In Lieu of a Happy Birthday Roast.

Thirty-Five years ago today, I was born.  To my knowledge, I had no choice in the matter.

I was going to make fun of me on such a post, like I love making fun of other people just because I'm relatively good at it and they are easy stabs and relative morons (including me) ... but I kind of had a change of direction.

Each New Year that I survived the last, I try and take a look at what is, what was, and what might have been.   Five years ago to this day, the Sardi Family had a reunion at my Aunt Trudi's.   I was dating my right hand at the time and not thinking about too much and all of a sudden a surprise birthday party broke out along the way.  It was a pretty sweet gesture and one of the more memorable birthdays I'll ever have.

There was a moment that night that stood out above all others.  Even more than my cousin Eddie (yes, I really have a cousin Eddie:) chugging beer after beer because he plain sucks at beer pong.  My Mother & I were in front of a bonfire.   We weren't drunk or anything like that, we were just talking ... outside the confines of regular life.  I recall at one point tilting my head and peering into her eyes, the fire reflecting off of her skin and soul (that's how I saw it, anyway).  I knew right then, no matter what, that if I had a choice in the matter ... Elaine Sardi would have been my Mother.  I got very lucky on whoever made that decision.

I can't sit here and type that it has been easy for my Mother to be surrounded by and raise three boys.  Heck, a couple years after the Sardi Reunion was a trip to Clarion to have an Etzel Reunion (her side of the family).  The three boys always used to jab that the Etzel Family could be a bit bland, however nothing could be further from the truth on that particular weekend.  At 32, I had blast.  The Etzels Rock!  And it shouldn't come as a surprise to me as my Mother has one of the best senses of humor on the planet.  Afterall, she has voluntarily saw my Father naked at least twice in my estimation (I have a brother and we didn't have a milkman).

Now, she probably relies on the three of us to take the fall for such sick, twisted, oft-times witty, ways to make one laugh nowadays ... just so she can remain in the quiet graces of innocence surrounded by immaturity.  Truth be written, if it wasn't for Elaine Sardi:

• I wouldn't have ever known about Bruno Sammartino, started making fun of him, and still finding myself a Professional Wrestling Fan to this day.
• I wouldn't have ever watched Mystery Science Theater, MTV's most demented videos, the Thornbirds, nor took part in reciting various scenes of The Movie, "Airplane."
• I may have never got out of the attic I lived in because of my own accord and my own life choices.  Truth is, at one point I wanted to die.  To me, I was a disappointment - a screw-up ready to self-destruct.  And the only thing that saved me was knowing that she was too damn good to have a son like that.  I couldn't die on her watch.  I'd never on her watch.  It was easier and more realistic to know that I could live with her heart ... and so I've done.

Besides any resemblance of intellect, wittiness, or pure love ... I'm here because someone taught me something about the heart.  When my inevitable comes, I can only hope that world was a bit better because Elaine Sardi gave birth for that very first time.  And I think she would agree ... even if I'm passing gas on the way out.

Love ya, Mom ...