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Rule #3 (of Elizabeth's R.E. Rule Book) IF YOU WANT ME TO SELL YOUR LISTING...I HAVE TO BE ABLE TO SHOW IT!

By Elizabeth Nieves

Real Estate Agent with The Elizabeth Nieves Realty Group 209227

November 30, 2007 05:27 AM

Dear Mr. Listing Agent,

Although we have not yet met...you have been the source of great inspiration for me. Oh YES...that is why I am writing you today. You see...I'm dedicating a whole chapter just to you...as you have contributed so much valuable material to my (yet-to-be-published) R.E. Rule Book. Rest assured that I will reserve an autographed copy just for you; however, I'll give you an exclusive, never-before-seen, sneak peek right now.

I sincerely hope that you will enjoy reading Elizabeth's R.E. Rule Book and recommend it to all of your friends. As you read, you may even recognize THEIR contribution to this chapter, as well.

Thanks again for ALL of that you have personally done to make Elizabeth's R.E. Rule Book a reality!

Warmest regards,

Elizabeth Nieves

Rule #3: IF YOU WANT ME TO SELL YOUR LISTING...I HAVE TO BE ABLE TO SHOW IT!

(Rule #3 is such an important and complex rule...I have broken it down into FIVE parts.)

A. IF YOU WANT ME TO SELL YOUR LISTING...PLEASE TAKE PICTURES!

Okay...Mr. Listing Agent...I feel as though I need to remind you that this is 2007...almost 2008. Digital cameras are dirt cheap, and even the most technologically disadvantaged agent can learn to operate one. Buy a digital camera and take pictures. IF you don't have pictures on your MLS listing, I'm probably going to click past it. Sorry...but I am easily distracted by all the pretty pictures. Besides...(and please don't be offended)...IF your listing is so wonderful...why won't you show me a picture?

B. IF YOU WANT ME TO SELL YOUR LISTING...PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME WAIT THREE DAYS TO SHOW IT!

You know who you are, don't you? I know you do! This one is just for you...Mr. Listing Agent...who asks for 72 hours notice before I can schedule an appointment to show your listing. And...OH NO...your 72 hour notice does not apply to just one listing...it is your STANDARD SHOWING POLICY. Please understand that my clients will be under contract on another home within 72 hours...and your listing will still be on the market. Just a suggestion...you may want to consider a NEW POLICY!

C. IF YOU WANT ME TO SELL YOUR LISTING...PLEASE GIVE ME ACCURATE DIRECTIONS!

YES...I can read a map...but I assume that you can also. It is, after all, YOUR listing. Am I wrong to expect that YOU will know the best and fastest route to take to YOUR listing? I REALLY want to show your listing. You took such lovely pictures! Just please...PLEASE...give me good directions. And...if it is NOT too much to ask...could you also spell the neighborhood and street names correctly? That is so helpful...in the event that your directions lead me into the great and glorious unknown. (OH YES...that place does exists...I've been there while looking for your listings.)

D. IF YOU WANT ME TO SELL YOUR LISTING...PLEASE DON'T HIDE THE LOCKBOX FROM ME!

When I was a little girl, I LOVED Easter egg hunts. What wonderful memories I have of searching for the cleverly hidden eggs...the delight I felt when I discovered a brightly, colored treasure. I'm over that now. I assure you that I do not enjoy playing 'Hide-n-Seek' the combination lockbox...nor 'Lockbox Marco Polo'. And...if you feel that you MUST place the lockbox somewhere other than the front door...would you please be so kind to make a note of its location in your showing instructions.

One last thing...for those of you who do place the lockbox on the front door (but forget to give the combination to the showing service)...could you just NOT do that? Or...at the very least...will you please call me back with the combination when I call to inform you that I wish to show your listing?

E. IF YOU WANT ME TO SELL YOUR LISTING...PLEASE WARN ME IF YOUR SELLERS ARE FREAKS!

Mr. Listing Agent...I truly understand that you work for your client. I promise that I will never ask you to compromise your fiduciary duty; however, I would very much appreciate a little warning if your client is a freak.

IF your client is a recluse who has not been out of his home in five years...I would like to know.

IF your client is prejudice and has threatened to shoot if someone of color comes to his house...that is valuable information to me.

IF your client is on medication to control his violent outbursts...and he often forgets to take his medication...I need to know this!

IF your client is an exhibitionist...just a little mention in the agent only remarks is all I'm asking.

IF your client verbally or physically threatened the last agent who attempted to show his home...please share this information with me.

IF your client has a large attack dog who answers the door...you must give me warning. (This rule also applies to reptiles of all kinds.)

And finally...IF you are afraid to be alone with your client...or you feel the need to 'pack' a weapon when you visit your listing...PLEASE forget about me and save yourself. (You should be ashamed of your greedy self for taking that listing in the first place, but get out while you still can.)

Written and Posted by:

Elizabeth Nieves - Broker, REALTOR® -- The Elizabeth Nieves Realty Group @ Keller Williams (A Bilingual Real Estate Team serving Raleigh, Durham, Chapel Hill NC and surrounding areas.)

