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Do you have Boundaries?? Tell the truth....

I feel a need to draw a line in the sand but I am not sure how.....

Do you have boundaries?

I just returned from an intensive 2 day seminar in Las Vegas. This was a Re/Max Team Summit with Brian Buffini. I would have to say I am on brain overload from the seminar but in a good way.

First I wanted to mention I had the pleasure of having dinner with my O.C.D. friend Ms. Renee Burrows. It was a pleasure to meet you Renee and have a chance to chat about the business and other "things"

Let me tell you fellow AR members, don't be fooled by that pretty face. Renee is one smart cookie who I would proudly call my agent if I lived in Vegas. Okay back to the subject at hand

...Anywhoo..I learned so much that my brain is spinning. Now I am trying to figure out where to start and what to do???

Here's the first subject I need to address. Boundaries.

It seems that real estate agents as a whole don't have any boundaries. I am all too familiar with that. I am not even going to address this on a team level, strictly client and agent. I end my day almost every day feeling completely drained. My clients suck the life out of me.

Let's see if you can relate ......

Do you find yourself going home worrying about your clients personal problems and current situation.
Do you find yourself trying to make friends with your clients before the transaction is closed.
Do you find yourself answering your cell phone ALL the time.
Do you find yourself telling a client "Oh sure call me anytime"
Do you find yourself working hours and times when you had no intentions of working

Than I am proud to say... welcome to my hell and pull up a chair.. YOU need Boundaries. Now the best part of this post is ... I don't have the answers, yet I suffer from the problem.

So anyone who feels they know how to set boundaries... Advise on taking a "step-back", please feel free to counsel me.

I've got my feet up and on the couch and I am ready for some TREATMENT!!!!!

I do believe that if we put more worth in what we do the clients well respect the boundaries we have set. Why should we be afraid to tell clients we only return calls between 9-5? Or that we are unavailable after a certain hour each day?

I do believe that has to be a way to give a client great personal service without getting personally involved.

I am just not sure after doing this for more than 17 years I can go backwards.

HELP!!!!

Posted by Desiree Daniels on 09/27/2007 03:36 PM

Comments (112)

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112 Comments on Do you have Boundaries?? Tell the truth....

SEP

2007

I get personal....sometimes...not all the time...and do help a lot after the transaction closes...like change locks, blinds, stuff like that.. I do tell them...don't call after 9 (they hardly do) and not before 7 (I like coffee and email and blogging)

Boundaries are good. Boundaries help you keep your sanity. During the transaction I have boundaries...but go above and beyond like a lot of agents do. And you are CORRECT that they will respect you.

I may make a lot of friends...but they respect me, my time and if they don't I shut the phone off at 9. I did that for a couple who wanted to air their arguments out with me at 11pm! Nope...not marital problems.

This is what I did with my adult children...set boundaries and stayed consistant. They respect me and don't even try to take advantage.

I have the same problem. I have a friend who says in their voice mail that they'll return calls left during the business hours of 8am to 9pm Monday thru Saturday. Calls left after business hours or on Sunday will be returned the next business day. Another just changes her voicemail at least one day per week to say "I'm in a conference and will have limited access to voice mail. If it's an emergency, please feel free to contact my office at xxx. Otherwise I'll return calls the next business day." It helps keep their sanity. I havent been gutsy enough to try it yet, but it's tempting.

Hi Desiree,

1st, I do agree that you need to maintain a separate life from any type of work and stick to those boundaries you set. However, you have to be realistic about timing. When do most working people come home? If they are working from 9-5 and you are working from 9-5, who are you going to talk with during the day?

Every plan of attack has flaws because we are all human and there is no full proof plan to adhere too. Though you set goals and standards to reach those goals, many forget that every plan must be flexible. Flexible enough to maybe set your work schedule to a different time to enjoy family life more or able to talk with more clients?

Flexibility is a concept many don't factor in or they take advantage of it. I need to get my hair cut, so I will do it at 4pm when I had planned to make cold calls, "it will only take 15 minutes"! After a while, the flexibility is the same as not having a plan itself because you deviate from your goals and they are hence, not reached.

Goals take persistence to achieve and going to get that hair cut while you had already planned something is not helping you reach your success. I have a hard time working from home. Every 5 minute excursion here and there adds up. My family just sees it as only a few minutes and if I explain to them that this is work, they get flustered. If I was at work at the office, that would be different. Go figure........

Soooooooooo, as an opinion, making boundaries in your work habits are important but remember to make sure they are still flexible enough to answer a call or two when your clients are in need. Maybe counseling your clients to a degree where you say, "I will receive calls up until 8pm or later". Whatever the time is, you have told them and if need be, remind them in a way that you don't seem unapproachable.

Sorry, long winded............ Good luck

Sally - Its so hard not to get personal when what we do is such a "personal" thing. I guess the question is what other professional is available 7 days a week from 9 - 9pm ? I can't think of one can you?

I've been planning a day off for myself for months now. The phone always rings though, and I always check email (even on vacation). I'm still pursuing the day off, I just don't see it in sight. At this point i'm waiting for the next big snow storm, but even then, I have out of state clients that I deal with!

When I find myself having enoough, I will just stop, front end the Voicemail, auto respond the email, and quit for the day. I do not set "office hours" but if I am available I will answer the phone or work. Many a times if you call me late and I answer, you will hear the kids behind me in the office. And sometimes the kids wear me out and I take them to school, come home, lay on the couch and watch Regis and Kelly before I ever walk into the office. Then sometimes I am talking to clients at midnight.

