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Heaven and Hell - real estate jokes

crusty old man walks into a real estate office and says to an female agent,
"I want to sell my god damn house."

To which the astonished female agent replies, "I beg your pardon,
sir; I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"

"Listen up, damn it. I said I want to sell my fucking house!"

"I'm very sorry sir, but we do not tolerate that kind of
language in this office."

So saying, the agent goes over to the officer broker to tell him about her situation. They both
return and the broker asks the old geezer, "What seems to
be the problem here?"

"There's no damn problem," the man says, "I want to sell my fucking million dollar home."

"I see," says the manager, "and this bitch is giving
you a hard time?"
=======================================================
A property manager dies and soon finds himself standing in front of St. Peter. St. Peter tells him "You have a choice of going to heaven or to hell and I suggest you check them both out before deciding." So he chooses to check out hell first.

He goes down to hell and finds himself in the middle of the biggest party he has ever seen. People are dancing and drinking and doing the limbo (and nobody's doing the Macarena!). Everyone is laughing and having a great time.

Next St. Peter takes him up to heaven to look around. Everything is white and pristine. People are speaking softly about philosophy and mathematical formulas. Others are simply contemplative and serene. He's bored in about five minutes.

St. Peter then says to the property manager, "I want you to sleep on it and meet me back here in the morning to let me know your decision." The next morning he comes back and says to St. Peter, "Heaven is very nice and all, but hell looks great, so I've decided that I want to go to hell". So St. Peter puts him on the escalator down to hell.

When he gets there he sees Satan whipping people and there's fire everywhere and everyone is screaming in pain. So he goes over to Satan and says "Hey, what gives here? Yesterday I came here to check the place out and everyone had me partying and it looked like a great time. What happened?"

Satan looks at him and says "You used to be a property manager so you ought to know the answer to your own question. Yesterday you were a prospect. Today you're just another resident!"

The Miami condos Search

Posted by Daniel Hornek on 10/04/2007 03:00 PM

Comments (3)

real estate jokes

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3 Comments on Heaven and Hell - real estate jokes

I've seen those and like them. I love the following one that has circulated the net.

A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral.

The title to the property dated back
to 1803, which took the lawyer three months to track down.

After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply:
"Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral proper back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin.

"Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows:

"Your letter regarding title in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note
that you wish to have title extended further than the 194 years covered by the present application.

I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly those working in the property area, would not know that Louisiana was purchased by the U.S. from France in 1803, the year of origin identified in our application.

For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to the land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from France, which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain.

The land came into possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the then reigning monarch, Isabella.

The good queen, being a pious woman and careful about titles, almost as much as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to fund Columbus' expedition.

Now the Pope, as I'm sure you know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God. And God, it is commonly accepted, created this world.

Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that He also made that part of the world called Louisiana. He, therefore, would be the owner of origin.

I hope to you find His original claim to be satisfactory.

Now, may we have the lousy loan?