Visit our website at http://www.elizabethnieves.com

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Stefan Scholl

Buyer's Broker of Northern Michigan, LLC - Petoskey, MI

Northern Michigan Real Estate

Very funny, Elizabeth. Can I send this to all of the listing agents in my area? :-)

Nov 30, 2007 05:50 PM

Gary McNinch

Better Properties Real Estate - Renton, WA

Broker, Renton WA Real Estate

Eliz - Wow girl, you crack me up, fell off the couch laughing...

Ok, so we call the phone to show number, no answer, that means ok go take a look, get to the house and there is the broken sign falling over in the yard. We approach the house and I see a big dog dish.... Then the lockbox has fallen off the porch rail (why can't they put it on the door knob) .. oh the door knob was broken...

Finally get inside..... at that point I tell my buyers ... don't take your shoes off in this one.... start across the dirty carpet and find a streak of dog poop on the way to the kitchen. (at least I hope it was only dog poop) Lights off, house a mess, stinky. We left....

Serves me right for not previewing (but the buyer threw it in at the last minute).... Worst part of the story is the Listing Agent is the OWNER. I guess when she didn't get the lockbox on the broken front door she didn't go in to see what the renter was doing..... Small company, no training, but only $200 per month to have her license there.

You are marvelous.....

List and Sell (and write books too) Gary

www.RentonHomeFinder.com

Nov 30, 2007 06:06 PM

Erby Crofutt

B4 U Close Home Inspections&Radon Testing (www.b4uclose.com) - Lexington, KY

The Central Kentucky Home Inspector, Lexington KY

It is so strange the people and personalities we run into in the real estate business.

Some really funny, some really sad, and some enough to make you mad.

Nov 30, 2007 11:12 PM

Andrew Trevino

ADT Real Estate - Wilkes Barre, PA

Wilkes-Barre Homes For Sale

Elizabeth,

Look who got the little gold star!!! Congrats on the feature. All of your posts deserve them. I was thinking about this post yesterday when I came across a listing with no picture, but the listing agent swears it's a gem. Listed in poor condition, yet the public comments say it's in move in condition. By appointment only, but you can only make an appointment by e-mail. It might take me 3 days to get a response. You see? It's not just your market.

Nov 30, 2007 11:42 PM

Elizabeth Nieves

The Elizabeth Nieves Realty Group - Durham, NC

Bilingual Raleigh - Durham North Carolina Real Estate Team

Kelly: You KNOW I will! I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Tracey: With this response...I HAVE to write one!! Thanks!

Antionette: THANKS, my friend! The first one is really funny also..I think!

Curt: You are so complimentary. I think this is my proof that I should follow my gut and write. I'll make sure you get a copy!

Candace: Don't worry...I'm not the victim type. I got a piece of him also...after the fact. I made sure that everyone knew to stay away from that home. They eventually had to do FSBO...but they never sold. Serves them right. AND...the reason they wanted to sell is because they felt that too many Hispanics were moving to their area. Does it make sense to you that they want to move because their neighborhood is becoming 'Hispanic' but they won't allow Hispanics to see their home for sale? I could not wrap my brain around that. Then I realized...it is because I'm sane. Luv ya girl!! Be blessed!!

Nov 30, 2007 11:59 PM

Elizabeth Nieves

The Elizabeth Nieves Realty Group - Durham, NC

Bilingual Raleigh - Durham North Carolina Real Estate Team

Denise: Thanks for stopping by!

Ryan: You're welcome! I like to see you smile!

Lupe: CIERTO...NO? We are a team...the listing agent and the buyer agent are working for the same goal...to get the home sold to the right buyer. Why is that so difficult for people to understand. You have a great week, also!!

Allen: YOU NAILED IT! The market is slow...so the listing agent goes into neutral...just cruising along. Does that make any sense to you? The market is slow...I'll kick my butt to make sure my sellers stand out above the crowd. :-)

Rick: I'm definitely including that one in the book!!!

Dec 01, 2007 12:09 AM

Elizabeth Nieves

The Elizabeth Nieves Realty Group - Durham, NC

Bilingual Raleigh - Durham North Carolina Real Estate Team

Josette: Isn't it kinda expected...I put my home on the market...strangers will come into my home. CONNECT THE DOTS ALREADY!!! HAHA

Rick: I know...so simple really. I have sent emails to agents...because I want everything in writing...only to have them tell me..."Well...I only check my email once a week." ARE YOU FREAKIN' KIDDIN' ME? I check my email 20 times a day. How do you do business like that?

Stefan: You can send it to anyone...no hay problema!! :-)

Gary: I'm picturing you falling off the sofa...great to know that you enjoyed it that much! I enjoyed writing it! Now your story...WOW! Dog poop, huh? Some listing agent... You know...if that is how she treats her own home (as far as getting it ready for market)...how much confidence would you place in her ability to market your home? YEAH! YOU are the wonderful one!!! Give your beautiful wifey a hug for me!

Erby: I go through ALL of those emotions everyday!!

Andrew: WOW!! It certainly makes you wonder, huh? (AND...I'm still smiling about your comment the other day about wanting to give me your gold star. You are a sweetie!!)

