Tactics are important when dealing with clients.  It's always better to listen than to say too much!! Cute story...

You are so right.  Sometimes the less said the better.  Or, my favorite, change the subject.

Some people can't help but blurt out what comes to mind. Good advice.

Bob, Good advice.  I have to be totally honest with my clients but I sure hope I have learned much more diplomacy than I had years ago.  There are tactful ways to say things.  Great story, thank you.

Bob, great advice.  I agree with you and Lenn and Tracy had good tactics as well.  That is advice I need to take to heart.  Thanks.

It's all in how it is presented!  If he really felt that you needed to know, there had to be a more diplomatic way. 

Talk about idiosyncrasies and blurting out, I took a client out last week to look at a house he called in.  After our conversation of 45 minutes on the phone, I knew he had his "ways". He asked me to pick him up at his house so he could save gas - I typcially don't do this, but I figure if he is thinking of buying, he's probably going to "sell". 

Let's see, I drove way to slow (my husband says I drive to fast), I took the longer route back (ok, maybe I wasted an extra 5 minutes of his time - but I was the one late for floor time) and that he was going to teach me how to drive.  

As much as I need the business - I'm not following up with him.  And I'm pretty tolerant of people.  If he calls me, fine.  He drives, I drive...

Bob,

That's an excellent, well thought out and written post! I like your approach to negative feedback. Sometimes, there's just no need to give it. I believe that it's like a checking account. You have to make many more deposits than withdrawels, so you have to be very careful with your comments so you don't offend the person you're talking to. Thanks for the post. It's an excellent reminder for all of us to use in our daily interactions with each other.

I fail to see how pretending helps any situation. With your pool example, if the person had simply thought you were either "stupid or incompetent" (as you said), but didn't say it, the dynamics would have been a little different . . . you would not have been overtly insulted, but the facts remain the same. I personally want to know what people truly think and feel - otherwise, how can you have authentic relationships? If everyone simply "plays nice," the world becomes very dangerous in that you never know what is really going on.

Bob - This is wise advice to be careful of what or how you tell a client the truth.  I will be thinking of this while I prepare my listing presentation for a house that I already know has challenges in the location and condition departments!  I will make a point of being very gentle, and trying to find the good features to emphasize prior to addressing any of the negatives.

Very true. Some things are best left unsaid.

You are so right. I bet he won't be invited back again.

Well, lets see . . . in the course of reading the article, I think I liked you less 4 times and liked you more 5 times.  So for now I like you more.  You presented a good point to think about.  BTW, what does your wife think about this 'ongoing' question?!  :-)

Bob,

Nice post! Good subject! Criticism can be either positive and constructive or negative and destructive---it's not the criticism as much as it is the Critic!!! Thanks,   Fran

Great post - Can't wait to see your answer to Mark's question.

Mark:

I told my wife for the first time today about my mental likability game. In one word she was "disturbed." Today at lunch however, I caught her playing the same game more than once with the people we encountered. I think it must be contagious.   BTW I like you more now after reading your funny comment. Thank you.

Debbra:

If my biggest concern was being liked, I would thank you for your comment and move on. So, thank you for your comment ... and let's move on.

Just kidding. There are lots and lots of people in this world that feel the same way your do about having an authentic relationship. So let me ask, "What is more important to you ... to have an authentic relationship with your customer, to have a likable and friendly relationship with your customer or to have both?" My guess is that you want both and so do I.   Thanks for your comment

Bob, I kind of agree with you but I think is the way we say things.  I have to tell them if something needs changing or replaced or put away, but I make sure that they understand that is not my opinion but what have to be done for the house to be sold.  If the place is very dirty (pigsty comes to mind but I think it might be too strong a word) then I would want them to clean up before putting the house in the market.  However if I think that the tile in the kitchen is ugly then I don't say anything becuase there is no way to change that.  Being rude and being honest do not have to go hand in hand, just MHO.

Bob, I certainly don't like to tell people things they don't like to hear.  I agree that you want to make people feel good about themselves and their decisions, but in our business sometimes you have say things that people don't like.  I was boxed into a corner a week ago by a good friend who had wanted me to list her home two and a half years ago (when I was a new agent).  I did a CMA and she didn't like the price range, so she decided to list with another agent.  After that listing expired, she tried the FSBO route for another two years.  Then she came to me expecting that I would jump at the chance to list her home.  I declined the opportunity to list her house explaining that the market just didn't support the price she wanted.  She demanded to know why -- every detail of it, so we ended up in a two hour discussion.  Yes, we are still friends, but it was a difficult discussion and I've made sure to call her and try to get together with her since then.  Sometimes our job is to tell people what they don't want to hear.  I hate that part, but it's essential to do as professionals. 

Carmen

Thank you for your comment. Your point about the tile is exactly what I wanted to get across. If you don't need to say anything ... don't.

Gail

What a great story. Your friend confronted you and demanded that you tell her exactly what you thought ... and you did. She benefited from your conversation greatly, at your expense. I noticed that you didn't tell her what was wrong with her property until she asked ... This is very hard for most people to do. My guess is that even though she wanted you to tell her what needed to be changed, she some how is blaming you.  It's not right, it's actually a little weird but it's how people think.  Thanks for your comment.

I think at times you need to tell someone something.  And in those cases I try to think before blurting something out so I can be diplomatic.  But most of the time things alot of things dont need to be said.  The guy at your pool is a perfect example.  Also making a negative remark about your pool and comparing it to his "better" pool is just silly.

I think honesty and integrity come into the equation and if there is something terrible I must say to them I do make a point of trying to do it with out coming off as offensive.

Bob, Great reply, I laughed out loud!!

(With my head in my hands)  Oh Bob, Oh Bob, I figured your wife already knew.  'DISTURBED', yea, I"LL BET!  So, for now, she has joined in on the 'I Like You More - I Like You Less' game.  That is good.  (I am still laughing) However, I fear I have planted a very dangerous seed.  On the day that the game gets stuck on the 'I LIKE YOU LESS' part, come back and blog us on that.  Here is hoping it doesn' t happen.  Have a great day !!

"What God hath joined together . . . "

"Father forgive me for I have sinned . . . " 

I am one person who will have to disagree with you.  It is our JOB to give bad news to sellers...unfortunately.  Even before they hire us, they want to know what has to be done to get the property sold.  The question is, how do you present this bad news?  As a listing agent if we walk through the house going wow and ahh all the time, the seller starts adding to his price.  If we tear it down without some preliminary discussion, we are insulting his ability to maintain the property or his decorating skills.  So, keep your mouth shut if you do not talk first about the difference betwwen your HOME and the HOUSE we are trying to sell.  They really are two different things.  "In your home, you want things comfortable for you...this is your space and lots of things indicate you love the space and the home."  "But, when you want to sell a house, it becomes a space we have to put the buyer in" ...so, any criticism I may give is not a criticism of your home, it is a point that we can turn around to make it seem more like the buyer's house. "....Learn to sell houses for sellers and homes to buyers!  Ruth