Alan May wrote a post back in January that I was reminded of today. Theatre of the Mind! In it, he described how Realtors are expected to write eloquent and appealing descriptions of their listings. Well, from the looks of it, some people missed that one. I was going through our local MLS looking at new listings today (as I do every day) and found the following property descriptions. These descriptions were taken verbatim, and in their entirety. Here are 10 in no particular order, and an appropriate response from a would-be home buyer. The really sad thing is, I only had to go through about the first 80 to find these. Can I have a drum roll please?
1. HUD property, Sold AS-IS. HUD property Case #XXX-XXXXXX Nice 3/2 home on just under 1/2 acre of land. Enjoy its nice private lot. - Yes, I simply must go enjoy it's private lot. You got me.
2. Nice area - Really? I wouldn't know from your description.
3. "Short Sale" 3rd party approval required . 3 bed 2 bath in prime location. - Excuse me? Do any side dishes come with that?
4. Short Sale - Are you the same Listing Agent as #2?
5. Nice First Time Buyer, Investment or Retirement Home. Will make you a happy home with your personal touches. - OK, so this home is perfect for everyone on the face of the earth except a move-up, or vacation home buyer. Gotcha.
6. Short Sale. Large back yard. Perfect starter home. Roof approx 5 years old. Drainfield approx 5 years old. - Drainfield huh? And what flows in a drain field? Crap. That's right. Thanks for the reminder.
7. REO Property - "Offers responded to within 24 to 48 hours." SOLD "AS-IS." All offers must include PROOF OF FUNDS & Complete DU. This is a CASH ONLY DEAL. - Hey man, you don't have to yell at me.
8. Coming soon - I understand. You have to get your Madison Avenue advertising agency to write the description. That's fine. I'll just check back tomorrow. NOT!
9. Contract must be approved by estate's attorney. ONE garage door opener present. Wheelchair ramp at front door easily removeable. Move-in ready, fresh paint inside and out. LR/DR combo plus family room and large enclosed porch. Room for table n kitch - What the hell happened? Did you fall asleep?
10. NOT a short Sale! - Awesome! Where do I sign?
This is what happens to Realtors who don't blog. They get no practice writing, or exposure to those who can. I'm sure none of these were written by any Active Rain members. Right? Please tell me yes. Whew, thanks.