17. List it for 200% of it's true value.
16. List it as a four bedroom instead of a three. When the buyers get there... SURPRISE! Only three!
15. Paint the entire inside bright yellow with a Sponge Bob theme throughout.
14. Get three giant angry dogs and leave them loose during showings.
13. Require one full week's notice for showings.
12. Draw three outlines of bodies with police tape across them on the living room carpet.
11. Stay home for the showings and sing show tunes to the buyers and their agent the entire time they are there. Remember to sing loudly and out of tune.
10. Boil a few dozen eggs right before the showing so the entire house smells like farts.
9. Have a bunch of friends over before the showing. Have each of them hide in a closet and scream each time a buyer opens the closet door.
8. Put the wrong keys in the lock box.
7. Stay home for the showing and follow the buyers around and tell them all the reasons you hate living there.
6. Do #7 again, but make sure you just ate something really garlicky and talk very close to them.
5. Leave a note on the table that says to be careful in bedroom four, but don't leave a reason why.
4. If it's during the summer, lay out during the showing wearing only a purple speedo and a swim cap. Oh, make sure that you have your Def Leppard CD cranked up too.
3. Put up an old spooky picture on the fridge. On a post-it note below it write: RIP Aunt Mildred. You will be missed when we finally move. We hope you enjoy haunting the new owners for the next 150 years.
2. Leave a note for the buyers asking them to "please excuse the mess" in the attic. Go on to explain just how hard it is to remove all of the black mold, but you're almost there.
1. Stay for the showing, put on your helmet made out of tin foil, and sit on the couch and stare at the TV the entire time without moving or blinking. (The blinking part is very important!)
Okay, that's all I can think of today. Hope you laughed. Time to get back to work!