Telemarketer Repellent
1. If they say they're John Doe from company XYZ, ask them to spell
their name. Then ask them to spell the company's name. Then ask them where
the company's located, how long it has been in business, how many people
work there, how they got into this line of business, if they are married,
how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or
questions about their company for as long as necessary.
2. Say "no" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one and
keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is the most
fun if you can do it until they hang up.
3. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and
Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't have any
friends, would you be my friend?" ;-)
4. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you
asked, because no one seems to care these days, and I have all these
problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog has the
gout,..."
5. If the company cleans rugs, respond, "Can you get out blood? Can
you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"
6. Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if
he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her
back. When the telemarketer explains that telemarketers can't give out
their home phone numbers say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you
at home, right?" The telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me either!" Hang
up.
7. Ask them to repeat everything they say several times.
8. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon playing a joke.
"Come on Lee, cut it out! Seriously, Lee, how's your mom?"
9. Tell them you're hard of hearing and they need to speak
up...louder...louder...
10. When the salesperson asks, "Is this the homeowner?" say, "Is this
the salesperson?" And when they say, "Yes," hang up.
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