Today, my 22 year old daughter must get a restraining order against her stalker. He's 42 and "In love." She didn't think he was stalking; just being a pest. So we looked up "stalking, and what constitutes a stalker, and signs that you are being stalked." Yep, it fits.
So, the dictionary.com definition of stalking is:
Verb - to pursue or approach prey, quarry, etc., stealthily.
Noun - an act or course of stalking quarry, prey, or the like: We shot the mountain goat after a five-hour stalk.
I spoke to a Martial Artist, a Black Belt today. She shared that her ex-husband was abusive; her dad said that "Stalking is what animals do. When men act like animals, you have to treat them like animals." So she shared that she took him down, with her foot on his neck, and said: "You come back, I'll finish the job!" She wasn't bothered again. And she offered to give my daughter 3 hours of one on one self defense training for FREE! I'm so grateful for my friends.
So, the 10 Signs that you are being stalked came from Lifescript.com, healthy living for women. I'm not covering all 10, and you can go to the link below.
This includes lurking around the neighborhood. Just this past week, my daughter called me in a panic;" ____'s coming to the house." Here I am at home, windows open, back door open to enjoy the cool air and to air out the house after being closed up for the winter. So, even though SHE'S the one being stalked, I'm getting the consequences.
Stalking, for her, includes being watched, REPEATED PHONE CALLS and being in our neighborhood. Every time I call her phone and her inbox is full, I know that he has resumed his contact. He calls until the phone is full, then texts until her mailbox is full. Ah, and manipulation: "Your boyfriend is seeing someone else." "You got home late last night." "Hey did you know the road by your house is closed?" "I've stood by you, I've been you friend, now I need you there for me." These are terrorizing. This creates a FEAR of being watched, of being terrorized.
I spent Christmas Day with the Crime Scene Investigators and Policemen because 1 - the stalker was at the house, left a rose on my daughter's car. and 2 - someone broke into my garage and dripped blood from the entry into the house to the exit from the garage. The policemen said the two may or may not have been connected; any evidence was circumstantial, and nothing was taken, so they couldn't arrest him. My daughter's phone was ringing nonstop; she was ignoring it, finally the policeman answered it and told him to stop calling.
And then she resumes contact, because "he's a good guy." "He's my friend." I've explained that friends don't act like that. Friends don't stalk and friends don't say such horrible things to other friends. He's not healthy and the friendship is not healthy.
And when I look at "what constitutes a stalker, including the motivation, here's what I found on motivation, from Yahoo answers
The motivations for stalking are many. They include the desire for contact and control, obsession, jealousy, and anger and stem from the real or imagined relationship between the victim and the stalker. The stalker may feel intense attraction or extreme hatred. Many stalkers stop their activity when confronted by police intervention, but many do not. The more troublesome stalker may exhibit a personality disorder, such as obsessive-compulsive behavior, which leads him to devote an inordinate amount of time to writing notes and letters to the intended target, tracking the victim's movements, or traveling in an attempt to achieve an encounter.
I have shared with her all of this information. She's held off getting a restraining order; because he's her friend. ????? She now has a mentor, a coach, to help her take necessary steps forward in life. Her coach went with her to get the restraining order; and is going with her to court today. I'm in the background providing support. She couldn't listen to her mom in this; and she now has another person encouraging her forward. That's what coaches do!
Comments(8)