I don't really set boundries with my clients or with myself. But when I feel burnt out or the family starts to complain then Yes, I will take some time off and do what I want to do.

Hey Desiree, I forced myself to have boundaries this year. I still have a hard time knowing when to stop working sometimes...but I was on the verge of burn out. That is never good.

It sounds like you had a good seminar. A little Buffini is always good! Sounds like you had fun too. ;-)

Hi Desiree. I am working on this too. Not answering my phone all the time...taking on too much for my clients.....I just set some hours because Katerina told me too. :) Wich has made a world of difference. Baby steps.....thats what I am focusing on. :)

Christopher - I that is a perfect suggestion. Start with the availability on the phone. We have to stop fearing that "they" will call someone else if we don't call them back in 5 mins. Sometimes being to available and readily accessible is a bad thing.

Desiree - From the sound of it you already know what to do it is just a matter of doing it. Which is better, customers first or family first? Easy choice right? Talk to you soon and let us know how the new work hours are treating you.

I do not mind getting personal at all, and I usually end up as close friends with my clients. But I can set down my cell phone and walk away. I don't have any trouble doing it. During more difficult times I'm less likely to do that, but I do try to give myself some space. Otherwise I'm not having fun anymore and then what's the point?

Roy - thanks so much for the input. Everything you said is correct and Flexibility is a key component to our job. Thanks again.. and be as long winded as you wish ;)

Glad I had fun and learned alot. I hope to hear more, wanted to come but couldn't make it.

Right on Desiree - we all need boundaries. No cell phone number on my business card. One other thing learned was to plan the end of your day! You'll miss less when everyone knows you're coming home!

I can see how many can get too involved or over involved with their client's issues or problems. I have started to lay back and remember it is business and their business is just that "Their business".

WE need to take control of our lives and our destiny..Great post.

Chad - We must make time for ourselves.... along with that and setting the boundaries. With all of that said we will be "fresher" to serve our clients if we continue to take time for ourselves. Thanks for the input... and lets get to schedule some time off

Desiree- LOVE THIS!! "Than I am proud to say... welcome to my hell and pull up a chair.. YOU need Boundaries. Now the best part of this post is ... I don't have the answers, yet I suffer from the problem. " I am SO right there with you... I enjoy getting close to my clients, but haven't been able to step back and claim that I have a real life outside of their transactions. Please don't forget to share with me any new solutions you come up with!!

Great post! Real estate unlike any other business should have more boundaries than it does. But because our income ebbs and flows you got to hop to it or someone else will take it from you. I was at a seminar many years ago and a person asked the speaker how to avoid picking up the phone after 5 pm in the evening, and how could one avoid working weekends. The speaker told the person by getting another job. I agree. Real estate is a bitter sweet career that allows us to make great money when it is there, and if you are wise it will carry your over the rough spots when it isn't there! I I love real estate because it afforded us an opportunity to send two children to private schools, take piano lessons, and finish college without debt. We decided that was out goal in life and decide to pass on the luxury cars, homes and boats.

Because our business is more web and Internet based...we developed more leads than we could handle. For us the slack was pulled up by referring excess leads to other agents. That freed up a lot of spare time.

Stephanie - glad its working for you.... any secrets you want to share with us on how you implemented it?

Pamela - Baby steps huh... right now I feel like I am barely crawling

Desiree- "Boundaries" this is a big thing for many people regardless of the job. Sometimes it's about respect for self, and our time, but many times it's an over zeleous agent that truly wants to help; is a giver.

I can honestly say I set my 'boundaries".....I have informed clients, and vendors that I am not available during the hours of 2-4pm......this is MY Nap time :) :) Much of my work is in the middle of the night (time differences between countries) and I am exhauseted by mid-morning. These 2 hours, whether I nap or not refreshes me for the rest of the day.

At first people laughed at me.....but now they preface a call by "sorry, is this your nap time" :) Works for me :) :)

Boundaries - smoundaries - If you had them I'd probably without a job! I think you mentioned they said not to hire friends either, so sounds like I am pushing the envelope

Hey Desiree: There is SUCH a fine line between no boundaries and self defined boundaries....Start by knowing regardless of whatever you do or whatever systems you put in place you're not going to get it all...the stuff you didn't get you weren't supposed regardless of how big or small. Because of your personality and drive...your clients already know you'll do EVERYTHING you can for them...end of story. So do not become another Pavlov and answer every time you hear the phone ring. Respect your family, friends and self and your clients will respect you too...even if that means you don't answer the phone or worry about their issues every minute of every day! By the way...for those clients who decide not to respect you....uh...they make termination forms for them! HUGS!

Hi Desiree,

Do you find yourself going home worrying about your clients personal problems and current situation.

Do you find yourself trying to make friends with your clients before the transaction is closed.

Do you find yourself answering your cell phone ALL the time.

Do you find yourself telling a client "Oh sure call me anytime"

Do you find yourself working hours and times when you had no intentions of working

Guilty of all 5. I hear all of what has to be said and I am not sure if I am able to set boundaries. If you find a way please keep me informed. Or keep me up to date how boundaries are working for you.

Rian - I do know the problem .... i just can't seem to break the habit <sigh>

Sarah - so who says work has to be fun???

Of course there isn't any available.....only us. I forgot to add....it doesn't mean it's not hard to keep boundaries. It is. I always want everyone to like me ....well, maybe not....haha. Bottom line...it must be done...for sanities sake...plus..the rewards of respect sure outweigh the "guilt" until we get used to it. :)

Hey, I've missed seeing you around...would love to hear more about the Buffini man when you're not still spinning! :)

Missy - you missed a great one.... I am going to share as much as my brain allows... have a great one

Andy - Plan the end of your day!!! great words to live by huh.. now lets see if i can do it!!

