How To Be The World's Most Annoying Real Estate Agent

Now, many of you will recognize a colleague or two in this post.  But will you recognize yourself?  I actually inspired a couple of these, though I won't say which ones!  So, here goes:

Drive a really expensive car with only two seats, and make your clients drive their Honda when you go out house hunting.   Not me.  But someone I know. It's a fabulous vehicle.  He should get a second car that will hold at least two passengers.

Drive like a lunatic so they would rather drive their car or do just about anything else rather than get into any car when their agent is behind the wheel.  There was a top producing agent in the DC area who was notorious.  She never had an accident, but I had a near death experience the one time I sat in the suicide seat in her Mercedes.

Misplace their earnest money check.  I almost did this today, and I spend an hour in complete panic mode - it was a huge check and good grief!  If I was careless enough to lose a huge check, what else will they expect me to screw up.  I found it, and my newly organized desk did make things easier.

Have a Car Office that looks like my home office did before I morphed into a neat desk freak.  I've seen agents' cars strewn with papers (including clients' financial information sheets), food that was turning into a cure for the next plague, even (God forbid) cigarette butts.  Don't smoke in your real estate car, folks!

Smell like smoke or strong perfume.  Smokers, even fastidious smokers, can get pretty stinky.  But too much of a good smell can be just as bad.  I've had a few clients who had allergies to perfume so I never wear it while working.

Clear out your messy car, stuff everything into your trunk so the car looks spotless, and then have a flat tire.  Of course, all of the junk has to come out of the trunk so you can get to the spare tire.  That happened to me once, and it was pretty humiliating. 

Show up late for appointments.  This is even more annoying if the agent gets huffy when clients are even a couple of minutes late.

Try to regale clients with funny real estate stories.  Don't do this.  Instead, let them talk!  Listen to what they say!  Feed it back to them to be sure you're hearing it right, and then it will make your job a lot easier! If you want to tell funny stories about your real estate practice, write a book!

Between the time you write the offer and the date of settlement, bad mouth the agent on the other side of the deal.  No, no!  This person is your new best friend, at least as far as your client is concerned.  I don't care if he or she is the village idiot and a sleezer to boot!  If that's the case, your job is to shield your clients from them.

Tell lies.  First, you'll probably get caught.  But even if you don't, keeping your stories straight will increase your stress level.  This even applies to little white lies.  Getting caught in a white lie will destroy your credibility with clients and colleagues.  

This is not intended to be a complete list.  You're welcome to suggest any additions!