Diary Of a Whimpy REALTOR

This is an article my friend wrote for the Ambler Patch.

Families Struggling With a Medical Diagnosis Have a Place to Turn

The Kelly Anne Dolan helps families struggling with a child in medical crisis.

• By Billie Bakhshi

When your children are born, you understand the phrase “love at first sight.”  Your babies quickly become your reason for getting up in the morning. Your world is turned upside down. You willingly give up social opportunities for play dates, dance recitals and T-ball. Your couture is replaced with spit-up stained t-shirts and jeans. Eight hours of sleep a night? A thing of the past. 

And you wouldn’t have it any other way. After all, nothing is more precious than your child.

But what happens when your child is sick?

Kelly Anne Dolan was only two years old when her family was told she had aplastic anemia, and they joined the ranks of the hundreds of other parents in crisis at the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia (CHOP). Kelly Anne’s diagnosis set the Dolan family though every family’s worst nightmare of emergency doctor visits, in-patient hospitalizations, separation and exorbitant medical expenses, as well as mental, spiritual and physical fatigue.

The Dolans quickly realized they were not alone. So many parents at CHOP were going through the same agonizing situation – needing to be there for a sick child, but had other children at home requiring care, running out of sick time and personal days, mortgages due and medical expenses spiraling out of control, regardless of the specific diagnosis.

On a good day, parenting can be difficult when you have work obligations, groceries to buy, homework, back to school nights and meals to prepare. But there are parents who are sitting in hospital rooms who are wishing they had your problems. And chances are you, or someone you know, has gone through this nightmare.

Just short of her seventh birthday, Kelly Anne Dolan passed away due to a rare form of leukemia, a by-product of her original diagnosis.  Following the death of their beloved daughter, Peggy and Joe Dolan began a grassroots fund to help other parents who were still going through the fight of their lives.

The Kelly Anne Dolan Memorial Fund was established to “advocate for families with seriously ill, physically and cognitively challenged, or severely injured children nationwide through information and education, and to provide financial assistance for needs not covered by insurance for children living or receiving care in Pennsylvania, New Jersey and Delaware.”

While the Dolan Fund is in Kelly Anne’s name, her mom, Peggy, is quick to point out that this is not her way of remembering her daughter. 

“I don’t need the fund to remember my daughter. The fund is a way to give back to all the people who supported us when we needed them.”

Dolan has this advice to give others who are sitting in hospital rooms with their children and the people who care about them:

• Ask for and accept help. Friends, neighbors and family members often feel helpless – they care about you and want to ease your burdens. Even the smallest act of kindness will make a big difference. This is no time for pride to stand in the way of getting a break. Friends could pick your children up from school or a family member could bring dinner to the hospital. Say “yes” to financial support, if offered.

• It’s easy to look beaten down and bedraggled after worry and sleepless nights take their toll – fight it. When all aspects of your life may seem unmanageable, your appearance and personal hygiene are two areas of which you have control. Looking in the mirror and seeing the person you remember from better times can boost your confidence and optimism. Dress as if you were going to the office, fix your hair and put on make-up. Smile. Your kids will be comforted in seeing you look like your old self and love you for it.

• The stress of caring for a seriously ill child can make you sick. A proven reliever of stress is exercise. If you can’t find time to get to the gym, a break in your routine could allow for a walk around the block. Even 15 minutes a day will boost your immune system, strengthen your muscles and lower your blood pressure. If you can’t leave the house – exercise indoors. Comcast's OnDemand offers thousands of exercise programs and there are countless exercise DVD’s.

• Stay well. A child’s anxiety and stress will only worsen if the caregiver gets sick. Eat healthy. When parents are dealing with trauma, exhausting schedules, overwhelming medical appointments, protocols and treatments, eating habits often go one of two ways –you can’t stomach the thought of eating or you unconsciously eat anything in sight. Weight loss and gain are the consequences, but either way, your energy is negatively affected. Keep fresh fruits and vegetables handy. Nuts, seeds and whole grains are all good foods for a balanced metabolism.

• Depend on your spouse, significant other or best friend.  This person wants to be your shoulder to lean on, ear to bend, or home grown counselor to talk to and confide in. They will undoubtedly assist with difficult choices and will help to ease internal fears of the future.

• Don’t keep bad thoughts, hurts and misunderstandings to yourself – they will weigh you down. Be open. Spirituality is a personal thing. Embrace your vulnerability. Hope for peace, wisdom and acceptance. Meditate and find your center. Be calm and stay focused on the care of your children, yourself and your spouse. Be filled with hope.

Peggy Dolan spoke of a quote from Robert Schuller:

"Giving never moves in a straight line – it always moves in circles! It goes round... and round... and round.”

Giving back has become Peggy’s life mission. For the past thirty-five years, she has shared her experience, strength and hope with other parents and families going through the scourges of childhood illnesses.

If you need support, or if you would like to help support the Kelly Anne Dolan Fund, please contact them:

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