Special offer

Real Estate & Zen.

By
Real Estate Agent with Simple Listing Solutions LLC

It's true that what you think about you bring about, so be careful. If you're always thinking, "I need more business" or "I need this listing to sell", it's very likely that you'll just continue to feed that need. The idea of "needing" means that you don't have something. Not having that "something" will only increase if you keep putting thought and energy into "not having it and needing it".

Does that make sense?

I always pay attention to my "self-talk" - and believe me, it's interesting! By paying attention to the voices in my head I am able to correct them when they start to go needy on me. I say things not only to myself, but out loud to my clients all the time that sound like this, "The perfect house for you is right around the corner! If it's not on the market yet, it's coming soon" or, "the buyer of this house is going to have a large down payment, be willing to close according to our schedule and be a pleasure to work with - you'll see!"

Now, it's critical that when this "perfect" buyer comes along (the one I've attracted through the power of positive thought plus a little help from my bag of tools) that "I" show up in a way that makes them want to continue to be perfect and work according to my sellers tricky closing requirements - or whatever.

My coach, friend and mentor used to say it like this, "Chris, talk to me in a way that makes me want to serve you". Have you ever tried talking to the woman behind the mile long check in line at the airport whose obviously about to have a melt down in a way that would make her honored to serve you? I have, and I've gotten bumped up into 1st Class when the flight was full coming home from a business trip on the east coast!

"Who we be" and "how we show up" is, I believe, fundamental to a healthy real estate practice. Our clients notice and appreciate it so much so that they continue to not only use our services, but become actively involved in referring people to us because they want their referral to have the same experience they had.

I've studied the Japanese martial art of Aikido for many years. In aikido, there are zero attacks. In other words, you can't really walk up and "do aikido" on someone, yet is is extremely martial. If someone throws a punch or violently grabs you, aikido techniques could be used to instantly break an arm, hand, elbow or drive them into the ground face first. Aikido is a circular as opposed to linear art and is very beautiful to watch;perhaps the most technically difficult to learn of all martial arts.

The dojo mat where our training takes place is representative of the world we live in and our life in general. I've noticed that karate and other "striking" arts tend to create, or atleast reinforce a mindset of "I strike" - as opposed to "I will not be struck", which is Aikido. Again, the focus is on "who you be". I am not a striker or kicker of people; I am a person who will not be struck or kicked - it's very different. O'Sensei, the founder of aikido once said, "you can not wrap the world in leather but you can make leather moccasins".

How do we learn to walk in this often sharp and jagged world? The way seems simple enough to me.

If I want referrals, I be referrable. Want more business? Make the light of my authenticity and true desire to serve shine brightly and then put myself in front of people who need to buy and sell. I stop "needing" and start attracting through paying attention to who I be and KNOW that it is coming if I just keep knowing it.

Do I sound like someone you might like to hang around with?

I'll close this by saying that what I've just written is primarily a conversation with myself and to myself as I've been known to take offense when people "should" on me and do not wish to do so to others. If there is a ring of truth here or a little morsel you can walk away, you're free to have it!

 

 

Comments (20)

Monika McGillicuddy
Berkshire Hathaway HomeServices Verani Realty - Hampstead, NH
Southern NH & the Seacoast Area

"Stop "needing" and start attracting through paying attention to who I be and KNOW that it is coming if I just keep knowing it."   I love it and I know what you mean...great post.

Monika 

Dec 13, 2006 10:39 AM
Jeff Turner
RealSatisfied - Santa Clarita, CA
From one Californian to another.... Dude! "If I want referrals, I be referrable." Right on the head. Nailed it. "Chris, talk to me in a way that makes me want to serve you." These are truths. Thank you for sharing them! Fabulous post.
Dec 13, 2006 11:01 AM
John Klassen
M & T Bank - Kingston, NY

Right on. If you know you will be successful you will pattern your behavior to become so. People do not choose their Realotr opr loan officer based on the desperation of that person. To get the right business you have to be willing to walk away form the wrong business.

To attract he right business you have to have the values, beliefs and confidence that will attract that kind of business.

A bit garbled...but I know what you meant.

