My children seem to provide never-ending fodder for my blog posts with the funny things that they say and do. Here are a few things I wanted to share:
A few days ago, when my mom was in town, we went to visit my mother-in-law, Jackie, as she is in a nursing home. While my wife and I were talking to Jackie, my mom took all three of my kids to play outside in the courtyard area, which is really quite nice. Later, it turned out that all of them were basically eaten alive my mosquitoes from the outside area, so we got some Aveeno cream to put on their bites (it worked pretty well - we also typically use Cortisone, which probably is even better).
A couple of days later, my six-year old daughter Aleah wanted help putting some of the cream on her arms and legs so that she could sleep better, so I asked her if she knew where the tube was. She said, "It's in the bathroom. Some of it got smeared all over the counter in there." Hmmm... I wonder who did that? I like the fact that she made it sound so passive, like that's just what happens when you leave a tube of that stuff lying around. It was very nonchalant. When I went to get the stuff, it was indeed smeared on the counter AND the mirror. Lovely. This is the type of thing that quickly sums up the essence of parenting. My wife once said (somewhat jokingly) that she counted it as a successful day of parenting if no one went to the emergency room.
The other day, my eight-year old son, Brandon, wanted to wear his martial arts uniform for much of the day, and use his (foam) nunchucks. He has a "junior black belt", but honestly I haven't really seen him wanting to wear the uniform and practice moves at home all that often. This particular day, he kept saying that he wanted to grow up to be a ninja (who doesn't, right?). At bedtime, as I was tucking him in, he said that he wanted to read a book. I told him to pick one out, but he wanted me to stay in the room and help him with it. He said it was "because even ninjas are a little timid sometimes." Indeed.
On Sunday, after church, we took the kids to Fuddrucker's to eat, and they provided a virtual smorgasbord of humor. I asked my son how his class went, and he said it was fine. Then I asked my daughter the same question, and she said (verbatim): "It was pretty good. I didn't get a sheet. It was terrible at times." It reminded me of the opening lines of Dickens' A Tale of Two Cities - It was the best of times. It was the worst of times.
When we were in the van and about to leave, my son abruptly and loudly stated, "I love you, Fuddrucker's! You are my favorite restaurant. I think you should come to our house soon, or...we could come to see you everyday." My wife and I both laughed, and after a pause, Brandon said, "Are you deaf, Fuddruckers? Why aren't you answering me? Oh, well, I don't mind. I will sign it out for you." And he did (kind of). Aleah got kind of irritated with him, and she said, "Brandon, you can't talk to Fuddrucker's. It can't hear you!" Then she showed him her hand sign for restaurant, which looked a lot like my hand sign for "OK".
Later, she said something else, and I thought she was talking to us, so I said, "What, Aleah?" She said, "I was talking to Brandon." A few seconds later, Brandon sounded like he wanted to fight: "Put em up! Put up your dukes!" I told him not to talk to his sister like that, and he said, "I was talking to FUDDRUCKER'S!" Apparently, he was angry at the restaurant's stoic response to his earlier glowing praise. Actually, he was only acting angry in order to make us laugh.
Two things struck me that day - my kids are highly imaginative and entertaining, and my son has picked up a lot of his sayings from old Bugs Bunny cartoons, etc. He honestly sounded quite a bit like Moe from the Three Stooges (Hey, you knuckleheads, quit clowning around!).
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Where is Art Linkletter when you need him?
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