Biking, Lace Undies, Jaye Fabulous and Sex Writing Strumpets... Yeah, I'm having a great day.

 Biking, Lace Undies, Jaye Fabulous and Sex Writing Strumpets... Yeah, I'm having a great day.

Hubby joined a new gym. It is $10 dollars a month. I'm thinking that sounds like it is going to be a lot of fun because it's close to the FL house and I've been resisting his efforts at buying me a bike. Biking back and forth to the gym with Mike while the wee people are in school is now something swirling about the back of my brain. I'm thinking dollar movies, cheap pizza, ridiculously affordable gyms coupled with dodging Florida wildlife while engaged in gas-less transportation may help make my transition to geriatric suburbia from New York City not so bad (and a wee bit interesting if I play my blog-cards right). Now if someone could please find me a decent recording studio I can stop whining about where the hell I'm gonna make all this music (sigh). Maybe I'll steal the guest bedroom and become a garage band. My kids will enjoy that (but the neighbors wont). ;-)

I already started planning my next set of FL sleepovers when I get back there. I'm hosting a few blogging buddies at the house, currently got a gal pal hanging out at my NYC apartment and will be the guest of others while wandering about TX on business for a week in November. I started talking about this author function I'm attending in TX and the next thing I know the girls are tossing my wardrobe all over the bedroom looking for something "decent" for me to wear.

I'm like, jeez it's only September. They're like, jeez we know you. You're going to wear black because that's what you do even during the summer time...

Somehow we became fascinated with my undie draw. Today I discovered undies say a lot about you. My lack of f-k-me pumps and the requisite femme fatal paraphernalia to accompany that bit of wardrobe seduction was shocking to them. I only have five pairs of shoes and you only need half a draw to hold all of my undies.

The looks of womanly horror were enough to make your virtual eyeballs bleed. Woe is me. I am undone. Half a draw is sacrilege and the lack of copious lace makes me a sex heathen. I have violated the sacred girlie-girlie-laws and must be punished with endless makeovers and a review of my manuscripts for character fashion faux pas because I can not be trusted with their virtual wardrobes (sigh). Now I must pad the book with descriptive undies which means I need a bathroom, bedroom and a couple of sex scenes to put them on and rip 'em off (LOL). 

Turns out my girlfriends are closet fashion-strumpets who have incarcerated me and will hold my blog hostage until I confess my non-shopaholic-girlie-sins. I have been told I must reinvent myself for the authorly trek inland because, I quote: "this is TX and they do everything bigger in TX." Spending a week with Melodious means I have to "represent" because I am "a native New Yorker" and "will not be attending such an auspicious occasion dressed as an uncoordinated gym rat." I'm thinking: I am a FAN not a SPONSOR a social media FRIEND not a business associate. I'm going so I can have a squeeeeee moment with a couple of V-Peeps and take pictures of some hawt authors. I get "the look" when I say this. Dontcha wanna be in the pictures? Um... not in my undies  (LOL). Turns out my response is symptomatic of my problem...

Um... I have a problem? My not knowing I have a problem means I need shopping therapy or a literati keeper. Thus, today is the first day of my 12-step program as a glam-in-training pre-author (LOL).

My gal pals are convinced I'm either turning back into a tomboy or practicing to be elderly (hence the "not quite granny pannies spandex black bike shorts lack of lace crisis" I am now in - LOL). I like my Nike swoosh but they are not letting me get away with this trend towards the comfortable. I must have copious lace for this trip because they expect my undies to be seen during gym, unpacking and laundry (LOL). I am supposed to have a romance-mystery-thriller persona when on the road because I "have to start practicing before the book publication."

Hmm... Talk about attention to detail... Strange is, when you stay at your own house you could care less about matching your undies but when you have to do laundry somewhere else (or someone does it for you) you suddenly find yourself thinking about what may be seen in that wash... or in passing in the gym... or if/when they go fetch your Android and/or laptop from your saddle bag and start hunting through it. Great. Now I'm stuck with laundry issues (LOL).

