I met my closest friends online. If one of my daughters had ever said that to me, it probably would have wigged me out. Last year was one of the hardest years of my existence. As it progressed and I realized that it was going to get a lot worse before it got better, I made an executive decision about my life. As much as it was in my power, I was going to get rid of the people that surrounded mewho were total downers. The people who, no matter what, were always negative. The people who, whenever you shared something, it wasn't nearly as bad as what had happened to them. The ones that never heard a word you said, that only saw the nasty and negative and angst in living.
Friendship is a two-way street. I will listen for hours, days, and months to your trials and heartaches. But when life is a series of trash-talking and being a victim, of telling me why I'm not good enough or why I can't do something, of how it's always going to be awful and it will never be better, I have much better things to do with my time. So I stopped returning their phone calls. I stopped accepting their lunch dates. I stopped meeting them for a glass of wine.
I started surrounding myself with the people that I liked. People that made me laugh. People who loved me and wanted what was best for me. People who were encouraging and passionate and concerned and real. People who were uplifting and rational and grounding and caring. And my orb from which to choose, of the people who had been in my life, became very narrow.
There were a few who were wonderful, and they became my core. By the grace of God, my husband was at the center of wonderful people in my life. And I started searching for others. Amazingly, the ones that I was reaching out to were some that I had never met before, but that I had known for a while ~ people that I had met and liked online. I set luncheon dates and dessert dates and wine dates and dinner dates and coffee dates to get to actually finally meet these people.
What I found was that if I liked them online, I loved them in real life (IRL). Female and male, the ones that ignited my work and my thoughts and my passions and my heart and my emotions were magnified IRL. There wasn't one with whom I had established an online relationship that I wasn't crazy about in person. Not one with whom I shared, and to whom I listened, that we didn't draw out the best in each other.
There are two friends who are now at the core. I have three or four that make up my very close circle. And I have a dozen or so that make me very happy and I consider to be close friends. As I was thinking about them, I realized they were online friends. And as I read Melinda's post the other day about Kindred Spirits, I realized that I have some new and exciting ActiveRain friends that I can't wait to meet IRL because they so engage my heart and my spirit and my enthusiasm. No matter what, this is a much better way to live, and I am truly blessed.
Falcon Property Company - Colorado Springs, CO
Voted Colorado Springs Best Realtor
My dearest Melinda (can you hear Ives Montand singing "Melinda"? Must confess I loved the movie ;) ). Glad that you have been showing property. It helps with all of the rest of it.
I am so heart-full (is that a word?). In my mid-40's I woke up one morning and realized that I got a choice. In my late 50's, I am really learning how to perfect it. I have sincerely gotten to a point where people that I am choosing in my life bring me such joy, no matter the circumstance. I am so excited that you are part of that, and delighted and excited that we are going to get to take this to the IRL phase.
I think often that the NET provides opportunities that wouldn't be provided otherwise. How would I ever get to know you and your spirit if we just met casually? But even online, the heart knows (if you're wise about it). So thank you. You are indeed a Kindred Spirit, and the thought of meeting you at such a huge milestone in your life is very exciting for me.
Jun 18, 2011 04:56 PM
Riverbend Realty, Cape Girardeau, MO - Cape Girardeau, MO
GRI, Cape Girardeau Real Estate
Mimi~ A few years ago, I decided to change my own self-talk. Several years of working as a traveling sales rep had beaten me down, so I resolved to take charge of my own attitude when I went into real estate. My first office mate, however, was a woman who was a non-stop complainer. After a few months of feeling that I was being verbally battered, I told my broker that I had to change offices and would move anywhere in the building. Happily, she found another spot for me.
The first office mate? She's no longer in real estate. Sales is just too tough for a Negative Nellie!
Jun 18, 2011 04:58 PM
Falcon Property Company - Colorado Springs, CO
Voted Colorado Springs Best Realtor
Self-talk, Liz ~ what an important component that is to life. And we are SO guilty (at least I have been) about believing the awful things we tell ourselves. With wonderful friends, the self-talk is overwritten. Thanks for sharing.
