My message to all Realtors® across this great land is quite clear: It is time to START A WAR! Not tomorrow, not next month, not next year...I WANT TO SEE PILLOW FIGHTS TODAY!
We have heard for years now that Realtors® hold grudges against each other. Every year, we hear about how next year the grudges won't exist and Realtors® can live at peace with one another. Now we are hearing a new version of that yet again from the current NAR President and we currently have MORE REALTORS® with licenses than ever before. Local boards are more fractured then ever before!
Well, the right strategy before all the slander and post-back stabbing is the same: START BEATING THE HECK OUT OF EACH OTHER WITH PILLOWS NOW!
If the current president of the NAR doesn't want to start a Massive Pillow Fight, when I am president of the NAR, I will!
My three-step plan would:
1. Gather all the Realtors® into one large event room
2. Work to bring stability to the local boards
3. Replace resentment and slander amongst Realtors® with MIGHTY BLOWS from all kinds of pillows from around the world and secure the future of all Realtors!
The most important part of my plan is to gather all the Realtors® into one large event room. As president of the NAR one of my first official actions would be to send out faxes to all Realtors® detailing an open house that will PROVIDE FREE FOOD and a SUBSTANTIAL CASH DRAWING. This is a GUARANTEED way to get Realtors® to show up. The only problem I foresee is if there is a big enough building to hold all of us. It's gonna need to be a BIG ONE! We may just check and see if the Mojave Desert is available.
Next, I will bring stability to the local boards by giving each Realtor® a pillow along with instructions on how to use it.
Finally, I would direct all Realtors® - whether discounter or full service - to go seek out and engage the Realtor® that has most royally ticked them off throughout the year and pound the heck out of him/her with their pillow. This strategy would allow each Realtor® to relieve tons of built of frustration and help create a more stable Board of Realtors®.
My plan has 3 specific goals:
1. Non-interference: Let Realtors® just pound the heck out of each other. I am not aware of anyone being beaten to death by a pillow.
2. Mediation: Realtors® that are allergic to goose feathers will be allowed to voice their allergies prior to the PILLOW FIGHT and we shall seek out compromises on fundamental/medical points of dispute.
3. Post-clean up Funding: A small "love offering" will be collected to help offset the cost of cleaning the event center after we are finished. Additional contributions will be raised by allowing Realtors to bid on who they would most like to pound with their pillows. I am good for at least 1 million dollars from my local board alone! Many local Realtors® at my board would pay good money to pound me a few good times! You have my word on it!
As our Realtor® forces prepare to engage in this Pillow Fight, I will also organize ticket sales for the general public and sell off the rights to CNN, ESPN, Discovery Channel, Cartoon Network, The History Channel (this will definitely make history) and other various cable networks.
I anticipate a huge demand for this event. I also anticipate a very loud outcry from the general public to be able to participate in beating the heck out of the Realtor® of their choosing at all future events.
As your next President of the NAR, I vow to devote all the resources necessary to promote this PILLOW FIGHT and bring it to fruition.
Remember my campaign slogan:
;)
Links;)
Tags (Tag Cloud);)
Archives
TOO FUNNY Jessica!! I love it. There are definitely more than a few agents who I'd like to beat for an hour or so. That would be worth at least a few hundred to me. ;-)