May it comfort you to know, more than likely the ones you lost were pretty amazing people or pets and they had a wonderful life, just because of you!
When it comes to loss, no one is exempt. Think about the time period they lived and reflect on the good memories and how they impacted your life. If you think of a funny story, it’s okay to laugh. Your loved ones would love to hear you laugh, so laugh out loud to the skies up above. It’s okay to enjoy precious memories and to celebrate life on earth!
My grandparents were born in the late 1890's and all of them passed away before I was 12 years old. I don't even know what stories or memories I could have had, had they lived while I was an adult. As a matter of fact, they didn't even speak English! So I really have no memories of any conversations. I remember sitting on my mother's father's lap a couple of times. My feet didn't even reach his knee caps. I remember when my father's father died; I was five turning six on the day of the funeral. This was my first funeral experience - but it was still my birthday and I thought all those people were there for my party. I got in trouble because I wanted a birthday cake and I had to sit in the corner at the funeral parlor. I didn't know what a funeral parlor was or what any of that meant. I remember a few days before my father's mother died. I knocked on her door and she answered the door without her blouse on. It was the first time I saw an old ladies breasts and it made me want to poke my eyes out. I used to kneel at my bed and pray every night for God to PLEASE don't let me have boobs like that!
When you’re a child coping with loss, you need the support and guidance of your parents and guardians. If you're lucky, from the adults in your life, you draw strength and courage. They lived at a time before you even existed. They walked through dusty trails, baked cookies, cooked holiday dinners, they labored hard, lived through droughts, cold weather, felt the sunshine on their faces and the rain. They enjoyed the changing of the leaves, the holidays, family get-togethers, farm animals, perhaps riding horses, had pets of their own, enjoyed wild animals, plants, birds, their sons and daughters, and most of all their grandchildren and any great grandchildren that followed.
As an adult coping with loss, you add up the years you lived with that person and you cling to their memories, some tighter than others. Life is not fair. It’s not the number of years, but the quality of years that matter. Try not to cling too tight to the memories and make room for those who are in your life now. They need you more than ever. You are giving others lasting memories too. Don’t shut the people who love you out. If friends don’t make time for you, make new friends. You can always make new friends throughout your life. Often times, it’s the new ones that can free you from your burdens. Collect good friends like you collect unique seashells on the beach.
I love seashells. I’ve collected them all my life. Maybe it’s the calm of the seashore that stands for peace, stillness and unrushed, eternal time. Water seems to refresh a weary spirit and cleanses a tired soul. When my husband died, I spent the first night at the Hilton Hotel. They let me have the hot tub and pool all to myself after the pool hours were closed. There, I filled the pool with my tears. I was cleansed inside and out.
I like to think of the people I lost in life as part of my seashell collection. It takes a lot for a seashell to survive and not get pounded by the surf. Both can teach us to have faith, courage, and strength to weather whatever storms come our way. Be thankful for the people you collect in your lifetime and for those who passed your way. We learn something new from all life experiences.
© Photo and written content by Patricia Feager, December 20, 2011.
Comments(37)