Jun 18, 2011 05:01 PM
John L Scott Market Center - Birkenfeld, OR
"Your Local Expert!" 503-739-3843
Mims--so much I want to say right now; actually Melinda was so poetic about it that I couldn't begin to come close to how perfectly she put it....that being said...the power in saying goodbye to those "drama divas" who come to you (constantly) to fill them up when they're depleted; those who suck the life right out of you like social vampires I have dealt with many times in my life, and when you (YOU!!!) are a giving person who truly loves people, it is sometimes not readily apparent. I have had to walk away, regretfully from some of those relationships, but out of self-preservation. I want to draw GOOD to me, not bad. And most of the time, because we put the good out like a lovely net, we DO draw good back in, but occasionally the wrong one is caught and we have to throw it back. Bless them, send them on their way.
I love you for your spark, your endless joie de vivre, I even love your picture EVERY TIME it comes up on my screen!
And we share many things, because we are sisters under the skin.
Jun 18, 2011 05:25 PM
Falcon Property Company - Colorado Springs, CO
Voted Colorado Springs Best Realtor
How is it possible for the heart to be so full, Gayle? I am overwhelmed. (and I LOVE that you call me Mims :) ) I also love that you and Melinda appear to be KS.
Social vampires . . . not an expression that I had previously heard, but one that is so descriptive. It is SO necessary for self-preservation to cut the ties that bind, and it's because you live on a lake that you think in terms of nets and throwing them back. ;)
I am amazed at the years that I allowed it to continue thinking that it was not changeable. I am beyond happy that I have found such amazing people to surround myself with.
I feel the same way about your picture, and I've seen pictures of your skin, so I would certainly say that any similarity would definitely have to be UNDER the skin. You are a joy and a treasure, and I'm having a glass of wine in honor of our friendship :)
Jun 18, 2011 05:57 PM
John L. Scott RE Maple Valley, WA - Maple Valley, WA
Kent/DesMoines/Blk Diamond/Renton/Maple Valley, WA
I love this post and wish I wrote it... I couldn't agree more. When we connect to special people that is just the way it is - grateful? oh yeah!
Jun 18, 2011 06:04 PM
Falcon Property Company - Colorado Springs, CO
Voted Colorado Springs Best Realtor
How cute, Roseanne! No matter what, when those people are in your life, nothing ever seems so bad. Thanks for your comment.
Jun 18, 2011 06:08 PM
RE/MAX Gateway - Falls Church, VA
Helping YOU Achieve YOUR Dreams
Mimi, Beautiful post about friendship and what our relationships with others mean to us. The people we do have in our lives do effect our lives and how we see the world. We make choices and we need to make good choices. You are blessed to be in such a wonderful place and wise in knowing what you needed for living life fully. Once again, beautiful.
Jun 18, 2011 06:24 PM
Falcon Property Company - Colorado Springs, CO
Voted Colorado Springs Best Realtor
Oh, Kathleen, thank you so much for your words. When I think of the people in my life, I feel like my heart is overflowing. No matter how hard the trials, I know that I will be loved and laughed thru it. And I am also making it a point to reach out to these friends, and to spend time with them and nurture the relationships. Have a wonderful Sunday . . .
Jun 18, 2011 06:28 PM
Complete Home Inspections, Inc. - Brentwood, TN
Home Inspectons - Nashville, TN area - 615.661.029
Good morning, Mimi. It is ironic how folks with kindred spirits seem to gravitate to one another, even here in the rain. Oddly enough, as I scroll through your comments, I see many familiar faces...
Jun 18, 2011 11:59 PM
Integrity Real Estate Group - Woodbridge, VA
Pentagon, Fort Belvoir & Quantico Real Estate News
Mimi-one of the reasons I stopped going in to my old real estate office was the negative attitudes and atmosphere made me wonder about my career choice. Then as many have said it didn't take long to realize there were also "friendships" that needed changing as well. Your post reflects what many of us go through especially as we mature and realize what is important in our lives and what is just filler.
Jun 19, 2011 12:20 AM
Falcon Property Company - Colorado Springs, CO
Voted Colorado Springs Best Realtor
Michael ~ I find that often. This is my fourth month in the rain and there is no doubt that there are 'favorites.' The other day I decided to branch out and find some that I didn't know. Like a rubber band, the ones you love pull you back in. I hope your week has been wonderful and relaxing and that your trip home is uneventful.
Cindy ~ I quit the large brokerage firm I worked for because it was like running an obstacle course every time I went in to work. I realized I was paying an awful lot of money to have to keep my door closed because there was so much strife that I couldn't talk on the phone without having to apologize for the exterior noise. We keep a lot of toxicity in our lives because of habit. I'm working hard to change that. Thanks for your comment.