Dec 13, 2006 11:43 AM
Kaushik Sirkar
Call Realty, Inc. - Chandler, AZ
Success breeds more success.....and many clients are very adroit at spotting that success 'on' you.  Desperation can be spotted also - and the client won't choose you!
Dec 13, 2006 12:07 PM
Margaret Rome Baltimore 410-530-2400
HomeRome Realty 410-530-2400 - Pikesville, MD
Sell Your Home With Margaret Rome

Great conversation and you get no arguments! The word "should" is no longer used by me! People hire me because of what I can do to help THEM! They don't hire me because of MY needs. When you have self-talk, you have a good audience!

Good post and congratulations on being featured!

www.HomeRome.com

Baltimore,Md.

Dec 13, 2006 12:40 PM
Dena Stevens
Rocky Mountain Realty - Canon City, CO
Putting The Real Into Realtor Since 2004
Needing is like a carrot on a stick - you never get it. Excellent blog!
Dec 13, 2006 12:54 PM
Brian Brady
Matthews Capital Markets - Tampa, FL
858-699-4590

The mind is powerful,.

I stopped selling money and started looking for ways to solve people's problems.  Now it's resulted in people calling me for WAY too much advice BUT...

I'd rather they call than not call.

Nice thoughts, Christopher.

 

 

Dec 13, 2006 01:14 PM
Chris Tesch
RE/MAX Bryan-College Station - College Station, TX
College Station, Texas Real Estate
Great post Chris!  I try not to "need" business.  I want to help people find the right home.  Focus on what we are here for and good things happen
Dec 13, 2006 04:09 PM
Jay Thompson
Zillow - Seattle, WA

The power of positive thinking. There's no question it works.


"Be referrable".  I love that...

 

A world record for blog commenting!

http://www.ThompsonsRealty.com
http://www.PhoenixRealEstateGuy.com

 

Dec 13, 2006 05:16 PM
Jolynne Photography, Creative Wedding Photography, Family Portraits, Bar Mitzvahs
Jolynne Photography - Hemet, CA
Bat Mitzvahs, Senior Pictures, Event Photography

Here's an affirmation I sometimes will go over while cooling off from my morning swim:

"I help people.  I care for people.  People love doing business with me."

I've found that altering my attitudes, beliefs and comfort zones has been central to the success that I've been creating.  Thanks for bringing it to the fore.

Dec 13, 2006 06:59 PM
William Collins
ERA Queen City Realty - Scotch Plains, NJ
Property and Asset Management
Christopher, Thanks for the post. The power of positive thought is so crucial, the affirmations so essential. It is how I start my day, as well as how I embrace the challenges brought on by interacting with a myriad of personality types on a daily basis. I actually find the challenges rewarding when I control the situation using this approach, rather than allowing the situation to control me.
Dec 13, 2006 08:31 PM
Sharon Simms
Coastal Properties Group International - Christie's International - Saint Petersburg, FL
St. Petersburg FL - CRS CIPS CLHMS RSPS
I believe we send out an "aura" - when we're on a roll, more keeps coming; when we're down in the dumps, nothing comes. There's something in our eyes, in our voice, in our body movement, and yes, even to people who call us out of the blue. So, definitely, think positive, think giving, think serving.
Dec 13, 2006 10:52 PM
Melissa Mullany
The County Land Company - Saint Charles, IL
I agree. I would equate needs to goals. And you always have to need, or provide goals for yourself in order to succeed. I also would say that I believe the same thing that Sharon Simms above believes. Everyone has an aura, or a way of coming off to people, and perception in the eyes of others means alot. I was told by someone once, "if you want to be rich, you should act rich." Now, I don't go around acting rich, but most rich people hold their head up high, and you can bet that I do. I also like to listen to Joel Osteen, he puts the concept in a religious aspect, but it definitely works.
Dec 14, 2006 03:27 AM
Christopher Sylvada
Simple Listing Solutions LLC - Encinitas, CA

Wayne Dyer has a great audio set called, "You'll See It When You Believe It". Consciously creating our belief systems requires mental consistancy and asking ourself, "does this belief support my goals?" I affirmed every day for one year via writing in my journal over and over and over the first thing every morning and last thing in the evening, " I, Chris Sylvada am young, powerful and vivacious! I earn a minimum of $10,000 each and every month - month in and month out. It's who I am and it's what I do, easily".