Laura - WE need to take control of our lives and our destiny.. Amen Sister

Sandi - I'll keep you posted if I find any real resolution here... thanks

SEP

2007

Desiree - Being self employed has its rewards but as you know has its problems. One of the problems is as you stated "boundaries". Yes we need them. It is hard to keep them though. Just like other with jobs, I plan a day off and stick with it. People will respect it. Hold on to your convictions. You will be amazed how many people will respect your "boundaries".

ME, I say it!! Work should be FUN!!!! If you're not having fun, you're doing it wrong!

Money's nice and all, don't get me wrong, but if it's not fun I don't want to do it over and over and over again. Why would I punish myself every day? I work with people I really like, we laugh a lot AND we get the job done. If it weren't fun, I'd be back volunteering at the animal shelter making doggies happy. Life's too short.

HAVE FUN TODAY.

I have some reading to do here Desiree-- I will bookmark this and read when the sun comes up...it's almost up now!! Looks like a great read. Something I need to look into more! I will be back.

Desiree - To a large extent, I'm guilty as well. Then I think, do we define our work or does work define us? Hmmm, we should have boundaries...I concur wholeheartedly! This is an important post because I feel one of the biggest disservices we could do to ourselves and to some extent our clients, is not to respect our time off.

BTW, I hope to meet you in person sooner rather than later.

Desiree, you say you are not sure after 17 years you can go back. Well, wait until you get to 31 - it's even worse. I thinkall good REALTORS have the problem. After all , we are in the business to help and we are not the type of people to just shut down like a supermarket or bank, but I still love it, Karen

I'd venture a guess that one of the reasons you've been so successful is because you are available to your clients and provide excellent service. You must be doing this because on some level you like to be needed and have a strong desire to please them. Nothing wrong with that - I'm the same way! My guess is that you are the "counselor" to all your friends and family as well. It's just who you are, and you probably won't change. However...maybe you just need to set aside some time that is just for you. You'll probably find that you don't need as much time as you think. For me, that is the time I spend running 3x a week. I schedule it in and respect it as "me" time...just as important as "client" time. On those days, I don't start my actual work day until around lunchtime. I'm more productive in the evening and late afternoon anyway, why try to hem myself in to a 9-5 routine? I like the flexibility provided by my real estate career.

I've had clients tell me that they felt like they were my only client...and that made them feel special and respected. I'd rather have fewer clients that I can make totally happy than many clients that feel like one of the crowd. Maybe it's time to dump the life-suckers and keep the good ones.

Jim - well i certainly don't want to get another job... so i guess i have to go with the flow of things then huh

Kathy -I love that "nap time"..... we could all use a siesta during the day to refresh. thanks for sharing

Jay - Go sell a house young man!!!

Shannon- Oh don't get me wrong I don't work with people that don't' respect me... I just lack the boundaries that I should use with regards to my availability... but it will change.. it has to change

Patrick -- Guilty of all 5. I hear all of what has to be said and I am not sure if I am able to set boundaries. If you find a way please keep me informed. Or keep me up to date how boundaries are working for you.

Maybe there is a majic pill we can take to "fix" us.....

Sally -You're right ... this job is very rewarding.. took me a while to figure it out ... now I am just trying to "tweak" it... thanks

Shannon- We can compare notes anytime you want... I am sure we could learn alot mutually but I am only available between 9 - 5 pm eastern standard time :)

Absolutely guilty! I have even gone so as to invite my single clients over for holiday meals! It is impossible for me NOT to pick up the phone when its ring is so darn inviting!

Chuck - I am going to work on it... it is very hard though to break old habits

Sarah - If you're not having fun, you're doing it wrong! Can it really be fun every day???

I can honestly say "NO" to all.

Do you find yourself going home worrying about your clients personal problems and current situation.

I don't worry about anything. Worrying doesn't solve problems. Actions solve problems.

Do you find yourself trying to make friends with your clients before the transaction is closed.

Absolutely not. I want them to respect my experience and advice. I already have lots of friends.

Do you find yourself answering your cell phone ALL the time.

I do NOT. My cell phone is for my convenience. My 800# is my business phone. My cell phone is in case I break down on the road.

Do you find yourself telling a client "Oh sure call me anytime"

Absolutely not. I work early. If they want to call at 7:00 a.m. fine. But, not late in the day.

Do you find yourself working hours and times when you had no intentions of working

Never. I work a lot, but only within my plan and schedule.

Yes. I'm an independent cuss, but I know what works for me. I love my work. I control my work. My work doesn't control me.

Great post.

OK, you got me. No not EVERY day will be fun. Some days suck. But MOST of the time, you should be having a fabulous time! You should be happy going in to work. When I start to cringe when my phone rings (and it's not right before a closing or in mid-crisis), I TURN IT OFF. It's just a phone. I probably can't fix the problems until morning anyway. I can check my messages and make it all better and then call them back, TA-DAA, all good again. I take smoke breaks during the day if I'm getting fed up. I don't smoke, I just want to feel the breeze and watch cars go by for about three minutes. Then I'm back and I feel better.

If it's not fun, it's not worth it.