Jun 19, 2011 12:56 AM
Sharon Lee's Virtual Assistance - Jonesborough, TN
Retired and loving life
Mimi-I love this post. I too had to do what you did. Put the negative and false friends behind me. My life is so much richer because of the friends I have met here. I look forward to getting to know you better. You have such a beautiful smile. I thought I had subcribed to your blog before now but realized I hadn't so I did today so I won't miss your posts when I am on AR. Have a blessed day.
Jun 19, 2011 04:01 AM
Falcon Property Company - Colorado Springs, CO
Voted Colorado Springs Best Realtor
Thank you so much, Sharon. I really appreciate it. I love AR, and it is sometimes overwhelming to me how amazing and intense the friendships can be that started online. I guess you really get insight that you wouldn't have the time to garner otherwise. Have a wonderful day.
Jun 19, 2011 04:11 AM
Bristar Realty (Realtor/Attorney) - Orange, CA
For Solutions: (714) 501-7660
Yo Mimi Yo Mimi Yo! <~~~~~~~(this is me eloquently registering two thumbs up!) Brian
Jun 19, 2011 01:45 PM
RE/MAX Associates - San Antonio, TX
Your San Antonio TX Real Estate Agent!!
Mimi-it's wonderful that you were able to find such wonderful friendships online. It can be a tough world out there and we need folks that are going to energize us and we them. I totally get getting rid of the negativity in your life and am very happy for you. What a beautiful post!
Jun 19, 2011 02:28 PM
Imagine WOW! Digital Marketing Agency - Burbank, CA
Social Media Marketing, Coaching & Training
I absolutely love this post and the simplicity in it's thought - WE have the power to control who and how people interact with us. No one else can make those decisions for us. Unfortunately though, it's easy to become the shoulder to cry on or the friend everyone always runs to when you're a giving person like yourself. But (and listen to me now) if it isn't a two way street, those energy vampires or as Gayle calls them "drama divas" (LOVE that btw!) can't face the reality of their lives, we must walk away. You can't fix them and I'm so proud of you for realizing that. There are healthy (ok somewhat), happy (most days), energetic (minus the tricks weather play on us) women that love you and want YOU to be happy. So get out there and enjoy the beautiful life you've been given!! :)
Jun 20, 2011 04:29 AM
Falcon Property Company - Colorado Springs, CO
Voted Colorado Springs Best Realtor
Brian ~ it is so weird because I replied to you last night and nothing is here. Hmm. The gist of it was ~ if this is eloquent, can I hear some hip hop?
It has been wonderful, Brenda. I have a wonderful group of friends who bring me joy. Thank you so much.
Oh, my sweet Rebekah. I have spent my life trying to fix 'them,' the social vampires that find someone who will listen. Is that why God gave me five girls, to have an outlet for wanting to make people's lives happy? I loved your sweet words, my favorite (female) human ;), and I'm so glad you are in my life. (PS ~ does that mean you're not enjoying this rain? ;) LOL)
Jun 20, 2011 05:37 AM
Innovative Artistry - Kendall, FL
ASP/IAHSP- Stager Miami, FL, Creative Minds Innovatively At Work
This is BEAUTIFUL!!! Of course though, it is always beautiful when you share. I said to myself, (yes, answering myself again) "why didn't I see this, then I looked & it was prior to my being here" What a wonderful post & thanks for linking it back to us on your post today!! Big Hugs & I agree it is two thumbs up....or the "off the charts button" that I am now requesting along with my Big Hugs Button!! You just so warm our hearts Mimi, what a gift you are to us.
Sep 29, 2011 05:20 AM
License # 01767321 - La Verne, CA
Realtor, SRES, SoCAL, A REALTOR YOU CAN TRUST
Good for you Mimi! Sound like you have made some amazing changes in your life... even your husband is amazing! (2nd or 3rd time is the absolute charm!) So kudos to you for being strong enough to choose your peeps!
Sep 29, 2011 10:57 AM
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Mimi Foster
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Mimi Foster has been voted one of Colorado Springs' Best Realtors five years in a row. She sells homes throughout the Pikes Peak Region with a passion for Victorian homes in Downtown Colorado Springs. Fifth generation Realtor, mother of five daughters, five grands, and cherished wife, Mimi has over two decades of professional experience helping clients buy and sell their personal residence, military relocation, investment properties, and rehabbing fix and flips in the Colorado Springs area.
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