I have an interest in understanding relationships. A particular interest is father/son relationships. I believe intentional efforts directed toward the development of healthy, affirming, and positive memory building father/son activities are too often squeezed out by our need to “do business.”
I intentionally made the effort to create a memory building activity when my son graduated from high school. I was at the peak of my career. There was no shortage of opportunities to “do business.” I am glad I did not let the opportunities interfere!
The summer following my son’s graduation we took a 4000 mile motorcycle trip from Astoria, Oregon down the coast lines of Oregon and California to the Mexican border, inland to the Grand Canyon and some of the beautiful Utah parks before we made it home.
Many times since our trip I have found myself using something which took place during the trip to talk to other fathers about what was going on with their sons. Relationships cannot be separated from life—they are what life is all about. All relationships contribute something to every person touched by the relationship. What determines the quality of the relationship is whether the contribution is positive, negative, or benign. I want my relationships to be positive.
Family relationships by their very nature impact our lives the most. When these relationships are healthy, the quality and meaningfulness of life is enhanced and the family is able to grow through all the changes which inevitably come into the ever expanding and fluid family dynamics.
Although the father/son relationship is no more important than a father/daughter, or the spouse-to-spouse relationship, it is distinctive. My observation is that a unique strength comes to the family unit when fathers and sons develop a strong tie.
My wife and I met in college, and, as I was about to complete a Masters Degree, started our family. A son and a daughter blessed our home.
This effort to explore the father/son relationship is not only drawn from some of the events during our motorcycle trip together but also the effect my health at the time had on the experience.
I lived with chronic pain from a rather sever case of Rheumatoid Arthritis during most of my children’s growing up years. This element does not constitute the totality of experiences for our ever developing lives together and separately, but is a significant part of our history.
I have never talked to a father who said he didn’t care if he was not a good dad. I have observed some who acted like that was what they thought. I have known many who acted like being a good dad was going to be as easy as learning to walk. It would, they seemed to believe, just come naturally.
A cursory glance into the dysfunctional lifestyles of a much-to-large segment of our society confirms the reality that healthy father/son relationships do not “just happen.”
Perhaps by making this effort to tell my attempt at being intentional with my father/son relationship some awareness of what can be done to be a good dad will come to a dad who is busy “doing business.”
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