are, but I haven't seen much training on how to listen.

Here are some tips to improve your listening skills.  

1. Practice in the morning when its still quiet outside.  Stand on you back porch and listen.  Now focus, what can you hear that you didn't hear at first?
2. When you are talking to someone, mimic their body language and posture.
3. Use appropriate eye contact.  Don't stare at the wall or behind someone, but also don't make them feel uncomfortable by staring in to their eyes if that forces them to look away.
4. Smile or nod your head in understanding.  Be involved in their speaking.  Listen with your face.
5. When the other person stops talking, reiterate their words to clarify the meaning.
6. Ask questions, don't assume anything.
7. If you didn't hear something, don't fill in the blanks with your own words.  Ask!
8. Don't think ahead.  Don't assume you know what the other person is going to say, wait for them to tell their story.  Do not finish the sentence for the other person.
9. Don't be impatient, take a deep breath and remember standing on your porch this morning.  Remember how much more you heard when you really listened?
10. Use appropriate distance when positioning yourself to other person.  There is nothing worse than a "close talker" if it makes the other person uncomfortable.
11. Don't jump in and talk when the other person takes a breath.  Wait.  Silence is honestly golden in communication.  Body language, facial movements and body gestures speak too.
12. Don't let your emotions jade the conversation, it's not always about you.  People have their own drama and most of the time it doesn't involve you.
13. Treat listening as a challenging mental task.  You need to concentrate on what is being said instead of making a grocery list in your head.  Listen in the moment, don't think about "before" or "later".
14. Practice listening.

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So tonight when you have dinner with your family you can practice and I bet you'll blow them away.  Turn off all the noise in your head, stop the "to do" list and forget about that crazy client today.  Focus on the people sitting around the table with you.  Look at them when they talk.  Repeat their sentences back to them in your own words.  Ask questions.  I bet you'll get some strange looks, especially if you have teenagers. 

We were given two ears but only one mouth.

This is because God knew that listening was twice as hard as talking.