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"Expel the best" - How to Blow a Career with MLS Bloopers

By
Real Estate Agent with Sotheby's International Realty BRE # 01362887

Something may have been rotten in the State of Denmark, but the MLS isn’t smelling much better.  Check out these stinkers and clinkers from the MLS and other real estate ads  if you’re in the mood for a few giggles:

Something Seems Amiss…

“One moth incentive” (Do you wave wool sweaters before their little eyes?)

“Come see a good hose” (All I see is a dumb hoser.)

“This yer special” (Aww, yer special, too… in a really slow kind of way.)

“Ice cram served”  (That’s even too kinky for me…and I live in L.A.!)

“$10k bonus to close end” (Have you tried the “ice cram”? That oughta close your end!) 

Now I’m really Confused

“Drawwing for fre tip” (Here’s a “fre tip”: Try removing your baseball mitt when you type.)

“Out with the old, usher in the mew” (Interesting - ice the old broad and then buy a cat?)

“Prussians can stay” (…So said the Germans, but how’s that workin’ out for ‘em now?)

“Dog hole will be fixed” (I believe it’s their protrusions that require alteration…)

“Turn R at chich” (…Got stoned with Chong?)

“Water dramage” (That’s what I said to the bartender when he put too much water in my scotch.)

“Too mush to desscribe” (That’s what I said when he bent over in his tight jeans.)

This Week’s Faves:

“Windy path” (You must be describing my Uncle Paddy’s boxer shorts.)

"Expel the best" (I believe that is an Irish farting game, no?)

“Invisible wall of gass” (That’s what we call my Uncle Paddy after a few beers and a sausage.)

That's all until next Friday, folks. In the meantime - Spell and Sell!

For more real estate humor, please visit Gwen at www.sherlockofhomes.blogspot.com/ or Agent Genius. For all your real estate needs, please go to www.LAhomesite.com.  

Conrad Allen
Re/Max Professional Associates - Webster, MA
Webster, Ma, Realtor

Hi Gwen - Typing with a baseball mitt cracked me up.  Am I on skype?

Jan 14, 2012 10:43 PM
Jay Markanich
Jay Markanich Real Estate Inspections, LLC - Bristow, VA
Home Inspector - servicing all Northern Virginia

These are too much!  I had to expel the best, but my favorite was a little disconcerting.

Instead of the suggestion there, can I ice the old broad and buy a dog?  I'm kind of a dog guy.  The ones that include the protrusions...

Jan 14, 2012 10:59 PM
Dick & Sandy Beals
Wilmington Real Estate 4U Wilmington, NC - Wilmington, NC

Gwen,

You get better!  I would not have believed it, but you do. 

Dick Beals

Jan 15, 2012 12:44 AM
Gwen Banta
Sotheby's International Realty - Los Angeles, CA

Yes, Conrad - I'm watching you. Cute boxers!

Jan 15, 2012 05:26 AM
Gwen Banta
Sotheby's International Realty - Los Angeles, CA

Jay, a cat is a "mew," so if you can find a dog that mews....

Jan 15, 2012 05:35 AM
Gwen Banta
Sotheby's International Realty - Los Angeles, CA

Dick, can you please dump Sandy and come to L.A? (I'm teasing, Sandy - please don't hurt me. :-) 

Jan 15, 2012 05:42 AM
Steven Cook
No Longer Processing Mortgages. - Tacoma, WA

Gwen -- I must read too much literature set in England, as I thought "mew" was one of the houses built aroung an open yard or alley.  Still not sure why you would want to usher in a mew though.

Jan 16, 2012 06:30 AM
Gwen Banta
Sotheby's International Realty - Los Angeles, CA

You are right, Steven - it is. Unfortunately this listing was from somewhere in the U.S. Do you think they were suggesting that we "usher in" more British-influenced neighborhood development for our narrow alleyways? Perhaps with cat murals? :)

Jan 16, 2012 06:39 AM
Jane Peters
Home Jane Realty - Los Angeles, CA
Los Angeles real estate concierge services

I came by for my weekly giggle.  Thanks, Gwen.

Jan 16, 2012 01:33 PM
Gwen Banta
Sotheby's International Realty - Los Angeles, CA
Janet, I often experience tears myself...mostly from sadness :)
Jan 16, 2012 02:57 PM
Gwen Banta
Sotheby's International Realty - Los Angeles, CA
Jane, now that I think about it , on a certain level, it's sad that I inspire sardonic laughter ...but I guess that's okay as long as it's not coming from one of my dates :)
Jan 16, 2012 03:39 PM
Pacita Dimacali
Alain Pinel - Oakland, CA
Alameda/Contra Costa Counties CA

Gwen

This is hysterical! Ice cram, indeed! Really need to laugh more often...and be careful a lot!

Thanks for this series. I truly look forward to a humongous belly laugh.

Jan 16, 2012 06:37 PM
Peggy Hughes/pha logistix, inc.
pha logistix inc - San Francisco, CA
SF NYC LA

Gwen... I'm so glad that Pacita Dimacali re-blogged this so I could have such a great few moments of hysterical laughter!  And, I'm with Margaret, #7, your commentary just adds so much :)

Jan 16, 2012 06:59 PM
Gwen Banta
Sotheby's International Realty - Los Angeles, CA

Pacita, that "ice cram" thing gave me nightmares! I picture an evil Good Humor man lurking about the neighborhood offering free Popsicles to the unsuspecting. Of course, as you know, my mind often wanders to the Theatre of the Absurd...

Jan 16, 2012 07:20 PM
Gwen Banta
Sotheby's International Realty - Los Angeles, CA

Peggy, welcome aboard the blooper train! I post these every Friday just so we can all start the weekend with a few laughs.

Jan 16, 2012 07:25 PM
Bernadette Arzu
Serving Sugar Land, Missouri City, Richmond and Pearland - Sugar Land, TX
Broker-Associate, Keller Williams Realty SW

LOL. 

Jan 16, 2012 07:36 PM
Sally K. & David L. Hanson
EXP Realty 414-525-0563 - Brookfield, WI
WI Real Estate Agents - Luxury - Divorce

Real life and real MLS is a great source of entertainment....ahhh for a proofreader...but then, we wouldn't have such entertaining blogs !

Jan 16, 2012 10:41 PM
Gwen Banta
Sotheby's International Realty - Los Angeles, CA

Bernadette, thanks for reading!

Sally and David,  there are so many bloopers I can't even include because they look like an explosion of Alphabet Soup. It makes me wonder if someone fell asleep and their head hit the keyboard!

Jan 17, 2012 06:18 AM
Broker Patty Da Silva Da Silva
Green Realty Properties® - 954-667-7253 - Cooper City, FL
Top Listing Broker

Gwen,

$10k bonus to close end

I would think that one would offer 10k for an open end.. but what do I know.

Jan 21, 2012 10:42 AM
Gwen Banta
Sotheby's International Realty - Los Angeles, CA

Patty, perhaps you should give that hapless agent a sound talking-to!

Jan 26, 2012 07:28 AM