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If Vampires were Real Estate Agents

By Dee Nofziger

Real Estate Agent with |Key Realty | Maumee Toledo Real Estate Blog 2004001400

February 17, 2012 05:14 AM

If Vampires were Real Estate Agents ... Okay, I admit it. I'm a Vampire Junkie. "Twilight" - all four books and all of the movies. "Vampire Diaries" on TV. "Dark Shadows" in the '60s, in the 90's and can't wait for Johnny Depp's portrayal of Barnabus Collins coming to the big screen soon. "Underworld" with Kate Beckinsale. Yep, that one, too. "Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter" books and many many others. "Being Human" (both the US and British versions). Pretty much anything and everything vampire grabs my attention. Not sure why, but I think it's because when I was a kid I was not allowed under any circumstances to watch scary stuff - so of course when I was old enough to choose for myself, I chose ... right, SCARY! Scary VAMPIRES!

But today's Vampire charActers aren't very scary. They're more like humans with issues. So as I watching "Being Human" on Netflix the other night, I got to thinking ... What if Vampires were Real Estate agents? vampire real estate agents

They would totally rock the sales. Why? Simple. Read on ...

When a buyer wanted to lowball an offer, a vampire could simply compel them with their mind into a more reasonable offer.
When a seller wanted to list way above market value, again, compulsion of their mind to a fair market value.
No worries about dangerous vacant homes in high crime areas. Vampires have FANGS! Nobody would mess with them!
If a buyer wanted to know what the roof looked like, VOILA, a vampire could just JUMP on the roof and check it out!
No more unruly lockboxes and keys that don't work. A vampire would just flick their fingers and that darn lockbox would fall to the ground. No worries about burglars getting in once the house was unsecure either. A Vampire Real Estate Agent would simply leave a note saying "DO NOT ENTER by order of Vladimir the Real Estate Vampire." (Who would defy someone named Vladimir?)
According to Movies, TV, and books, apparently vampires are fun to party with, so agents would actually show up to all those Board of Realtor events.
A Realtor"s work is never done, so it would be great to be a vampire and never have to SLEEP.
Vampires always seem to drive great cars

and last, but not least ...

If another agent ticks you off and you are tired of compelling them to do the right thing, you can just bite them. Drastic measures for drastic times.

vampire real estate agents

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Mona Gersky

MoonDancer Realty, Dillsboro,NC - Sylva, NC

GRI,IMSD-Taking the mystery out of real estate.

Dee, as an admitted "Buffy, The Vampire Slayer" addict - I can say I totally love this post. Since other than blood, vampires don't need to eat and since we rarely have time for scheduled healthy meals, that should suit them just fine. The ONLY challenge I see is the daylight thing!

Feb 17, 2012 05:19 AM

Dee Nofziger

|Key Realty | Maumee Toledo Real Estate Blog - Toledo, OH

Maumee Real Estate, Toledo Homes, Key Realty

Well Mona, in the Vampire Diaries Stefan and Damon have special rings that allow them out in daylight. And I forgot about BUFFY. Thanks for the reminder. Netflix, here I come!

Feb 17, 2012 05:31 AM

Pacita Dimacali

Alain Pinel - Oakland, CA

Alameda/Contra Costa Counties CA

Dee

When I was growing up, the vampire movies totally scared me. I used to go to bed with the cross from my rosary resting squareley on my neck.

Later --- I had a morbid fascination after seeing Frank Langella (one of the sexiest Draculas ever!) I didn't really get hooked until Vampire Diaries (especially the razor-sharp and comic retorts). And yes, at my age, I'm on Team Jacob (Twilight series).

And like you, I wish we had that special power to compel our clients to understand, take action, be forceful, be fearless, be decisive.....

Feb 17, 2012 05:35 AM

Lane Bailey

Century 21 Results Realty - Suwanee, GA

Realtor & Car Guy

But compelling the other agents wouldn't work so well if they were vampires, too. Then it would resort to a blood spilling 3D rumble. ;^ )=

Feb 17, 2012 05:49 AM

Francine Viola

Coldwell Banker Evergreen Olympic Realty, Olympia WA - Olympia, WA

REALTOR®, In Tune with your Real Estate Needs

There are times I would love to be a vampire as these transactions would go sooo much smoother! However I love garlic so that may be a problem for me!

Feb 17, 2012 09:50 AM

Caprice Couselle Realtor Morristown Homes For Sale

Keller Williams Realty - Morristown, NJ

First Time Home Buyers,Relocation,Horse Farms

Maybe the agents that always seem to get their sellers to price their home at market value,really are vampires and just hide it so well. Thanks for pointing out their behavior. I must pay them a visit and use the bathroom as a ruse while searching for their coffin. And the listing presentation: are you going to list with Blood Sucking Realty or are you going to list with me.

Caprice

Feb 17, 2012 01:21 PM

If Vampires were Real Estate Agents

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