I started in this business 14 years ago working for a real estate attorney who also owned a title company. Anyone from this end of the business knows all about long hours and invasive work time. I used to work all day, everyday, drive in on Saturdays and fret on Sundays. There were times I would pull a midnight shift trying to work with clients, lenders, real estate agents, and other attorneys.

Then a great thing happened. I started a family. The birth of my daughter revived my life in a very meaningful way, it obliterated the "slave" style I was slinging around.

And you know what. My clients appreciated it, my friends appreciate it, my family appreciated it and so do I. I was fresh and invigorated keeping to more regular hours. It gave me perspective and kept me on my toes.

This doesn't mean that I don't pull "overtime" occasionally, because I do. But it does mean that I don't make a habit of it, but I have a balance. I had to get real with myself. I like working and like what I do, but as a good friend put it, "I work to live, I don't live to work".

Rebecca D. Levinson-Connect2Agent.com

Well either Iam in good company or something is wrong with me too..but that is what I love about this job..no office hours...I can do business in my PJs....so If I set boundaries, then I have to have some too...don't know if I want that....

Candice - Well I am expecting a return visit from you once you've reviewed it... and give me the CURE!!

Jason -Pick a date and we can commiserate together and some "watering hole"

Great discussion here.

1. I give everyone my cell number. Not my home number. I can turn the cell off!

2. I will work all day Saturday, but not Sunday. That's my family day. No exceptions (okay, not in a while!) Every time I did break that rule, for an "emergency" it never seemed to pan out anyway. So no Sundays. Everyone needs 1 day off a week where you don't have to get dressed.

3. I tell everyone my cell phone is off after 9 pm. I work 7 am-9 pm. Anything else can wait till the morning.

4. WE ARE PROFESSIONALS! We don't have to be there 24/7 for everyone under the sun who may call in.

These are great points. I definitely starting to draw personal boundaries from my business: I don't answer phone during meal times, whether by myself dining or with family, and certainly with company. I don't answer phone before 9am nor after 8pm. And I am starting to draw a definitely boundary with my cell phone ;) Resisting the urge of checking email around the clock so I can actually focus and get some stuff done.

Cheers,

Cindy

Do you find yourself going home worrying about your clients personal problems and current situation. Obviously most people worry about work at some point, but I don't spend time worrying about my clients personal problems. I am not their therapist.

Do you find yourself trying to make friends with your clients before the transaction is closed. I am not there to make friends. Be nice, have fun at my job, be professional absolutely. Yes I have made some friends in the process, but not my goal.

Do you find yourself answering your cell phone ALL the time. I think I am one of the few agents in town that does not give out their cell number. I have a call forwarding service, so I can see who is calling me, but also it controls the amount of places I have to check for messages.

Do you find yourself telling a client "Oh sure call me anytime" No way!!! I encourage my clients to email me first or leave a message, but what the heck can I do at 8:00 at night on a transaction?

Do you find yourself working hours and times when you had no intentions of working Well this happens to all of us. The clients coming in from out of town over the holiday weekend...I have lost business because I spent Memorial Day with my family, and I am okay with that.

I rarely work a holiday, or Sunday. I just say no, and you know what, people are okay with that. People understand and respect boundaries. Agents are so wrapped up in the fear of losing business to someone else because they didn't pick up the phone that one time. I had one person, just once, leave me a voice mail ON EASTER that said "If you can't even answer your phone, I don't want to do business with you." Good riddance is my thought. If you can't respect MY TIME, then I don't want them as a client.

People have been trained by real estate agents to think of us as doormats..."Call us anytime!" If you are tired of being a doormat, get rid of it.

I am so glad I am not the only person experiencing this. I have problems with boundaries and work all the time but stopped letting my clients problems become mine, so I guess I am getting a little bit better!

Desiree~ I'm just like you, and at times have a very hard time setting boundaries. It's been interesting to read the comments and advice shared, will be great for me to digest;) Excellent points to bring up! LOVE IT!

Desiree: Here's a good question...does a Realtor want their success team to have boundaries? The Realtors that I work with don't like me, as a lender, to have boundaries. I have soft boundaries. I plan to work 45 hours or so a week and take the weekend off. But I am available on my cell phone after hours or weekends in case there's something that needs immediate attention. I'm all for boundaries...but I wonder if most Realtors would extend that courtesy to me. What do you think, gang?

Desiree... I strongly suggest that before you consider setting boundaries you first get deeply inside yourself and define what are your Values. Use your Values - the ones you are living through your actions or firmly intend to live (behave by) as a foundation for determining what kinds of boundaries you think you need in order to support your Values and the kind of life you want, both business and personal.

I read Lenn Harley's comment. I don't know this for a fact, but I'd be willing to bet that Lenn's boundaries are firmly rooted in her Values. And I'd bet that there are no conflicts between her boundaries and her Values. I can feel it in her writing.

This is a great post. (BTW- I just spent 2 days with Buffini too- this week.) I do have boundaries. I am a third generation agent. My mom, who is fabulous and I adore her- love you mom if you are reading- has never been good with boundaries. I still hate it when she answers her phone when we are having lunch. Come on mom!! Today, I try to be much better with my kids. It is still a struggle, but I schedule them first. I do walk away from my phone at times. I had another agent call me twice recently at 11pm at night. She was upset I didn't respond until 8am. CRAZY!!!

Desiree - It is difficult for me to adhere to boundaries. I have many times offended my family by answering the phone or cancelling a planned activity. Not good. I think I need a Buffinin weekend!

Dez...

8 A.M. to 8 P.M.
No Sundays and Real Holidays (Easter, Thanksgivng, Christmas)

How's that for a few boundaries? :)

Hey...This is a pretty 'normal' comment coming from me.

