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Divorcing - What to Do If You Are Forced to Live Together Under the Same Roof

By Myrl Jeffcoat

Real Estate Agent

October 16, 2011 09:35 AM

It’s no secret that current economic times have created living arrangement circumstances, not usually seen before.

Increasingly, Realtors are hearing of the trend, which reminds of the old Michael Douglas, Kathleen Turner movie, "War of the Roses."

The current real estate market sometimes has divorcing couples looking to separate their lives, but also realizing they can't afford to live apart until their home is sold.

Unlike a few years ago, when many homeowners had loads of equity to share, and really good credit, present times present many glimpses of fortunes reversed.

If you are one of those couples needing to continue co-habitation, to secure a better financial position, when your home is sold, there are things you can do to make life easier for yourselves in the interim.

It is also important to understand that staying together can actually have a positive effect on marketing your home. Home Buyers have become quite sophisticated in recent years, and have a knack for sniffing out signs of Sellers in distress. Seeing that a couple continues to be together in a home can remove a bit of the appearance of distress - even if it is painful for you!

If you are a divorcing couple and find yourself in a forced cohabitation situation until your home sells, there are a few things that you can do to make the experience a little easier.

1) The two of you should sit down and discuss your situation as peacefully as possible. Perhaps putting yourselves into a mindset that you will continue as roommates for a few months until the house is sold. You are together in the house in the physical sense - even though the emotional sense has changed.

(2) Negotiate with each other the mortgage payments, utilities, and other household expenses. Address the duties for upkeep. Doing this early on, will help alleviate problems from popping up in the midst of this living arrangement - which weren't addressed early on.

(3) If there are children in the home, please put the children and their well being first and paramount in your consideration. Doing so, will help you focus on things more important than your own discomfort. If the children suffer less distress, it will be easier for all of you.

With a little thought and consideration, you can be successful in selling your home, and making what could be a bad situation work well, and to your benefit.

Good Luck to you!

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Joni Bailey

101 Main St. Realty - Huntsville, TX

Your Huntsville / Lake Livingston Area REALTOR®

In Texas if the divorce has been filed you have to disclose it. Just something to remember.

Oct 16, 2011 03:32 PM

Myrl Jeffcoat

Sacramento, CA

Greater Sacramento Realtor - Retired

Laura - Over the years I have come into contact with couples that were selling because of divorce. Sometimes they can work it out for the best of both parties, and then there are others, who simply couldn't.

Kathy - For some couples it can be an art form to work it out. But others have needed intestinal fortitude:-)

Gary - Ah yes, Danny Devito and his painted line. . .LOL I loved the differance in the cars in that movie. She drove a big truck, and he drove a little sports car. They actually type cast the cars. . .tsk, tsk!

Oct 16, 2011 03:56 PM

Myrl Jeffcoat

Sacramento, CA

Greater Sacramento Realtor - Retired

Sonja - That's a very good point. Divorce and common sense don't seem a compatible commodity, do they:-)

Alexandra - I'll tell you a little story. I was a bride once for many years. Not only were we cooperative, but I bought another house right around the corner, so we could share custody of our kids. That was a long time ago, and although our kids are now all grown, we still live within 500 feet of each other. I know, I know, most folks would think that is an insane amount of cooperation:-)

Sandy - Guidelines and boundaries has to be where any success to all this would dwell.

Oct 16, 2011 04:02 PM

Myrl Jeffcoat

Sacramento, CA

Greater Sacramento Realtor - Retired

Laura - You're right. Even the mere thought of cooperation between some divorcing pairs would curl their toes:-)

Gayle - I would highly suspect that if one party has moved on into another relationship, they could move on into the new found loves domicile. Cooperation would me more of a moot point that way. . .LOL

Joni - That's an interesting thing to have to disclose. . .I don't exactly understand why that would be needed??? If a home needs to be sold in Texas, than I would suspect it better to not file for divorce until after it's sold. No need to "distress" a property by filing papers prematurely:-)

Oct 16, 2011 04:06 PM

Tom Arstingstall, General Contractor, Dry Rot, Water Damage Sacramento, El Dorado County - (916) 765-5366

Dry Rot and Water Damage www.tromlerconstruction.com Mobile - 916-765-5366 - Placerville, CA

General Contractor, Dry Rot and Water Damage

We are seeing this uncomfortable situation happen over and over again. Couples that are even dating others, while still sharing a home. Your post describes well, how we should be behaving if we are in this situation. There is a solution if the parties make the effort to work through the problem. Thanks Myrl.

Oct 16, 2011 06:00 PM

Rebecca Gaujot, Realtor®

Lewisburg, WV

Lewisburg WV, the go to agent for all real estate

Myrl, excellent post and advice for those couples going through a divorce. Suggested.

Oct 16, 2011 06:00 PM

Deb Brooks

Brooks Prime Properties Wichita Falls Texas - Wichita Falls, TX

Myrl, these are all wonderful tips and oh so true. Today's economy is changing the world all right! We were warned there would be change...now I wish it would change back. This post is necessary for all. Thank you.

FEATURED

Oct 16, 2011 07:14 PM

Bruce Walter

Keller Williams Realty Lafayette/West Lafayette, Indiana - West Lafayette, IN

Hi Myrl, I think this is an excellent post! Times have changed from the mid-decade peak in housing. Many buyers out there have been told by the national media that it is a "buyers market" and they are looking for ANY signs to anticipate the sellers' motives for putting their house on the market and for justification for a low ball offer.

