It's been said that a computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exception of the combination of handguns with tequila. It's true that computers make very accurate mistakes very quickly. Having had a previous consulting career which involved writing a lot of software, I can understand the fact that any computer will malfunction, most likely at a critical time. With this in mind, I offer a series of computer laws for your entertainment:
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When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.
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When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it's probably obsolete.
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The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you least expect to find it.
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When the going gets tough, upgrade.
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For every action, there is an equal and opposite possible undesired result
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To err is human . . . to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human, it is downright natural.
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He who laughs last probably made a back-up.
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If at first you do not succeed, blame your computer.
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A complex system that does not work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked perfectly.
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The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.
The other day I was writing a lengthy email and my machine restarted, loosing everything that I'd written, but not sent. After cussing a bit and imagining bad things happening to Bill Gates, I realized exactly what had happened. Windows had downloaded some upgrades and had decided to install them in the background while I was working and had subsequently restarted in order to put the upgraded features into action.
Now, the people at Microsoft are kind enough to warn you about a pending restart with a little pop-up window, but I'd apparently ignored it and, as a result, suffered the loss of my hard-written prose. Anyway, I decided that there must be a solution to this problem. It's happened to me before and I'll bet it's probably happened to you. (If you've already changed your computer settings so this won't happen, you can quit reading now.) The solution is easy. Here is the cure for Windows Vista and Windows 7, laid out in a series of simple steps:
- Click on the "Start Button" to begin. That's the little, blue circle with the Windows logo on it, located on the very lower left-hand corner of your screen.
- In the bottom box where it says "Search programs and files" type in "Windows Update" and then press the Enter key. (XP users, if any, should find the Windows Update program in the Control Panel.)
- Click on the "Change Settings" option in the blue, vertical menu at the left of the screen. This will open the Change Settings window.
- There will be a grey, drop-down option box roughly in the middle of the window. Click on the downward pointing arrow at the right of the box to open it so you can see the options that are available. Select "Download updates but let me choose whether to install them." This will turn off the automatic installation and restart mode.
- Click on the "OK" button at the very bottom of the Change Settings window.
- Pat yourself on the back. You've just ensured that your computer won't restart on you without your permission (at least for the automatic update problem).
- Make a mental note to periodically let Windows install the updates it notifies you about. The updates will usually enhance your system's abilities.
This procedure won't make your life wonderful, but it will help with one minor problem. Just remember to back up your work regularly, because sooner or later you'll probably get the dreaded message:
(A)bort, (R)etry, (I)gnore, (P)anic? (C)urse!
When you do, it will be too late to create a back-up.
Namaste!
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