That being the case let's mix it up...Define 'normal' :)

TLW...ROAR!

Well...

I guess that sign in kinda blew 'normal' out of the rain water :)

TLW...ROAR!

I saw a segment on TV about one of the top female agents in the Miami area. She was having marital problems and "trained" her clients not to call after 8pm. Unlike her, I hadn't implemented that. My friends from the Netherlands were here for 2 weeks in the beginning of August. They just called me to ask if I had taken a holiday (as they call it) yet. They went on to demand that I stop and take some time for myself because they saw the craziness while they were here. I guess it takes an outsider to bring something front and center. My new goal for next week is to change my voicemail and advise my clients and agents of my new contact hours......if I didn't admit I'm terrified I will lose business I'd be telling a fib.

Yes you can set boundaries, but call them expectations. I am working on this right now with 2 agents in my office. Set up a schedule and follow it. Return calls, don't answer them. Set up real time voicemail letting people know when you will be returning calls. This is a great beginning.

No, I don't have boundaries, but I was thinking of going in for liposuction to get some.

I have boundaries. I have them because my wife and I run a business. We have business hours and we have limitations as to what our business is that pertains to our clients. We are friendly with our clients without being friends. We do not socialize with our clients, although we do have occassions to gather with them on a social level.

Basically, if you have the mondset that you are actually running a business, you will naturally start setting up boundaries. Retailers don't worry about customers at 10PM if they close their store doors at 9PM. If they wish to be there for their customers 24 hours a day...then there is a cost.

Desiree - Sound like a great time - sometimes getting away to work "on my business" versus "in my business" helps me step back and regroup and "refortify" my boundaries.

Desiree, I achieved the setting of boundaries years ago after taking Joe Stumpf's Main Event. He is a big proponent of boundaries and setting things up in 'windows' or boxes. I needed to learn that back then as I was close to burn out.

Good post....I know a lot of people need to work on boundaries and not feel guilty about setting them.

Desiree - Thanks for a great post. I learned the "Boundary" lesson years ago and made ground rules that I have stuck with like not answering my cell phone after 9:00 p.m. and not working weekends. I thought this would hurt my bottom line but the opposite has happened. I hope you are recuperating and doing well.

Hey Desiree, I just noticed your question to me.

I took each month and wrote down the days that were important to ME. Family, kids, Dr. Appts. etc. Then I took a different color ink and wrote down things that I want to do...concerts or other events. Another color for prospecting and GREEN for closings. :) I then work my schedule around that.

I realized that getting EVERY client may not be the way I want to go. The ME time and PROSPECTING time got less and less. Then Burn out...then less business also. I couldn't do it. That is how I have kept my sanity this year.

Some may not like it...but it works for me.

Desiree, the first comment by Sally C mentions adult children and expected boundaries. People will respect boundaries if they're set up front and we are consistent. Consistency is the key. It sets people at ease, and allows them to worry about something or someone else instead of you and their transaction. You deserved the star on this one. Great comments from the group and others, too!

Mike in Tucson

Karen - Oh god you mean there is no hope it will just get worse???

Kelly - Yes I am the counselor how did you know?

Wendy - Guilty as charged OJ... now what?

Lenn - Gotta love a gal who shoots from the hip and it appears to me you don't give a rats ass who's boat you might rock................. I LOVE YOU.. thanks for the comments

Sarah - Okay I am shooting for fun.. and if my clients have a problem with it.. i am passing out YOUR number... thanks for the advice darlin'

Rebecca - Okay so I should just have kids and then the boundaries will be easier to implemented.... okay.. my mom will be thrilled.

Konnie - can do business in my PJs....so If I set boundaries, then I have to have some too...don't know if I want that.... good question... and the answer is ???

Erica - You go sister :::clappin::::

Cindy- okay so i'll resist... or at-least i am going to try.. thanks for the input

Melina - People have been trained by real estate agents to think of us as doormats..."Call us anytime!" If you are tired of being a doormat, get rid of it. - need i say more on that one!!

Kerry - So we can sink the boat together... here's too happy sailing!!!

Laura - I am so happy to find all these fellow victims.. here's to a resolution!

SEP

2007

Desiree, I am guilty as well of all 5. I don't have the answers either.

Good post. May we all do better on these issues.

Desiree-

I am a guilty party to all 5. What I took away from the RE/MAX Team Summit seminar is . If I think for one moment working 24 hours a day 7 days week makes me a good agent. "IT DOESN'T" but yet it's 2:25 AM almost a week later from the seminar, I am still working and I have not learned yet to say NO.

BTW- it was a pleasure meeting you and as always I enjoy your post.

I have tried to draw the same boundries with clients before but my personal nature takes over and i always revert back. I answer my phone up to 9pm and as early as 8am. I do get involved in clients lives and issues as I feel it may be relevant to their purchasing decision. Given most clients work a 9-5 job I just feel that I need to work around their schedule and not them so much around mine.

Wow ...I think its great everyone has a phone that rings off the hook all the time. I'm new and haven't sold anything yet or had many calls. My solution is maybe you should forward those calls to some people who are new and share the wealth. I know of one right now ...ME!

Send all calls to Rich Weaver care of Keller Willaims Realty 918-876-2464 ...Peace!

Of course you have to have boundries; other professionals do and don't step over their "line".

Try calling your doctor or attorney sometime at 9:00 on Saturday night and see what happens. Try following their example.

