Forgiveness

As practicing Christians, forgiveness should be an easy concept to grasp. Since our earliest years of being exposed to our faith, we were taught that God forgives the contrite. Because of our humanity, we all know we are going to make mistakes throughout our lives, and through Christ…we can receive forgiveness for our transgressions.

For the faithful, after a while it becomes fairly ingrained in us… this whole relationship of God forgiving us.

What is not so easy to grasp is the concept of us forgiving one another. Oh sure, it’s taught right along at the same time as God forgiving us…but this idea of us forgiving someone who has done us harm…well, that’s a little harder to do!

I’d like to think that I hold myself to a fairly high standard of conduct.  In return, I expect the same in return. My motto is, if I respect you and your property-I expect you to do the same towards me and my property. 

I have had two occasions where I had a difficult time forgiving someone. Like all of you, I have gone through periods where I thought I was wronged by another individual, and my anger lasted a few hours to a few days. I am not talking about these everyday slights. I am talking about being shaken to your core about another’s actions.

In both instances, what happened was significant…at least I thought it was significant at the time.

The older I get, the more that I understand that “Life is God’s Teachable Moment with Us.”  Maybe the biggest lesson we learn is that we seem to grow more during the dark times in our life, rather than when times are good.

When everything is fine, we fail to realize that God is responsible for our blessings…we become so caught up in the moment…we forget to be thankful. Oh how that changes when misery pays a visit to our doorstep! The pain is so intense we promise to do anything to make it go away. When bargaining with God fails, we begin to reflect on how we got into the situation we are currently in…and what do we need to do to insure that it NEVER happens again. And that, my friends, is when the learning process begins!

There are three types of pain…the first being those things we do to ourselves…like becoming involved in drugs. The second are those random things that just happen to everyone…like coming down with cancer. The third being where someone deliberately does something to hurt us.  This is the one that is so difficult to comprehend.  It seems almost unforgivable.

With the first type of pain, we certainly don’t want to blame ourselves for being in the predicament we are in. In the second example, there is no one to blame…but the third example…we normally have a name and a face to attach to the hurt we are feeling.

What hopefully happens in most cases where someone does something harmful or hurtful to us? The offender realizes their mistake; and they go about fixing what they broke…and at some time, you forgive them.

But, what happens when the other person isn’t sorry? Worse yet, they are happy they caused you pain and discomfort. Where do you go from there?

The first thing you need to do is grieve. It is OK to feel hurt, and angry. It is OK to want justice. For a while, it may even be OK to HATE.

The second thing you need to do is gain perspective. Read the newspaper. Watch, or listen to the news. Come to the realization that you are not the only victim. Understand that all over the world, others have been harmed worse that you. Find joy in the fact that, by you being able to think about these things, means one very important fact…you are still ALIVE! Other victims, unlike you, are DEAD!

The third thing you need to focus on is…where do you go from here? Is this act, by another individual, going to be the defining moment of your life? Will you constantly wallow in self-pity? Will everything you do after this event, cloud every nice thing to come your way in the future? 

Everyone’s life always comes to this pivotal point…will you get back up, after you get knocked down?

One of God’s greatest gifts is forgiveness.

Forgiveness allows us to go on…to move forward. To make the past just that…the past.

Forgiving someone does not release someone of the responsibility they owe to fix what they broke. It just means you are turning your hurt, your anger; your need for revenge over to God. Forgiveness allows you to say, “This situation may not be fixable on Earth, so I am going to let God determine what needs to be done from this point forward.”

Since forgiveness is a gift from God, it is unlike a man-made gift. For you see, the person giving forgiveness ends up receiving more than the person forgiven.

The offender may never even know that you have forgiven them. Worse yet, they may not even care. But it doesn’t matter. Forgiveness is like getting a cardboard box, placing all your hurt and pain in the box, taping it all up, putting a label on it, driving it to the post office, and mailing it to God. All the ugliness of past events are out of you, they are out of your house, and they are being sent to someone who can make all things right.

Once you mail that package to God, the weight of dragging it around is gone. You are free to begin again…and this is one of the greatest “teachable moments” you can have with God!