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War Memorial

Today I took my family to the Capitol Grounds in Charleston. I went because it’s one of my favorite places and I hadn’t been there in so long. But I saw something that I just didn’t expect to see.

I’d never been in the War Memorial. It’s a beautiful tribute – four curved walls make a circle that surrounds you with the names of West Virginians who died to keep us safe. There are SO MANY NAMES. My daughters couldn’t believe there were so many.

I ran my hands along them, feeling their names under my fingers. I remembered that I’d heard somewhere West Virginia usually has more soldiers per catipa that most states. Some would say it’s because we’re poor and the military offers a way out. I think that we also feel a strong obligation to help wherever we can. We take care of each other when we’re needed. I can imagine that during times of war, West Virginians would feel a strong pull to protect our country.

All those names of soldiers who gave their lives to keep us safe … it seemed unreal.

And then I took a step back, and I noticed a plaque I’d walked right past on my way in the memorial. I froze. There was Ted.

I’ve lost a few friends in my lifetime, but Ted was first. We were 22 years old and he died in Desert Storm. So few soldiers were lost, but is there an amount that is an “acceptable loss”? No, not to me.

Ted was my best friend’s cousin, and he lived with her for our senior year. He helped me through a tough time once, he was a good friend to me and was wonderful to Tina. The three of us laughed together a lot. I thought he would always be around, that I’d know him my entire life. Tina and I are still best friends all these years later, but Ted is gone. When she called to tell me the news, she didn’t ask if I was sitting down. She was just crying, and when she told me why my knees buckled, I hit the floor.

Seeing his name there on that plaque brought it all back. Ted’s smile, Tina’s tears … “friendly fire”. (I do so hate that phrase.)

Each one of those names was someone who was loved just like Ted. Each name led to countless people who were devastated when they had to go on without them. Those walls became all too real to me. I had to walk away until I could compose myself.

Victor T. Lake, Jr. That’s my friend Ted, right there on that wall.

Comments(26)

Jon Mitchell
Classic Property Management - Santa Clarita, CA
Sarah, thanks for sharing.  God bless America and those who defend and serve her.  Anyone who would bad mouth our troops can go to h*ll!
Oct 20, 2007 01:11 PM
Tracey Thomas
BrokerInTrust Real Estate - Calabasas, CA
CA Real Estate Broker
Wow Sarah, your posts get me every time.  This was really a wonderful tribute to the men and women who have kept our country free.  Thanks for the view of the memorial through your eyes.
Oct 20, 2007 01:31 PM
Anonymous
Anonymous

I never met Ted, but I remember you showing me his picture.  He was absolutely movie-star gorgeous as I remember.  As soon as you mentioned his name, the phrase "friendly fire" popped into my mind.  I wish he could know that all these years later, people who never met him still think of him.  Now, that's a legacy.

 Love,  Mom

Oct 20, 2007 03:41 PM
#9
Roberta LaRocca
Simply Vegas Real Estate - Las Vegas, NV
REALTOR®, Broker, Salesperson, NV. Lic BS.507
Sarah, This was a wonderful post!  Thank you for sharing the memorial and your personal story.
Oct 20, 2007 06:22 PM
Chris Griffith
Downing-Frye Realty, Bonita Springs, FL - Bonita Springs, FL
Bonita Springs Listing Specialist - Agent

Sarah, I just read your moms comment and would add that I wrote a letter to a widow a few month ago and shared that we all still love her husband and think of him and wanted he to know that he may be gone and not forgotten.  I just got a call from her and she thanked me for sending it because she thinks about him every day and didn't know anyone else did.

Oct 21, 2007 12:13 AM
Sandra Cummings
William Raveis Real Estate - Guilford, CT
Real Estate Agent, Guilford Connecticut
Sarah - thank you for this post.....lovely
Oct 21, 2007 01:02 AM
Lysa Napolitano
Daytona Beach, FL
Very Touching Sarah ...
Oct 21, 2007 03:07 AM
Sarah Cooper
Real Estate Shows - Hurricane, WV

Lisa - That would have torn me up so bad!!  And yet it's one of the most touching things ever. 

