All week I've been receiving emails from other agents who subscribe to the Sacramento MLS. They are commenting on my marketing comments for a particular short sale and laughing. I feel it is appropriate to use a little bit of humor in real estate. That's because I am a troublemaker. See, I own it, straight up. You can't be an effective Sacramento short sale agent and not be a little bit rebellious. I tend to buck the system. It's in my nature.
When a short sale bank asked me if I would call a seller and list this short sale, I agreed. I had no idea of the condition of the property. Is condition important, you might ask? Not really, because in a short sale price is king. As long as the price reflects the condition, somebody will buy it. Of course, the price needs to satisfy the bank as well, which means somewhere near market.
I remember a water-soaked property from several years ago as a result of pipes bursting. Mold growing the size of basketballs. Seems like every few years pipes freeze in Sacramento and explode. I have another home in Orangevale that got flooded yesterday. But somebody will buy it. Eventually. People, you've gotta keep the heat on! I know that sellers of short sales want to cut expenses, especially when the home is vacant, but for crying out loud, don't turn off the heat!
If your home floods, I'll have to be creative. You see, it's not every day a real estate agent experiences the luxury of being completely honest in her advertising. Most of the time, we are trying to lure buyers into a home. We aren't trying to sell the home online, as some people think. We're trying to get the buyer inside. Once the buyer gets inside, we hope the buyer will be overjoyed, and overcome with excitement enough to plunk down a deposit. We rely on emotions to sell homes.
However, this home is not one of those. I was expecting something completely different. The exterior is deceiving. It's actually pretty cute, stucco and stone with a fenced front yard. I was unprepared when I walked inside. You might think I can't really advertise a property this way and sell it, but that would be an incorrect assumption. I already have 2 offers. My description reads:
FIXER UPPER. SOLD 'AS IS.' FEATURING ROTTING PUMPKINS SQUISHED INTO LIVING ROOM CARPET, COMPLETE WITH A BUSTED-UP LAWN MOWER SITUATED NEXT TO THE LOVELY FIREPLACE. SOME DOORS AND KITCHEN CABINETS BASHED, AND A DRAWER MISSING, BUT YOU'LL PROBABLY WANT TO GUT THE KITCHEN ANYWAY. WARNING: DON'T OPEN THE REFRIGERATOR OR SNIFF THE MURKY WATERS OF THE ABANDONED FISH TANK.
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