When something "bad" happens, such as a real estate transaction in-the-works-for-months-evaporates-into-ether, I gravitate for guidance to Pema Chodron's Comfortable With Uncertainty.
A series of stand-alone pieces, gently and humorously written, they offer strategies on how to see and think differently. If there's anything I‘ve learned about real estate and its continual changing landscape, you need to be able to adapt and look at things from a fresh perspective,
Tonight I told my first-time buyer that the sellers with whom she had an agreement, for whom she jumped through hoops getting her inspections done so they could be in a stronger position to buy a house, were terminating their agreement with her.
Relieved and disappointed at the same time, she was out inspection fees and a house that was a great fit. Relief was that she wouldn't be saddled with a house at the top of her price range even with a terrific mortgage rate
These sellers had to bring money to the table, wanted to stick the buyer with addressing all inspection issues. How do you justify buying a more expensive house than the one you are selling and not help out with termite treatment? This is where I have to "detach" and pray to let go of judgment.
Yet, those feelings are there and here's where "The Three Poisons" come in. All the messy emotions that flow through our business, a.k.a. life, come down to three things: passion, aggression, and ignorance. They could also be called craving, aversion and couldn't care less.
Passion or craving can take the form of wanting, wanting, wanting - wanting it my way, instead of looking for compromises or staying open to other possibilities.
The second spans negativity and irritation to hatred and rage - we've all been there or almost there with clients, other realtors, inspectors, other drivers on the road :) . Not to point the finger at realtors who've said, "I just don't think we can get this deal together," but also at myself, where I will say something out of frustration and irritation I know is inappropriate or unkind. Always best to make amends, quickly
In our business, weasel words and using documents to mask the real issues, are all too real. If we could all be calm and rational, it would be great to lock sellers, buyers and realtors in a room to iron everything out. It doesn't usually happen that way.
Chodron gives this example.
Craving is sitting at the edge of the Grand Canyon and thinking only of the chocolate cake you want. Or, sitting there thinking only about angry words you said to someone ten years ago. Then, there's sitting at the edge of this marvelous feat of nature with a paperbag over your head.
Each one of these poisons overpowers you to the point where you can't see what's in front of you.
To grow as a realtor and student of real estate, and acquire greater wisdom, I have to acknowledge some pretty uncomfortable feelings - other people's and mine.
The internal chatter includes: "Don't those sellers realize this is the best deal they will get?" "Doesn't the buyer realize that the price she's getting the house at more than makes up for what she'd spend in repairs?" "I can't believe how much time I've wasted on this." "What could I have done differently to make this work?" "Can't their realtor stop repeating herself?"
Rather than make these thoughts go away completey, which is what most of us want to do, it's important to acknowledge in some way, that these emotions exist, then move on to a place where a more rational decision or strategy can be made.
The "Realtor warrior," works with those feelings. if you lose touch with your neurosis you lose your wealth too. Cultivate self-compassion and courage and apply loving-kindness, otherwise pain is just warfare and we all lose. jroosevelt@kw.com
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