In my case, there is a flip side to this sleepover issue that also sometimes includes what may be missing (like going commando in scrubs and having your gal pal Emmy notice NO undies, then question/comment about it incessantly while she washes your scrubs and you wear her clothes - silly grin). Yep, it sometimes leads to very interesting girlie day conversations that periodically make it into my blog posts (like this one - wicked little grin). Couple that with having free time on your hands to read my tweet-peep Stacia Kane's "Be A Sex Writing Strumpet" and you may find your quiet girlie-girlie day tilting hilariously on its side while trying to keep a straight face and write something useful in Starbucks.

Fact is, it's hard to keep a straight face when your friends start trying to help you "dress for a part" and edit/re-write your book (LOL). I keep telling them to go write their own short stories/novellas/novels and leave my book alone but it is kind of fun when they point out what they think it lacks because it just gives me something new to laugh about or go learn. I'm thinking they may have a valid point about the add more sex thing (sigh) so I decided to go learn something new. I spend most of my time obsessing about the mystery-triller-investigative issues so now I'm going to concentrate on sex scenes (silly grin).

Stacia Kane on Amazon

Stacia Kane on Twitter

StaciaKane.com

Want really great advice on writing sex scenes? Go read Stacia Kane (LOL).

Stacia Kane is an accidental Jaye Wells social media hook up. Jaye Wells is always turning the Book Club Bookies on to someone fun to follow in Twitter (silly grin). @JayeWells is one of the best tweet streams to lurk on so yall need to go follow her if you plan on keeping up with the book club mischief. We pay Jaye a lot of virtual attention, including her tweets and re-tweets so beware of passing "Jaye comments" around cyberspace because we will find them - we actually do look (evil grin). It's because we heart Jaye and us bookaholics are crazy in love with the creative mind that gave us the flipping hilarious blog post "Get A Room."  Fun writing advice will always attract us newbie wannabe-authors and Jaye is mad funny with a wickedly delicious sense of humor that just keeps tipping us off center and falling off into laughter. When we discovered Stacia is just as delightfully snarky we started lurking in her twit-stream and on her blog and stumbled across several posts regarding how to write sex scenes.

Turns out it was a freaking blog series and her book makes it very convenient to take her blog posts with you everywhere you go (LOL). Stacia's sex writing series brought us right back to Jaye's blog post musings on writing a sex scene in Starbucks which actually inspired the author tribute track "Jaye Fabulous" because we just couldn't leave it alone (or stop laughing about it and she really is bloody fabulous). Jaye actually has four tracks on the Book Club Blues album. Yes, I know, I am so easily amused but I did say we heart Jaye right? (LOL)

Tann Starr - Book Club Blues - Jaye Fabulous 256kbps by C Tann Starr

We read a lot more than urban fantasy in book club but I must say it's the most fun to talk about and the authors in the genre have amazing imaginations to inspire the cartoons in my head to run amok and have some fun (silly grin). There are over a thousand titles in our bookie collections with lots of classics, business books and advice on how to do stuff... I've a tricked out law and religious library too but with all that reading material there are only three authors that actually explain the mechanics of sexy scenes.

Right now I'm obsessed with how to write a better sex scene and you can definitely blame that on Stacia Kane for being so fascinatingly honest about the entire scene writing process done her way (wicked little grin). If I have to choose the best read on the subject I am simply going to send you to her book and tell you to have fun with it. I certainly am.

Shockingly fun read may be an understatement but "very useful" is right on the money - especially if you are writing a book and need to "tweak" or "fix" your characters lack of relationship.

I didn't realize my characters were lacking a proper tension filled sexy relationship until I read this book. After having my underwear draw audited and manuscript swiped by a bunch of vampy gal pals I decided it's best not to argue with your copy readers when they chant more sex more sex more sex (LMAO). Was that a Duh Moment for me as a writer newbie? Um... er... well yeah (LOL). So much for writers workshops that don't talk incessantly about crafting good virtual sex, eh? News flash: sex sells - readers like tasteful/interesting sex scenes - ya should be telling the newbie writers this (melodramatic sigh, rolling and crossing of twitching eyes).

