Click to listen to Walk On By by Isaac Hayes while reading this post.
This is not my usual uplifting and motivating post although you can look at it as a liberating post of the glorious day when a victim decides to no longer be a victim. I heard a saying once, “It is not your fault if you are a victim but it is your fault if you choose toremain a victim.” I lived the life of a victim in a victim’s mind cell for 20 years to an abusive and dysfunctional relationship and marriage. I kept trying to make things right. I kept praying that God would save me from him. There were times that I even wished as he was in one of his tyrates that he would drop dead from a heart attack. All this wishing, praying and begging only made my circumstances worse because no one could save me but me of course with the help of God. But I had to make the decision to free myself by myself. I had to choose to stop being a victim.
I was watching one of my beautiful daughters perform her University dance ensemble the other night. This song, “Walk On By”, came on and brought back memories of the past so strongly that I knew I would have to write this post. I have come a long way since the time of this song. This song inspired healing the other night as the process to heal is ongoing throughout life when you live through this for so long.
I have been writing poetry since I was 12 years old. I have books and books of poems I have written and some of my poetry was published. Since my children became teenagers and then with my new boy of 5 entering our family I have not been writing poetry… until today.
Here is a poem I wrote about my discovery of the empowering moment of decision.
She wanders into unknown spaces
Looking for love in all the wrong places
Shattered- her heart torn to shreds
Left bleeding on the ground, no one to make amends
Falling, falling, falling
Her hand reaches up out of a darkened well
Thirsting for a nod, one to notice her hell
She is here, she is alive
Yet dead inside.
A young girl of 18 finds herself about to repeat a cycle
A hidden secret even she does not know.
A dark secret, set in falsities of loyalty
Intimidated, manipulated
A predator’s dream.
Where does she go from here?
Who does she turn to for relief?
A prisoner of unknown emotional and physical abuse
Captured, awaits to be set free.
But no one comes to provide refuge,
Many see but make no effort to succor her plea.
In years gone by she sees from within,
‘There is no one who can do this for me’
Strength she must muster from deep inside
She is the captive
She alone is her liberator
Only she can set herself free.
This is a public post so that anyone out there woman or man that is being abused may read this poem and this post. It is my hope and prayer that you will make the decision to free yourself one day and when that day comes that you accept your decision with gratitude and power as I have.
Copyright by Katerina Gasset, All rights Reserved.
28 Comments on Walk On By
KATERINA: I think that we've found a contest that you really enjoy! Thank you for all of your entries. I'm looking forward to checking each one out.
Katerina, music has touched our lives in so many ways. This is wonderful, love the post. Love your transparency. This is the best contest, a window into our souls through the music.
Katerina, that is wonderful that you can share your victory over being the victim. I agree that too many people chose to remain the victim instead of deciding that that portion of their life is over. Media's Family Reunion is a great movie that touches on this and an inspiration to all. Domestic violence has no place in society.
Adam- Funny thing is when you guys came up with this contest I thought I would not be able to make an entry because I did not think I could come up with anything for the contest! Katerina
Katerina, Your poem is beautiful and so uplifting. I believe it will help many people. Isn't it wonderful that you discoved YOU had the power to completely turn your life around and are exactly where you are meant to be, right now. Beautiful post.
Missy- Pretty amazing what comes up when we are listening to a song thinking about the contest. It is as though this contest has opened up a lot of souls inner depths! Powerful stuff! Katerina
Tom- Thanks so much, stuff still creeps up but I am in control and know how to deal with stuff now. I use it to make wiser choices and now I am not afraid to let it out. The secret is out and that is the most important part of healing. Katerina
Dan- I almost did not press the submit button. I was hoping it was not too negative and so I am pleased with how everyone has taken this, to help and to inspire, thanks! If I help just one person it is worth it.Katerina
Danny- I will have to check out that movie. Thanks for you commenting on my posts. My passion is to change lives and if I can empower others to stop the abuse and choose to be responsible for all that is in their lives, than all I went through was worth it. People including myself play the blame game and that is a very weak stance to take. Katerina
One day when I get retire I would like to take all the poetry I ever wrote and publish a book with it all. There is not much demand for poetry these days that I know of, so I have not really focused on any of it. Thank you so much for your comment. I am who I am because of all I have been through. It is my time to shine! Katerina
Carole- thank you for your lovely compliment. All that I am, all that was and all that is, was meant to be, to bring me to this very moment in time, in this place, it all is for a reason, so perfect and so complete. Katerina
Katerina, Only a strong person as yourself could have made such a big decision and move from an abusive relationship. You know I entered the contest as well and my song was inspired by my daughter's performance.
There seems to be no end to your talent - add poetry to the list! You inspire everyone around you evry day. I'm so grateful for getting to know you through ActiveRain!
Margaret- Thank you so much for your compliment and I am grateful to know you too. I am grateful that I am now able to pay so much forward. Margaret- For years my X told me I was worthless, no good, a bad mother, bad wife, on and on, if I ever shined he would make sure to strip it away to the point that I had no self esteem left, I have a lot to give and when I got the strength, money and plans to run away from him with 5 kids... I became alive once again! It is amazing that I do have talents and they were stifled for years. But now I am free! Katerina
Katerina, is that 4 or 5 entries now in the Song contest? I'm glad you also took the time to enter the Holiday Balance contest. I'm getting a bit overwhelmed with all these contests happening simultaneously.
On to your post, I'm glad to hear that you have freed yourself from a dreadful situation that you endured for so long and have moved on to a better marriage and a better place in life. And thanks for having the courage to share this story.
Katerina-What a beautiful woman you are to reach out and you make a difference for somebody who is going through the same thing. I'm sorry to you that you that you had to endure such a painful time in your life. With your spirit and strength you have made it through and you will be the voice the carry others through.
My Mom was abused horribly by her 2nd husband and he nearly killed her. I'm her only child and to this day, the thought of the abuse hurts horribly. She has made it through and is married to a wonderful man. At the time I thought those same things that you did. I was only 10 and I would pray that something would happen to him to make him go away. I would beg my Mom to move us away. Finally when she found her strength we did move away. To this day when I see that man, my body shakes in fear. Although it's very rare for me to see him, unfortunately passing him in a store has happened.
Thank you again for bringing this forward. Your poetry is written with such strength. Isn't that amazing how simple a poem can be when our heart pours it all out on paper?
Katerina - thank you, than you, thank you. The honesty of the words spoken from your soul can't me mistaken for anything. I am so sorry, you suffered. I do believe that there is a purpose to our lives, but it is hard to see when we are in that moment. How can abuse, or loss have any purpose? Your life is a testament to this purpose. You came out on the other end of the very dark tunnel to demonstrate the purpose of a better life.
I got home late last night- I was counseling a friend (I have training as a volunteer abuse counselor). Leaving takes unbelievable inner strengths. Katerina -you've got lots of it.
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KATERINA: I think that we've found a contest that you really enjoy! Thank you for all of your entries. I'm looking forward to checking each one out.