Our fellow Realtors that advertise "call me 24/7" crack me up. If anyone calls me at 3:00 AM I'm hanging up on them. ;-)

Such a fine line. On one hand we want to establish rapport with the client. On the other hand, we want to separate business from personal. Personally, I try to provide such a high level of service that I feel I am doing a dis-service by not being available when they "need" me.

We wouldn't call the dentist at 9:30pm to ask a question so why do our clients feel it is ok to call us? Is it because our listing presentation went until 10:00pm so the seller figures we are available that late?

I think deep down that as full-service agents, we feel that by not being available to our clients 24-7, we are going to lose their business or their referral business. That just isn't true. If we provide exceptional service between normal working hours, our clients will not have those "After-hours needs".

Easier said than done.

great article , thx for sharing

That's my girl. :o)

DEZ: I wouldn't consider it going backwards, I would say that it is a step forwards. As a team leader, people shouldn't have round the clock access to you anyway. I haven't gotten to the point of building a team yet, but when I do, I will definitely take more "me" time. How many of these things are really emergencies anyway? Very few. The only thing that I can tell you to do is follow what you learned out there and delegate to your team. If you tell people beforehand that their needs will always be taken care of in a timely manner, but you do have "office hours" (for lack of a better term), they will know how to set their expectations.

Desiree - It's not that hard and small steps work.... start by deciding what is the latest you will take a call - and be realistic... you're in a business that probably requires evening work, so 7? - 8? i don't know, but you decide and publish it... tell all new clients and people you work with. and Turn off your phone at tht time. The ONLY exeption I make is if I am in ACTIVE negotiations on a property and I am expecting a return call from a realtor on a particular evening late...

You will feel in control again (which is what the lack of boundaries is about) if you take this one step....set your end of day time and YOU respect it... Hope that helps...

I LOVE what David Bennett wrote: "If we provide exceptional service between normal working hours, our clients will not have those "After-hours needs"."

It is all about setting expectations. I have boundaries and I stick to them. The only exception, as Eva mentioned, is if I am negotiating an offer and it's necessary to go into longer hours than usual. I have not lost business because of my boundaries, on the contrary, my clients respect my boundaries just as I respect theirs and everyone else's. We all need boundaries of some sort - without those one can get severely burned out in this business.

Ann

Joey - that was part of our discussion - We the agents put it in the minds of our clients that "everyone" is reachable immediately. I know I've caught myself saying oh I'll has this mortgage rep. call you right back to get you pre-approved... when actually I should have said I will have them call you either today or tomorrow without all the "emergency" involved. I would respect that.

Bill - Values.... now your getting deep on me... I have very HIGH values and standards I hold myself and my team accountable for... my parameters are just lacking

Ginger - Well I am sure your mother is proud of you not repeating her mistakes good for you

Paula - Buffini was great... don't cancel plans with your family!!

Hi Desiree

I have the same issue. I was even at my brother in-laws funeral and had to leave because I needed to get something signed. I have a buyer purchasing a home from England right now and he is 6 hours difference in time. He calls me at 2 am. I have tried to use e-mail a lot more. I tell the sellers and buyer it is a quicker way to communicate with them and they can look at it on their time. It is working a lot better for me. I keep them update on showings and what is going on with the purchases this way. I can sit down and e-mail at a time when it works for me. Sometimes however we have to make adjustments being in the business that we are in. We are serving the public and have to work on their time. However I do try not to show homes to late at night. They really can't see what the home looks like outside or the condition of roofs and exterior of the home. I don't want any surprises. So sometimes limitations on when you take calls works, but peoples lives are involved and it is very important to understand what they are going through.

I have this problem sometimes. When I go home sometimes it is difficult for me to clear my mind of work because I don't want to forget something or there's so much that I didn't get to during the day, or something strange happened that is difficult for me to forget about(see my blog post on the strange emails I was getting from a person I will never want as a client). When I am off though, say for a full weekend, I am off. I don't answer my phone, everything goes to VM or I have them call the office.

Hi Desiree -

Great post. Reminds me of my "unbounded days". Our chosen field is one that necessitates OCCASIONALLY working around our clients' work days. Several years ago, I stopped working Sundays and made it clear to my clients that my family takes precedence. EVERY ONE of my clients understood this, and I discovered they DO respect that we have families and lives outside of our work. Thank God!

TLW - Normal is .... As normal does... and who the hell knows whats normal :)

Ginny - I am going to start doing that also.... take it day by day I think if you change the voicemail ... Hello its Tuesday and make sure you keep it fresh... clients will be okay.. versus a generic I only return calls between X hours.

Christina - sounds like a good start.. thanks

John - ahhhh OKAY??!! :::scratchin' head::::

Terry - you are right .. this is a business and weneed to treat it as such... I mean come on ... what emergencies could there possibly be after hours in real estate?

Cyndee - step back and regroup... that's my goal.. thanks for the comments

Jo-Anne - Guiltless boundaries... now there's a good goal...thanks

George - Its all about having the courage to take that first leap of faith.. thanks for stopping by my friend!

