Beowulf $$$, but because you must see it in 3-D, $$$$

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$$$$$ = Put down everything and drive to the nearest theater.

$$$$ = You won’t regret paying for theater tickets.

$$$ = Wait for DVD.

$$ = Wait for someone else to get it on DVD.

$ = Send a friend as a practical joke.

This isn't your great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather' Beowulf! This one has Angelina Jolie's naked boobs as drawn by some computer animator who spends a lot of time drawing Angelina Jolie's naked boobs. He probably couldn't believe the job description..."No way! I have thousands of drawings of naked boobs! Do you need any other parts?"

And I know I shouldn't lump every computer geek into the porn-surfing set, but I bet there's not many people who, if they had the talent to draw nice boobs, wouldn't use it. In Beowulf you get the kid-friendly, non-nippled breast, which is just ironic to me, because our new kid would totally reject that. But that's the standard, PG boobs MUST NOT HAVE NIPPLES!

The only way you'll see this movie--or at least the only way you'll want to see it-- is in digital 3-D. The animation is pretty darn cool, although there are a couple of times when the action gets a little rigid and looks like the Pegasus from Clash of the Titans. I would like to see the acting talent in this (Malkovich, Hopkins, Robin Wright Penn) do a live-action version, as the cartoon bit is more silly than plausible. But I'm guessing when the story was first told, dismembered bodies and burned corpses were a nice break from the reality of an everyday life of plague and haggis. So go, but go for fun, and beware of the PG-13 rating. It's not the boobs I'm worried about kids seeing, it's the extreme violence. By the end I think everyone gets impaled on something, sometimes just for comic relief.

Beware: English Lit majors will cringe at the absolute destruction of the original story. Grendel's mom doesn't get beheaded, but rather gets more of a Basic-Instinct-Sharon-Stone treatment.

Who Will Like This: Your kids will kill to see the violence. And men who own mini-trucks.

Secret to Better Enjoyment: The proper 3-D viewing device. That's another story.