She knew it.  She just knew it.  Even after last year... once again... today is December 30, 2011... and tomorrow is here again.

She wished she could figure out a way to make that particular "tomorrow" disappear.

You see... she is stuck.  Stuck in some sort of a Star Trek time loop.  Or maybe a better comparison would be what happens in one of her favorite movies... GroundHog Day.

In some ways... waking up tomorrow is a once-a-year kinda thing.  But in many other ways... it seems like it happens to her every single day.

I know.  I am talking nonsense.  Up until now.

But tomorrow is the anniversary of her wedding day.  New Year's Eve... 1965.  She and her childhood sweetheart got married that day.  The two of them... 21 and 19... had known each other for eight years.  Eight years since that day they met.

Is being 13 and 11 too young to fall in love ?  They thought not.  Way back then... Paul Anka had a song on the charts called "Puppy Love."  Of course, it was all about young love, how it feels, and how so many others saw it as childish.  But they knew better.  They knew it was the real thing.  They really did.

And so... beginning with December 31, 1965... and every New Year's Eve for the next eighteen years... these lovebirds were just that.  Lovebirds.  Right up until they weren't.

Adultery raised it's ugly head.  The cheating, the sneaking, the disguised meetings.  Somehow it all escaped her.  Somehow she had no clue... until she stumbled upon it.  There they were... her childhood sweetheart... and her best friend... boinking.

Recently I saw a story about Sandra Bullock.  Her short-time hubby had been cheating on her.  She had no clue.  She trusted.  And when she found out... she filed for divorce.  And since then... she has used two words to describe herself.  She said she felt "permanently broken."

Of course you know that this story is about me.  And how I have used those same words for years.

It is so funny... the ironic kind of funny... that when someone shares with me that she is feeling the same kind of reaction... when she is beating herself up in much the same way... I can be so very understanding... so very able to listen, to console, and to be there in a sisterly way for her.

But for me... the same things don't seem to work the same way.  Permanently broken.

 
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44 Comments on Tomorrow is Here Again... And for One More Year... Things Get Personal...

20 Most Recent Comments Displayed Show All

DEC
30
2011
342,627 Points 12 Featured Posts Localism Sponsor Called Shot Master

Karen Anne - You are so precious and are a special lady.  I am sending you a big <hug>!   I have been delt some bad hands but I am a survivor and you are too:)
8:34pm • #25
479,633 Points 22 Featured Posts Outside Blog Called Shot Master

I think that we are a sum of all the the things in our life.  Our accomplishments and our sorrows add up to make us who we are.  I have read some of your writings about your Mom and you have a great soul.  I think if our lives were one sided then we would be tipped over.  I am not a hugger but I will send you a huge high five for picking yourself up and opening yourself up.
8:51pm • #26
1,113,858 Points 101 Featured Posts Outside Blog Attended Rain Camp Called Shot Master

You know Karen Anne- my Donald and I have been married for ten years.  After my X asked me for a divorce while I was expecting our daughter I was So broken.  For many years I thought it was permenant, but you know when I least expected love I found I was in it.
10:35pm • #27
958,432 Points 24 Featured Posts Outside Blog Attended Rain Camp Called Shot Master

Karen Anne- I like Donna's idea of flying over the date line and skipping the entire day. I am not a big fan of New Years Eve either. When Drew writes his Thank you cards he says he sends hugs instead of kisses by writing lots of "O's". So OOOOOOOOOOO from Maryland to Texas.
11:17pm • #28
DEC
31
2011
292,202 Points 3 Featured Posts Outside Blog Attended Rain Camp

Broken trust is hard to recover from in a relationship, as it is truly the foundation. I wish you a year of healing too in 2012, that will start with "making do" and get better from there.
10:44am • #30
183,807 Points 8 Featured Posts Localism Sponsor Outside Blog

Come back, come back! Move to Portland, Centralia, Seattle  ... this side of the mountains. We'll DO it! It's frosty white out there this morning at the moment. And, except for the last week or so, we've had one of the driest Decembers on record.

I'm lifting my cup of coffee to you. (much better than wine this time of the morning ... although it's coming later) I've so enjoyed loved getting to know you a wee bit here on AR. You're a special lady and I'm honored to read your thoughts now and then.

2012 is going to to be YOUR year. Mine too. The year when some of those ugly memories just disappear because they're not worth the angst. And the year when we're flat out too busy to even begin to think of them. 2012 is the year. It IS!
12:53pm • #31
338,026 Points 8 Featured Posts Outside Blog Called Shot Master

It's unanimous! Everyone loves Donna's suggestion.

Listen, years ago, I read that some really rich people had found a novel way to celebrate the New Year. They were up on an airplane, traveling to new destinations all night and everytime they arrived somewhere new where it had just turned 12:00, they'd count down, scream, shout and party all over again.