I stopped focusing on the "how" and just focused on the "what" because I believed, and now am very clear, that the subconscious mind will manifest into reality whatever it believes. In other words, I had to tell it over and over and over that my current reality was an illussion and that my dream was actually the truth.

It's like re-programming the software installed by our parents that say's "money doesn't grow on trees and life is difficult so get ready buddy".

I looked up one day and noticed I was earning $10,000 to $20,000 per month.

One of my favorite quotes: "Whatever the mind of man can concieve, he can achieve". Obviously man just means human, not specifically "men".

Dec 14, 2006 04:23 AM
Tony and Suzanne Marriott, Associate Brokers
Serving the Greater Phoenix and Scottsdale Metropolitan Area - Scottsdale, AZ
Haven Express @ Keller Williams Arizona Realty
Don't know about Zen....we do have a Buyer Associate "Ken"....who answers the phone "SKEN!" - not sure if that counts as Zen or not! :-)
Dec 14, 2006 11:26 AM
Karen Hurst
RICOASTALLIVING.COM - Warwick, RI
Rhode Island Waterfront!

Christopher,

Very interesting post. I believe this relates to all of life as well. There is always an upside to any situation and by focusing on that we can always be positive.

We have a sign in our sunroom..."We can't direct the wind, We can adjust the sails". I think this applies to just about everything. Glad you are living your dream.

Dec 14, 2006 01:44 PM
Chris Hendricks
Walnut Creek, CA
I can't control events and outcomes.  I can control how I feel about and react to events.  Yes... California, but still true! Thanks....
Dec 14, 2006 02:27 PM
Ivan Warman
Verify Tenant - Dania Beach, FL

Hi Christopher this is my 5th year trainning Aikido my dojo is in Hollywood Fl (aikidosouthflorida)
After a long day of working is nothing like going to class and release some stress
That way the next day you can go back to the rutine ready to accept what ever it comes

Good Luck

Ivan Warman
www.rightabouthomes.com

Dec 14, 2006 02:58 PM
Russell Rosencrans, ePRO, GRI
Century 21 Fridley Realtors - Branson, MO

I am, therfore I know I am, I can relate, and the best song to go with this is the road to Zen by Corey  Stevens, Great song has Stevie Ray and Eric Clapton appeal great Blues artist also Wrote Litte Drops of Rain. I thought I was the only one that really talked to one's self. It helps keep me focused, and on task. I was in radio for years, so I have always practiced infront of a mirror. I have really got to know the guy on the other side and it is interesting you can make them do what ever you ask and believe.

The road to zen is life. Be the best you can be and believe in your self! You can do, It!!! 

Russ Rosencrans

www.russrosencrans.com

Dec 15, 2006 12:42 AM
Anonymous
joe Stumpf - JoesJournal.com

Stop Needing Referrals

Posted by Joe Stumpf 

Have you ever heard, “Whatever you focus on, you attract”?

On a recent coaching call one of my clients said, “I really need to get more referrals.”

My response was, “As long as you need them you won’t get them because the more you need something, the more you attract the energy of needing.”

She asked me to explain what I meant.

When you need something, it means you don’t have.

When you don’t have, you come from a place called “I need.” You’re in scarcity and you lack something. From that place you attract more neediness.

So, when you think and say “I need more referrals” – what you manifest is a need for more referrals, and you’ve achieved that goal.

That’s not the goal you want. Your goal is getting referrals, not the need for them.

 

Try this: Right now, begin to stop needing referrals.

 Starting today, choose Being Referable versus Needing Referrals.

Affirm these two statements out loud with passion and commitment:

I love the thought of being a highly referable consultant who easily receives two great referrals from each of my current clients.

I love the thought that today I have decided to get two great referrals from each of the people I talk to in my sphere of influence.

Keep playing these positive affirmations in your head.

What you think about, you talk about, and what you talk about, you bring about.

 Go for it!

Dec 25, 2006 03:44 PM
#21