Thank God for Twitter, eh? Nothing like an author answer with a link (or blogging fangirls who will talk about anything that interests them - LOL). Best part about Twitter is half the time you don't need to ask what others have already asked before you. You simply need to pick an author and read their tweets like a book. If it hasn't been asked, then ask them.

One mega useful bit of writing advice in Stacia Kane's "Be A Sex Writing Strumpet" book is to read really hot sex scenes if you want to learn how to write them well. Yay! I can do that (LOL).

Two urban fantasy writers instantly popped into my head to go re-read: Jaye Wells and Richelle Mead. They write really kwel hawt sex scenes in their urban fantasy novels. I don't know about you but I happen to like being surprised when I read books. These two will definitely surprise you (happy sigh). I've got a neat Mead post in the works but I have to finish her author tribute tracks (silly grin).

We are having an after dinner snack at Starbucks and are about to map out our fave urban fantasy sex scenes (LOL). We figure it should be done here because every time I enter Starbucks I think of Jaye writing furiously on her laptop and start smiling about sex, priests and coffee shops (read "Get A Room" - there is a reason we LOVE that link - LOL). BTW -  Silver Tounge Devil will be here in January 2012 so make sure you get your pre-order in. This was the first author tribute track I created for Jaye Wells and we've got it in a battle of the bands competition because I loved cooking this puppy up and it is one of my fave bits of social media mischief. ;-)

Tann Starr - Book Club Blues - Jaye and Tequila 256kbs by C Tann Starr

I am soooooo gonna figure out a author tribute track for Stacia Kane (LOL). Chicka is indirectly helping me vamp my book out. Looking forward to teasing her about that and doing a "proper" book review (silly grin).

According to her Amazon.com bio: "Stacia Kane has been a phone psychic, a customer service representative, a bartender, and a movie theatre usher. Writing is more fun than all of them combined. She wears a lot of black, still makes great cocktails, likes to play music loud in the car, and thinks Die Hard is one of the greatest movies ever made. She believes in dragons and the divine right of kings, and is a fervent Ricardian. She lives outside Atlanta with her husband their two little girls."

Final bit of pre-author re-write advice mischief? The Nasty Little Writing Book...

Madelyne Simone Rovenhauer on Amazon

The Nasty Little Writing Book

I shall admit I need to change (thank you Stacia) because I am transitioning into a new industry that has interesting creative expectations. I also have to take readers, agents, publishers and editors seriously and participate in photo-shoots where I am no longer behind the camera but the focus of its undivided attention. I need to start small with simple things like buy more lace underwear because it represents my moving out of my "non-glamorous comfort zone." I also have to write more sex, more sex, more sex because good sex that moves the characters forward and advances a story along sells. Seriously... just ask Stacia and millions of random readers (LOL).

Even The Nasty agrees (LOL). Part of my 12-step newbie writer penance from the fashion-police-strumpet-brigade was to make me read The Nasty Little Writing Book as proof that I "must package my attitude into something visual and tangible" because I'm about to brand myself as part of "the literati." I don't think any of us used that word until we read this book. Now we "can't not" use it (LOL).

This book had book club rolling with laughter in Starbucks today and got really interesting reviews too:

"Bitingly satirical…serves up a bigger dose of truth than any gross of the usual how-to-be-published books." -- Puyallup Mercury Dispatch.

"Highly recommended for the experienced writer looking to enjoy a good…laugh…should be required reading for aspiring best-selling authors" -- Midwest Book Review

"…topples publishing from its pedestal and into the gutter where it belongs." -- René Philipe Laucaste—author, Angles Of Repose

"…vicious as it is nasty! Rovenhauer bites not only the hand that feeds her, but every hand within reach." -- Capistrano Intelligencer News

The Nasty Little Writing Book is a flipping hilarious MUST READ bit of entertainment if you're looking for the facetious inside scoop on how wrong your perceptions of what goes on behind closed industry doors really is. I enjoyed every minute of it then was inspired to go back and re-read Stacia Kane AGAIN because now I can't freaking wait to re-write and add more sex into my novels. Yeah... what a scary thought (LOL). ;-)