Dez - I'm keeping the tissues close by these days.  Here, have some.

Jon - I'll just say Amen.  :o)

Tracey - That hit me so hard, and I don't know why I wasn't expecting it.  I didn't expect to see his name there ... and I can't really say I'm glad it's there, because it would be better to have Ted ... but if we can't have him, I'm glad he's remembered in a place where people from all over the state will come and be moved.

Mom - We was nice looking, and kind of silly.  :o)  Tina and I could not talk him out of digital watches, he had such a thing for gadgets.  And I think you did meet him once, but I'll tell you about it later.  It was that "hard time" I was talking about.  

Roberta - What got me is that for each name, there would be hundreds of stories from people who had to go on without them.  I don't know why it never quite hit me like that before, but it really got to me.

Chris - I'm glad you said that.  I wrote to Tina's Dad.  I'll have to call Tina and talk to her.  Girl never checks her email -- she's almost the anti-me.  ;o)  (And what a nice thing to do, Chris.  That was wonderful.)

Sandra -  You're welcome.

Lysa - It hit me HARD.  And I hate to think of all the names we're racking up now ...

Oct 21, 2007 05:08 AM
Candy Henthorne
Results Realty - Spring, TX
Spring Texas Real Estate
Sarah - I am glad you went and seen your friend Ted's name on there.  I am sure it was difficult, but I am sure you are glad you went and shared this moment with your family.  My brother was in Vietnam, came home and was killed soon after.  Was so odd as we worried so much about him at the time, then to come home and have this happen... shocking.
Oct 21, 2007 06:57 AM
Debbie Malone
Londeree's Real Estate & Property Management - Lynchburg, VA
From Lynchburg To The Lake (434) 546-0369
Powerful post Sarah. This is a beautiful tribute to all of our service men and women. Thanks for sharing your trip.
Oct 21, 2007 01:27 PM
Rita Taylor
None - Sanford, NC
Sanford NC Real Estate - Homes for Sale in Sanford North Carolina

Sarah,

This is a beautiful memorial.  This post is so powerful - your connection with Ted really enforces what these memorials are all about.  It is sometimes easy to look at all the names and not know what they mean. 

Oct 21, 2007 03:53 PM
Thesa Chambers
West + Main - Bend, OR
Principal Broker - Licensed in Oregon
Sarah - this gave me chills - what a beautiful tribute - thanks for sharing
Oct 21, 2007 03:56 PM
Sarah Cooper
Real Estate Shows - Hurricane, WV

Candy - That must have been almost too much to bear.  I can't imagine, thinking he was finally safe and then losing him.  I'm sorry.

Debbie - You're very welcome.

Rita- I was doing it myself.  Awed by the sheer number of names (West Virginia is not all that big) but not realizing how much that meant.  I know I still don't entirely get it, but seeing Ted's name really got to me.

Thesa - I'm glad you liked it.  Thanks, Thesa. 

Oct 21, 2007 11:42 PM
Anonymous
Vincent T Lake

I want to say thanks for remembering Ted he was a good brother growing up tough at times I didn't appreciate it I don't think we ever really appreciate our brother and sisters when we are young.  I feel bad sometimes when I think of all the times growing up I fought with him but hey what are little brothers for.  I am thankful that I took leave in October of 90' before we both deployed to the Desert we had a chance as adult to become friends and just hang out so for those 30 days of leave that I took I am grateful though he failed to keep my arrival home a secret from mom.  Several times I've wonder if by flying home MAC and landing in Dover it was some sort of omen becuase it seemed I was the only one who knew the somber duty the base had.  Maybe God was just making sure that later I would take comfort in knowing how he would be received here the States.  I wish everyday he was here to see his nieces grow up he has five now 3 from Trudy he knew about and my 2 Tessa and Taylor (What can I say we like T's).  He would have been a great Uncle for them to have around.  I sometimes feel he still keeeping me safe a few times on patrols in Bosnia and Kosovo before I left the service I felt like something was about to go wrong or I was in a bad spot and left right before things happened so maybe he is.  Well thanks for the kind words about Ted.