SEP

2007

Hey Desiree I am up front from the beginning and tell anyone I have contact with I will NOT take calls before 9am, I'm busy doing the mom thing. I will not take calls if I'm having dinner with my family or putting my boys to bed at night. I don't mind taking calls late in the evening, as I'm a night owl and get a lot accomplished in the whee hours. The reason I went into RE was for the flexibility of being with my kids. If I come across a client that doesn't understand that my kids come first then I'm not the agent for them. I did encounter one such person and she was concerned that she couldn't call me at say 6pm and I'd drop whatever I was doing to show her a listing. I told her she was welcome to call me, if I was available I'd be happy to meet with her and if not we could set an appointment for the next day. She apparently didn't like my response as I never heard from her again, and that was perfectly ok!! Only a 24hr on-call plumber would drop what they were doing to tend to her needs, and she'd get a hefty bill in return!! As Realtors® we feel the need to do waaaaaay more then any other profession because we are afraid of losing that client or future referrals. It wasn't until I met that woman that I realized that my time is valuable to my family first then my clients! Anyone with unreasonable requests or demands isn't the client you want anyways! And those that respect my boundaries end up being friends or clients for life without working to make it happen.

Stephanie - it looks like a pre-planned calender is a way to start.. thanks for the advice

Mike - thanks for the kind words

David - okay we can suffer together on this one.. seems we are not alone

Hi Everyone...this is my first response. In 1986 I became licensed. Things have changed so much since then that I really feel I have so much more freedom now than back there. With the ability to work from home (how wonderful to have access to our multiple listing systems from the comfort of home and away), with cell phones, faxes, e-mails and all the other tools at our disposal I feel free. I can come and go, with clients very often not even knowing that I am out of town. Years ago you were afraid to move away from your land phone if you were expecting (or just wishing for) a call from someone. I don't mind the phone call at the odd hour or checking and responding to e-mails late at night or early in the morning when it affords me the ability to do it from home and away. Often we have an idea why someone is calling us...if we are pretty sure it can wait just don't take the call. Listen to the voicemail and if it happens to be an emergency you handle it then and there otherwise you determine when you will return the call. I let people know I'm going to a soccer game or a play or to visit my mom. If they frown on that I shouldn't be working with them. Hope this doesn't sound as though I am cavalier with my customers and clients but I bend over backwards to work within their schedules and to provide the very best service I can and so feel that it's OK to let them know I have a life too.

Well folks, I promise not to ramble so much every time I respond!

Bob & Carolin - Amen to that

Pattie - The pleasure was all mine... Hey did ya spend all your winnings yet??

Joe - I've worked around my clients schedule for along time... now I am going to make them work around mine... here's hoping it works

Rich- Ahhh sure... I'll send you all my leftovers... get out there and make that phone ring

Jim - I don't know an attorney who well answer the phone after hours... unless your a bail bondsmen

Dave - If we provide exceptional service between normal working hours, our clients will not have those "After-hours needs". Excellent Point

Brett - hope you found it helpful

Sarah - :)

Adam -I have no problem delegating... but alot I have to do myself and no one else on my team. Besides the fact that the majority of my clients, even when I have a team member contact them... still want "me" and only ME.

Eva - Thanks for the advice... I appreciate it

Ann - I loved that line too... and true.. if we are burned out than we are no good too anyone

Debbie -Email is great .. but sometimes things have to be expressed verbally.... Calls at 2am are not acceptable I don't care where they are calling from.

SEP

2007

I used to drop everything and bend over backwards for complete strangers but not anymore. Not many boundaries but the ones I have I feel are reasonable, which is all that's necessary! What I've established already...

1. There's no time limitation on how EARLY you can call me, but I typically won't answer my phone after 8:30 pm.

2. I don't answer the phone if it rings during dinner. I'll call you back immediately afterwards however (dinner lasts about 1/2 hour).

3. I don't miss dinner with my family (ANYMORE).

4. Holidays and birthdays are sacred.

5. My newest boundary: If you're unwilling to provide a contact phone number, we will be unable to work together.

Hi Desiree- I'm back! You have some great advice here above, it sounds like you have it figured out now it's implementing your plan. I do believe as Realtors we tend to take time away from our family and our clients feel we should also. It's a very demanding business and often times runs havoc on our personal time and schedules. Here are some added thoughts that I am trying to work in my daily schedule. Map out your day, I have heard it said to put a excel spread sheet in-front of you with your alloted hours for your projects. Start every morning with returning the emails from the night before. Work on other computer things, MLS etc. Some projects only need repeated twice a week, you can see it on your spread sheet. Get all the required things (gym, blogging, coffee, kids off to school, etc) that are 'must do' on that weekly calendar. Be sure to block out time for your family, personal time first. Then go fill in the blanks. It's important to have a cut off time everyday (boundries). Clients need to be taught that we have families also and I do believe once told they will respect that gladly. I have had agents call me at 5:00 am, so some agents don't get it!! Also, you might consider replacing your voice message to: "I am unable to take your call at this time, I will be checking my messages at 11:00am and again at 4:00 pm and will be returning all calls by 6:00pm, after 6:00pm all calls will be answered the following business day" . ....Family First-- You first and your hell will be heaven!! Great POST!!

Desiree - I was Buffinized very early in my real estate career so boundaries, at least with my clients, come easy for me. I find an opportunity early in the relationship (usually the 1st time we meet) to very casually mention that I turn my phone off after 6:30pm every night so if you need anything to please make sure to call before then. Everyone realizes that you have a personal life too and have been very respectful of it.

I only had one couple that had a problem with my boundary and were very embarresed to even bring it up. It was only because they worked 12 hour shifts with a 1.5 hr commute each way. They are both Sheriffs at the County Jail and did not have access to phones any time they wanted. Because of their situation I had them give me all the phone numbers they might call from and plugged them into my cell phone with instructions that if they needed anything to make sure to call from one of those numbers so I'd recognize them and I'd answer up until 10:00pm. They only called me one time after hours and were very apologetic about disturbing me. BTW, when they found out they were pregnant 8 months after they closed escrow, they called to tell me. When I asked what their parents said, they told me they hadn't called them yet.