Oct 17, 2011 01:57 AM

Myrl Jeffcoat

Sacramento, CA

Greater Sacramento Realtor - Retired

Tom - It's all kicking up being civilized by a notch or two. . .LOL

Rebecca - I've noticed more couples still living together while trying to extricate themselves:-)

Deb - Thanks for the feture in your beloved "Diary of a Realtor" group! It's greatly appreciated!

Bruce - It's no secret that homebuyers can smell blood in the streets when it comes to purchasing. It is as you say, they are looking for justification for a low ball offer. Which brings up an interesting point. If REO and Short-Sales bring down neighborhood values, then so too can divorcing couples:-(

Oct 17, 2011 04:38 AM

John Cannata

214-728-0449 http://TexasLoanGuy.com - Frisco, TX

Texas Home Mortgage - Purchase or Refinance

Thats a great movie. Sadly, that is the living situation for some 'separated' couples and its not quite as funny as the movie. You shared some good tips. It really comes down to the couple themselves. How well they communicate. Its certainly easier said than done. Great tips though.

Oct 17, 2011 05:05 AM

The Scott Loper Team Bux-Mont Premier Properties

Keller Williams Real Estate - Montgomeryville - Lansdale, PA

Hi Myrl,

We have seen that trend here too. Hard to imagine cohabitating with someone you want to divorce.

I might add to your list, keep taking care of the home. Unfortunately, we see too many homes that are victims of divorce and it hurts both sides in the loss of equity/final selling price.

Lisa

Oct 17, 2011 01:04 PM

John McCormack, CRS

Albuquerque Homes Realty - Albuquerque, NM

Honesty, Integrity, Results, Experienced. HIRE Me!

Hi Mryl -

Divorce is never pleasant on either party or the Realtor either! I have dealt with this sticky situation before and it's like walking on ice making sure all parties are on the same page and keeping everyone civil. It's not easy to pull off and is stressful on the agent as well as the ones living under the same roof. Let's not forget the ones getting the divorce and one is still in the house. Oh now this can really make for an interesting listing.

Best regards from the Q

Oct 17, 2011 04:01 PM

William Johnson

Retired - La Jolla, CA

Retired

Hi Myrl, You are quite right about this. "Home Buyers have become quite sophisticated in recent years, and have a knack for sniffing out signs of Sellers in distress ". When you see all of the husbands shoes stuffed under the sofa and clothes popping out from under the seat cushions, that is usually a sign. And when you see all his clothes in bags ( especially his suits and sports jackets) thrown around the garage, that is another sign. And his tooth brush and shave cream in the powder room, also signs that there used to be stress in the house. :-)

Oct 17, 2011 04:12 PM

Patricia Feager, MBA, CRS, GRI,MRP

DFW FINE PROPERTIES - Flower Mound, TX

Selling Homes Changing Lives

Myrl,

Although we don't like to hear the "D" word, I had to suggest this post because it is part of reality. When a couple separates, they should think of the sale of their property as a business transaction. When there's full cooperation, more positive energy will flow, giving that house a sense of peace. First impressions make a big difference. If they are serious about separating, they have to be mature enough to handle it like a business transaction and not like enemies.

That movie, War of the Roses is one I never forgot. I've never gone through a divorce, but I know they can get ugly. As you pointed out, it doesn't have to be that way. That's the reason why I had to click suggest. It's a topic that needs to be discussed, and rarely is in writing.

Great job Myrl!

Patricia

Oct 17, 2011 08:08 PM

Robert Hammerstein -

Christie's International Real Estate - Hillsdale, NJ

Bergen County NJ Real Estate

Myrl - We couldn't agree more with this post.... Well done... and great advice. So many times we as agents come across these situations in our daily business... Very good advice for all in this potentially combustible situation.

Oct 18, 2011 06:55 AM

Patricia Kennedy

RLAH@properties - Washington, DC

Home in the Capital

Myrl, the period between making a decision to split and moving out of the house has to be one of the more awkward times of one's life. Then add to it all the stress of selling a home.

I do remember that movie, and I often suggest that seperating couples watch it on Netflix!

Oct 19, 2011 05:45 AM

Kristine Ginsberg

Elite Staging and Redesign, LLC - Short Hills, NJ

NJ Home Stager

Myrl - my sister and now exhusband did this and they both took the high road and were so civilized. I was truly in awe of them. They now both own beautiful homes near each other so my niece and nephew can go back and forth easily. They talk on the phone daily and still raise their children together, just from separate households. It's almost as if they had read your post - lol! Great advice and I'm sure you will never know who many people faced with this situation that you have helped. I'd suggest, but no need!

Oct 19, 2011 02:19 PM

Lise Howe

Keller Williams Capital Properties - Washington, DC

Assoc. Broker in DC, MD, VA and attorney in DC

Myrl, buyers certainly are sophisticated now. One set of clothing, half the furniture missing. All tell buyers that there is a divorce and a distressed property. bargains ahead.

Oct 20, 2011 02:21 AM

Roy Kelley

Retired - Gaithersburg, MD

Good advice for the many couples that find themselves in this situation. Too many of these properties end up as foreclosures.

Life is good!

The Dahlia Show at Brookside Gardens in Montgomery County, MD

Roy and Dolores Kelley Photographs

Oct 20, 2011 04:31 AM

Elizabeth Weintraub Sacramento Broker

Elizabeth Anne Weintraub, Broker - Sacramento, CA

Put 40 years of experience to work for you

Yup, I am one of those agents who look at the clothes in the closet and toiletries in the bath to determine what's going on. If I figure out it's a divorce, that price just dropped. I also kick around those overdue bills on the floor by the mailbox, too. It's amazing the stuff people leave out in plain sight for agents and their buyers to look at.

Man, divorcing sellers are surely screwed in Texas.

Oct 22, 2011 09:25 AM