Effective listening is an essential and valuable skill. Unfortunately becoming a good listener takes time and practice.

3 Stages to Listening

1. Hearing:  Hearing just means listening enough to catch what the speaker is saying. For example, say you were listening to a report on zebras, and the speaker mentioned that no two are alike. If you can repeat the fact, then you have heard what has been said.
2. Understanding:  The next part of listening happens when you take what you have heard and understand it in your own way. Let’s go back to that report on zebras. When you hear that no two are alike, think about what that might mean. You might think, “Maybe this means that the pattern of stripes is different for each zebra.
3. Judging: After you are sure you understand what the speaker has said, think about whether it makes sense. Do you believe what you have heard? You might think, “How could the stripes be different for every zebra? But then again, the fingerprints are different for every person. I think this seems believable.”

8 Tips for being a good listener

1. Give your full attention on the person who is speaking. Don’t look out the window or at what else is going on in the room.
2. Make sure your mind is focused. It can be easy to let your mind wander if you think you know what the person is going to say next, but you might be wrong! Most individuals speak at the rate of 175 to 200 words per minute. However, research suggests that we are capable of listening and processing words at the rate of 600 to 1,000 words per minute. If you feel your mind wandering, change the position of your body and try to concentrate on the speaker’s words.
3. Let the speaker finish before you begin to talk. Speakers appreciate having the chance to say everything they would like to say without being interrupted.  By interrupting before letting the speaker finish, you’re essentially saying that you don’t value what they are saying. Showing respect to the speaker is a crucial element of good listening.
4. Let yourself finish listening before you begin to speak! You can’t really listen if you are busy thinking about what you want to say next.
5. Listen for main ideas. The main ideas are the most important points the speaker wants to get across. They may be mentioned at the start or end of a talk, and repeated a number of times. Pay special attention to statements that begin with phrases such as “My point is…” or “The thing to remember is…”
6. Ask questions. If you are not sure you understand what the speaker has said, just ask.
7. Practice paraphrasing. Paraphrasing is the art of putting into your own words what you thought you heard and saying it back to the speaker.
8. Give feedback. Sit up straight and look directly at the speaker. Now and then, nod to show that you understand. At appropriate points you may also smile, frown, laugh, or be silent. These are all ways to let the speaker know that you are really listening. Remember, you listen with your face as well as your ears!