Maybe you should try that in the reverse?

 
6:54pm • #32
JAN
01
2012
227,099 Points 2 Featured Posts Attended Rain Camp Called Shot Master

Karen Anne, it is very painful topic and I am sure it's been hard to write about it. What I am thinking is that you should make this day a very special for YOURSELF. You should make some travel plans. I am sure it will be wonderful to celebrate New Year in Paris, London, Moscow... 
9:14pm • #33
JAN
02
2012
477,249 Points 10 Featured Posts Outside Blog Attended Rain Camp Called Shot Master

Karen Anne, thanks for baring your soul. These kind of posts are always so meaningful to me.

Happy New Year! I hope 2012 is a great year for you and your family. Be well! I am looking forward to more time in the Rain in the next year.

Cal
6:59am • #34
JAN
05
2012
377,518 Points 17 Featured Posts Outside Blog Attended Rain Camp Called Shot Master

Hi Karen,

You were so young when you fell in love.  You grew as one.  I don't know how anyone recovers from a betrayal like that.

Maybe you could/should find a way to sneak off to Paris in 2012, even if only for a couple days.

God bless and thank you for sharing such a personal story.

Lisa
1:18pm • #35
JAN
06
2012
564,433 Points 10 Featured Posts Outside Blog Attended Rain Camp Called Shot Master

Karen Anne ~ It sure must be difficult because that day will always come again.  But remember it's only a day and not the actual act of what happened.  My heart goes out to you.  Although I have never been married, I have a blazing past of cheating boyfriends.  Try to find something about the 31st and make a new memory that is happy. 
12:18am • #36
JAN
08
2012
135,703 Points 3 Featured Posts Outside Blog Called Shot Master

Karen Anne, I feel the pain too! It can be really crushing and destroy your self esteem. If I lived closer we would go out and have fun on that day, us girls could all get together, make some memories worth remembering, so we can occupy our minds with something else. But I know the MAGNITUDE of a memory like that and it's tough to get through. Hang in there sweetie! You are not alone. I've been there too!
11:48pm • #37
JAN
09
2012
965,056 Points 60 Featured Posts Outside Blog Called Shot Master

I just needed to talk... the night I wrote this.  Everything seemed to be "coming at me" that night.  And heck... I wasn't even drinking... LOL.

There are just some nights when no matter what you do... the memories seem to be like my own personal tornado.  I was just trying to find a storm seller... and luckily, I just knew I could depend on all my Active Rain friends.  Thank you all so much.
12:38am • #38
179,072 Points 1 Featured Post Outside Blog Called Shot Master

Karen - How brave of you to be so vulnerable and share this with us on AR. I'm sure there are others feeling what you feel. I'm sorry you had to experience so much hurt especially at the hands of a loved one.

My prayer for you is something will come along to make that day joyful for you once again for each day is a gift.

Here's to many fabulous days in 2012!
10:11am • #39

Karen Anne, you sweet angel.  I can feel you here, once I was deceived too and felt utterly busted.  I'm glad you came to AR for your storm shelter as you so eloquently put it.  Cheer up girlie, you are loved!
6:30pm • #40
JAN
13
2012
227,099 Points 2 Featured Posts Attended Rain Camp Called Shot Master

Karen Anne, I am glad you are OK now. Here is some storm for you, sorry that it's not a seller. Have a great weekend.

 
2:04am • #41
JAN
16
2012
236,294 Points 9 Featured Posts Outside Blog Called Shot Master

Ugh.  That just makes me sad and hurt for you Karen Anne.  I have some expletives I want to say, but I don't know if they would be appropriate :-) -Kasey
12:34am • #42
JAN
27
2012
793,627 Points 5 Featured Posts Outside Blog Attended Rain Camp Called Shot Master

Thanks for sharing such a personal story. Betrayal is such a deep cut. I am praying for your healing and restoration, for God to help you transition from permanently broken to eternally renewed.
10:07pm • #43
793,627 Points 5 Featured Posts Outside Blog Attended Rain Camp Called Shot Master

Karen, keep the good memories and specifically choose to "erase over" the others. Few people enjoy any years of joy together. Think of the good parts as favorite chapters in a good book-and just "burn" the rest of those not-so-good chapters away.
10:40pm • #44
JAN
29
2012
473,131 Points 34 Featured Posts Called Shot Master

I love reading your blogs and you are so helpful to everyone else. I wish I could just give you a big hug.
10:12pm • #45

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Fort Worth Real Estate - - - Karen Anne Stone

Fort Worth, TX

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Address: Serving the entire Dallas/Fort Worth Metroplex, Dallas/Fort Worth, TX

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The Real Estate Market in Fort Worth and Tarrant County offers such a great value to both "first time" and "move up" buyers. Karen Anne's blog gives you up-to-date market news, and features many of the great homes available at great prices !


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