How do you help an alcoholic when he does not want to admit he is one?

Drunks can be the hardest to deal with ... I have been there with an employee and it is very tough ... I did not seem to be able to help ... sometimes you can't.

Best of Luck

Would you rather lose a friend because you tried to help him, or lose a friend because he was killed in a car accident driving drunk, and you did nothing to stop it?

If it means enough to you to write about it on a real estate blog for answers, I think that its obvious you want to help.

STEP IN AND HELP!

Donald,

This is a terrible thing and there is really very little anyone can do. My mom long ago (and in another country) was a psychiatrist and she was involved with evaluating alcoholics for admission for the treatment with some strong medication, which could kill the patient, if they try alcohol. She was a single mom, so she often took me with her, and I have seen alcoholics, and this was terrible. She used to tell me that there is no way to cure someone, who does not want to do it. It is really difficult even when people want to get clean. The will is the first thing that gets damaged. I saw how the patient walks from a doctor after a session, where he very sincerely swore that he would never drink again, and outside of the doctors office was offered a drink, and he could not resist. There are several stages of the disease (if this is a disease), and they only get worse and they actually result in death.

Unfortunately, I also have a friend right now, who is a heavy drinker, and does not acknowledge it. Everyone knows it, friends do not want to invite him and his wonderful wife, as nobody likes ugly scenes. We all worrying that he can lose a job... And this is a very kind and good hearted individual. Really sad. I do not touch this because he does not want to hear. I can't help and it hurts.

Unfortunately if a person will not admit they need help nothing can be done to help them.  If it was me I would be there for my friend...I would let him/her know that you will be there when they are ready for help. I would be there for his wife and children.  I think there is a support group similar to AA for the spouses and children of alcoholics who are in denial....have his wife check this out, it may help her.  Maybe you as a friend could attend these meetings and get some helpful advice from people who have been there.

There's not much I can add to the comments alrady made.  I, too, would try to do as much as I could for him.  He might say he wants you out, but I'm sure his family wants you there for support.  Good Luck.

Unfortuneately Don, you can not help them unless they are ready. I know from personal experience. You can be there for them, or try to tell them how much they are hurting you, their family, etc, but unless they admit it, there is nothing you can do. The same is also true for someone using drugs.  I have been through it with a couple people.  One was a younger person who we will call Sam.  There were times he was asked to stop, times he was yelled out, threatened, cried to, nothing reached him. Although everytime you talked to him, it was "Yes I am going to quit" Eventually, he did (but not until he was ready).  Thank God. 

The 2nd case was an older women who we will call Elizabeth.  She really did not drink much when she was young but got hooked up in the social world of having a cocktail before dinner.  Unfortunately the cocktail that she acquired a taste for was a martini.  She ended up in the hospital and almost died.  Went to a rehab and signed herself out. Continued to drink but said she was cutting down to beer.  Her youngest son used to throw the stuff down the drain.  She was begged to stop, told she would die, and still did not stop.  At 57 she died; but not before saying "I wish I would of known" The young son now has a problem with alcohol. 

An true alcoholic has to hit rock bottom to realize what it is doing to them.  That can be by health, threat of jail, loss of family or job.  Even if they quit, the disease keeps progressing, so that if they start again they will drink as much or more.  Please remember that it is an illness. Be there for him and his family and say alot of prayers.

The only thing I can think to add to what has already been said is to make sure his kids know your phone number and that they have a cell phone.  Tell them they can call you anytime for a ride if their dad has been drinking.  The only way to protect them in this I think is to step in so they don't have to be passengers.  Then if you can get his keys and him in your car too.  If he won't go with you, make a call to the local police and notify them that he is about to be driving drunk.

Don,

I think there is a risk being proactive. Though it sounds right, but you can alienate your friend to the point, that you would not ever be able to help. They sense that something is wrong, even if they do not acknowledge that the problem is in them, not in the people or circumstances around. But they get to the point when they can't stop, yet they are scared to death to accept it. The denial is obvious. So, at this time they divide the people around into "friends" and "enemies". And your attempt to interfere pushes you into the enemy lines. They think you betray them.

However, he may find himself in the corner rather soon, and then he might need you. You can't help as an enemy, but you can as a friend.

Don,

Yours was an old post, but I am moved to respond.

We can each help ourselves, and those of us in relationships with alcoholics need that to do just that.  It does not really matter what the relationship might be, parent, child, sibling, spouse, or friend.  Their drinking hurts us!

I have been dealing with that issue personally and successfully for almost 20 years in Al-Anon.  (www.al-anon.org)

Al-Anon is an organization of friends and family members of alcoholics.  We work the same 12 steps used by AA but apply them to ourselves and our issues.  It works!

AlAnon is a great organization for families of alcoholics.  I think you can express your support for the person or his family and provide guidance.  But, I have yet to see an alcoholic accept recovery until they have hit their personal bottom and are ready for recovery.  There are doctors, lawyers, real estate professionals, etc. who are very successful and who are functioning alcoholics.  Although it is a popular image that alcoholics are skid row bums, there are many more that are as typical as your friend.  There is an easy test to drive home the point.  Drink 2 and only 2 drinks per night over a week.  If you can't stop at 2 drinks, then you might just have a problem.