Now, if anyone has any suggestions for reducing the time I spend on the computer, I'd be glad to listen. :-)

Amy- I am definitely getting better at ignoring the phone when it rings after hours... well at-least i don't answer it .. but i do run over and check the voice mail :)

Karen - I need to determine a "down" day a week.... kudos to you for being able to execute it...

I can't even begin to stress the importance of having boundaries as a Realtor. You did an awesome job of pointing some great things out.

I am printing this out and sharing with some of my agents that aren't on-line much. I fail to understand why they do some of the things that they do and allow certain people/situations to run all over them.

Great Stuff & Congrats on being a moderator. Can't wait to stir something up now and let you get flooded by e-mails and phone calls. Hope you have some boundaries in place! =] Just Kidding.

OCT

2007

I am a bit late to this party Desiree----boundaries are TOUGH!!! I have no problem saying no and I have gotten much better about setting boundaries (Rick on the other hand......).

OCT

2007

Sandy - Good for you... that's what I lack in the beginning... I get so caught up in the "service" mode that I forget to tell my clients I have a life outside of real estate... but that's changing.. thanks

Kathleen- Welcome... and I am honored to be your first comment. You can babble on my posts anytime you want.....

Ant -well I would hope that #5 was always a boundary.... geez have I taught you nothing "grasshopper"

I am just SO happy to see that an agent with a team still knows their clients well enough to have to set boundaries. You are a very special agent, Desiree. Set boundaries, yes. But don't ever lose that personal perspective.

OCT

2007

Candice - .Family First-- You first and your hell will be heaven!! Great advice Thank you!!

Rose - Now, if anyone has any suggestions for reducing the time I spend on the computer, I'd be glad to listen. :-)I am looking for the same tips on that subject too... thanks for the comment

Jessica - Oh I am ready for you Ms. 30 for 30.... remember I got your number along time before AR :)

Rick & Ines - Well then Rick and I can attend class together... but who's teaching?

Ardell - I learned very quickly to be good as a Team leader, I couldn't delegate everything... The clients are hiring me and the Team is a bonus.... Besides being a control freak and needing to be "on top" of everything... I guess I am my own worse enemy and greatest success!!

I can tell you who is NOT teaching it.....see? no problems saying no! : )

OCT

2007

Don't you just love those industry professionals out there who advertise that they are 24/7 Realtors. I would love to call them at 3:00am to ask them about a listing, and referencing their business card ad. Clients will respect your time and boundaries, if you respect them yourselves. I am a By Referral Only Lender, and as my wife reminds me, I never heard of an Emergency Mortgage. Hey, ER Mortgage! What a concept. We can take over the old hospitals and set up desks.....

Rick - you are so right. We as agents say ... Okay yeah I'll have a loan rep call you right back... when in actuality we should be telling someone will get in touch within 24 hours or so. Seems reasonable to me. We are the reason you get so much pressure put on you... sorry

OCT

2007

I see that you touched on a subject that ALL of us can relate to. YES...I NEED BOUNDARIES! I'm thinking about getting one of those underground electrical thingy fences. Of course, I'd have to figure out a way to get my clients to wear the collars. But...IF I COULD GET THEM TO WEAR IT...the way it would work...when they stepped over the line...ZAP! ;-) Elizabeth

OCT

2007

Elizabeth- I think an invisible fence is a great idea... I have one in my yard for my fathers dog when i dog sit... but now I am thinking that collar could be used in other ways!!!

We need to set those "boundaries" from the beginning. Easier said then done. If you find the solution feel to let me know..

Desiree,

I hear your thought's and congrats on taking the trip to Las Vegas....I wanted to.

I try to keep some boundaries....and I have no problem letting a Client know if I can not handle their request when they contact me.

I have lost a Client or two this year because I refused to drop what I had to do for them....I never looked back.

Continued success.

OCT

2007

Robert - Even after this post... I still don't have the answer... just the problem :(

Dan -I don't stop drop and run for clients any longer.. gave that up years ago... its other boundaries I have issues with... thanks for chiming in... have a great day!

OCT

2007

Hmmm, does OCD girl have boundaries?

Yes, I work from 5 AM to 5 PM, sometimes I let it go a little further, especially if my husband is home late from work and nobody cuts me off like a drunk at the bar.
I try very hard NOT to incorporate my kids into my business because they are very special to me and you know how I want to protect them like the mother hawk that I am.
I do not answer the phone when I am with clients or on the other line, it is just plain rude to do so. If someone cannot leave me a message and needs me NOW, how are the going to treat you the ENTIRE transaction?
I do worry about my client's personal situations and needs all the time but I think that is what keeps me on my toes and out of trouble (slacking)
I only have a few select people I call "friends" so I don't know that my clients are my "friends" but I am friendly and casual, yet professional with them. Friends are people who will go great lengths for EACH other :wink:

I cannot even begin to say how much of a pleasure it was to meet you! Lots of great conversation and thinking came out of that meeting. I appreciate the dinner and the book/audio that you gave me. Just like everything, I began reading it but haven't finished. GREAT READ SO FAR. Does that mean I have ADD now?

Thanks for the glowing Burrows review. You seriously knocked my socks off girl and it was a pleasure meeting your office mates. I think if I lived in the same town as you and Val, I could probably get into some serious trouble. I also must thank you for tickling me pink with my picture and I ADORE your new pic!

Take care my dear friend!

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