Dec 01, 2007 12:19 AM

Kelly Niro, SRES

Crossroads Realty - Barnegat, NJ

Liz

I think that these Agents need a course in how to keep your database customers current and in INFORMED! This is the year 2007, Technology is here, now and the future. The MLS is now on the computer and not in a book. Thanks for yet another laugh. Oh, and yes I second that flushing the toilet before you leave the house, my goodness, no surprises! The stories are great!

Dec 01, 2007 02:38 AM

Lane Bailey

Century 21 Results Realty - Suwanee, GA

Realtor & Car Guy

Let's see... Waiting period to see the homes... X'd off the list. Lockbox behind a locked screen door (had that one happen a couple of times)... X'd off the list. No pics... no visit. Sellers that hover... bye-bye. The LA that must be present at all showings, but won't answer the phone, return a call or make an appointment... and then doesn't show up for an appointment when finally nailed down... X'd off the list.

Dec 01, 2007 03:26 AM

Christina Moock

Cutler Real Estate - Canton, OH

REALTOR - Cutler Real Estate

Good post. I wish agents would warn us before showing a property beforehand that the electricity is off.

Dec 01, 2007 08:00 AM

Elizabeth Nieves

The Elizabeth Nieves Realty Group - Durham, NC

Bilingual Raleigh - Durham North Carolina Real Estate Team

Kelly: Glad you got a laugh!!

Lane: That list is shrinking pretty quickly, huh?? It occurs to me...that if WE don't put up with that behavior...they might just change it. Whatcha think??

Christina: OH! That's another good one!!

Michael: I'm glad you liked it! Michael...if you could see some of the places that I've 'found' the lockbox. One time...it was on a water spigot...that was behind prickly bushes. I mean...GIMME A BREAK!! I don't do prickly bushes! One time...and you are not going to believe me...the lockbox was under the house...in the crawlspace. WHY would anyone put it there? More importantly...WHAT makes a listing agent think that I'm gonna go under a dark crawlspace to get a lockbox. OH NO!!! They have obviously mistaken me for someone much more adventuresome. :-)

Dec 01, 2007 09:02 AM

Brian Wentz

Keller Williams Greater Des Moines - Des Moines, IA

Realtor - Des Moines Iowa Real Estate

This wouldn't be so funny, it is were not so true!! I am always amazed at what we encounter.

Dec 02, 2007 09:37 AM

Elizabeth Nieves

The Elizabeth Nieves Realty Group - Durham, NC

Bilingual Raleigh - Durham North Carolina Real Estate Team

Brian: The truth is so much stranger than fiction...right?? :-)

Dec 02, 2007 11:06 AM

Robert L. Brown

www.mrbrownsellsgr.com - Grand Rapids, MI

Grand Rapids Real Estate Bellabay Realty, West Mic

I read this again and it gave me a laugh. The things we go thru to sell a home.

Dec 02, 2007 01:20 PM

Rob Baldwin

US ECO-GREEN REAL ESTATE INC. - Santa Clarita, CA

REALTOR, Santa Clarita

Elizabeth, I think that if they do not comply with rule #3 they should have to under go shock therapy. =8)

Dec 10, 2007 07:18 AM

Elizabeth Nieves

The Elizabeth Nieves Realty Group - Durham, NC

Bilingual Raleigh - Durham North Carolina Real Estate Team

Rob: HeeHee...who is going to be the ONE to administer the 'therapy'?? NOT ME!!! Thanks for stopping by!!

Dec 10, 2007 08:35 AM

Kristin Hunteman

True Title Company - Clayton, MO

Escrow Closing Officer

Amen to that -- five times over.

Nov 12, 2008 03:21 AM

Crystal Ledbetter

Texas Home Group - Montgomery, TX

I have several agents I would like to send this to.

Dec 09, 2008 03:49 PM

Kathy Toth

Ann Arbor Market Center Keller Williams - Ann Arbor, MI

Ann Arbor Real Estate Experts - Kathy Toth Team

I laughed harder and harder after reading each one of these. The sad thing is that there are so many agents out there who actually need to be told these things.

Kathy

Jan 30, 2009 07:42 AM

Sheila H. Bragg, ABR

ERA Southeast Coastal Real Estate - Guyton, GA

I just cut a listing loose because of this. The man is a recluse and he wouldn't let ME, this listing agent into his mobile home (rust-bucket tuna can) because he had antiques stored in there. And Heaven forbid, I might steal them. I took this listing because the man worked with my husband. Little did I know at the time, that he was a nut job. He wouldn't let anybody look inside the partially built 2 story home that he STARTED in 2003 and never finished because he's got stuff laying everywhere and they might trip and sue him. Nevermind that NOBODY wants to show that listing because the house has been OPEN TO THE ELEMENTS for 6 years. ICK! It wouldn't pass inspection. When I tried to explain to him that it was overpriced, I kept getting the "You're the professional" comment from him but he NEVER took any of my advice. Oh, I could go on and on...but I won't. You get the idea.

I am loving your series, by the way! I had gotten out of blogging consistently until recently and I figured I'd pop over and see how you have been. Hope all is going well with you and your precious family. Take care!

Apr 16, 2009 05:23 AM