Dec 04, 2007 02:57 AM
#20
Jeff Turner
RealSatisfied - Santa Clarita, CA
Sarah... I've been to this memorial several times and it's moving even when you don't know the names. I can't even imagine.
Dec 04, 2007 04:07 AM
Sarah Cooper
Real Estate Shows - Hurricane, WV

Jeff - It is an impressive memorial, and I especially like the way it "holds you" while you read the names.  I liked being within the circle it makes.

Timmy - I just got off the phone with your cousin Tina and she says you should call her sometime.  Email me (there's a link up there under my picture) and I'll give you her number if you don't have it.  :o)

OK, business out of the way.  I adored your brother.  He was a great guy and I really did think I would be friends with him forever, like Tina.  I left an abusive husband and Ted and Tina were there for me.  (Very short marriage.)  They came over when I got home and I spilled it all to them.  We sat on the floor and talked for hours, and Ted helped me SO MUCH.  I still remember the way he looked at me when I told the story.  He made me feel beautiful and worthy, and I needed that so much just then.  I couldn't believe it about myself, but the look on Ted's face let me know that he could believe it, and it helped me to start healing, right there.  It was the first thing that let me know I'd be OK, and when I picture Ted now he has that look on his face.

This part ...  I lost a baby not long before Ted died.  I was missing him and missing the baby, and I asked/prayed if he would take care of the baby for me in heaven.  It brought me comfort to think that he could kind of be a Dad that way and that she would have someone I loved taking care of her.  Maybe things don't work that way at all, but it helped me feel better about losing both of them.  Maybe they had each other at least.

I can totally believe that Ted watched out for you in Bosnia and Kosovo.  And I believe that he DOES know his nieces.  I bet you he watches out for them, too.  Thanks for writing, Tim.  My Little One is friends with Tina's, and it's like we're a chain that keeps going.  I'm glad to hear from you, it's like there is part of Ted still here as long as we can remember him together.  Thank you.

Dec 04, 2007 05:18 AM
Nancy Pav
Century 21 Redwood Realty - Ashburn, VA
Nancy Pav, Your "GottaHave" Realtor

Sarah,

Just came from your another post of yours to this one.  What a wonderful tribute to your friend Ted. 

You've made this crusty old broad cry too.

Jan 15, 2008 11:18 AM
Bob Cumiskey
A1 Connection Realty, Inc. - Sun City Center, FL
US Army Retired, Your Sun City Center, Florida ~ Realtor

Sarah,

I went to this post from your recent post about blogging off topic.  This really touched my heart.  Being a Vietnam Vet, it really struck home.  I too remember the power and awe I felt the day I visited the memorial in Washington, DC.  My kids had never seen me cry before, but they did that day. 

Thank you for such a wonderful tribute to your friend.  God Bless you.

Bob

Mar 10, 2008 11:35 AM
Sarah Cooper
Real Estate Shows - Hurricane, WV

Nancy, thank you.  :)

Bob, Thank you so much for your service.  I bawled like a baby when I saw Ted's name.  I had to walk away from my kids and my husband for a minute, but then I realized the kids really SHOULD see Mom missing one of those names on that wall.  Every single name there was a real person who was loved by so many people.  I know you understand this so much more than I do.  Thank you.

Mar 10, 2008 11:43 AM
Anonymous
Tim

If you haven't seen it watch "Taking Chance" on HBO it is very moving.  It made me remeber that on my way home I met an Airman at KKMC who said that Ted's remains were handle with dignity, honor and respect+.  I never said thanks so top all those who have ever had the duty to handle the fallen thanks and GoD Bless.  To all the people I met on the way home thanks fotr the kind words andfor those who attended and sent thing and espcially to my mom and dad for giving me such a great brother to lovew, respect, to fight over stupid things with and cut the fool with Thanks.  Out into the void I send my love to you Ted. Sorry I couldn't be there to stop the blast but Dammit your were supposed to be safe.  I miss you bro.  Nanacy Thanks for lettnig me rant.

Feb 27, 2009 02:14 PM
#26