Reading Randy Prothero's post, Is There A Skunk In Your Office, which I was lead to by TLW's comment on The Interactive Business Meeting, I kept thinking about the way my wife and I are raising our children. This all starts at home.
I wish I could say the following was my idea, but it was my wife's idea.
My wife came to me when our second son was very young and said, "I don't like the idea of bad words. I think it makes it too easy for us not to take responsibility. Words aren't good or bad, it's how we use them and react to them that give them their power. Can we do something different with our children?" I obviously agreed with her assessment, words are just words. We assign them power.
In Our House There Are No Bad Words, Only Strong Words.
With that innocent conversation, the concept of "strong words" was born. There are lots of words on our strong word list, many of them would not even be considered "bad" words in other households. Words like "always" and "never" are on the strong words list. It's not that they can't say them, they just have to understand how to use them correctly. Words like "hate," "stupid," and "shut up" are on the list as well. Again, using them requires accuracy and you must be able to back up your use. They know that if we say "hate" in a sentence, it's strong, and we mean it. The same goes for "stupid" and many other strong words. Changing from "bad" to "strong" has helped us focus the discussions on intent and meaning and purpose. We have taken the power from the words and put it in our children's hands. It's been wonderful. In addition, the strong words conversations that we are able to initiate have changed the way we talk as adults, not only in our house, but in our daily lives as well.
We recently added "I Promise" To The Strong Words List
In fact, "I promise" was given one of our harshest labels... it's on the "Turner's Don't Say That" list along with the word "can't." Why? Because we shouldn't have to say "I promise." If we say what we mean and mean what we say, it's at best redundant. They are not allowed to ask us if "we promise" and they are not allowed to say "I promise." Not in our house. Not in our earshot. The lesson is simple... if you say it, you mean it. Period. There is no need to "promise" something if you've said it. If we, as parents, say it, we don't need to promise. We mean it.
Strong Words & The Code Of Ethics
Randy's post this morning brought to mind a lot of recent posts on Understanding The Realtor Code of Ethics, and as I've read each one I am both happy that the code is there and sad that it must exist at all. I can only imagine that some of you feel the same way. Perhaps you're like me and are increasingly alarmed with the decline of solid manners, ethical standards and general morals in our youth. Well, they are learning them from us.
I Have No Idea How Our Little Experiment Is Going To Turn Out
Our oldest is only 12 and our other five chilren range in age from 2 to 7, so it's way too early to tell how the "strong words" experiment is going to end. I know it has made my language clearer and more explicit. I was given a little glimpse this morning at the breakfast table, however. Our Three year old was joking with his Grandmother, who is out visiting from West Virginia. She playfully said, "Oh, shut up" to him. He then politely said to her, "Gramma, you know that's a strong word, right?"
My mom laughed and apologized. She knows the drill. I was giggling to myself as I watched the scene unfold. But I was also hopeful that my kids will grow up with a full understanding about how they use words, the importance of saying what you mean and meaning what you say, and a strong desire to see others live up to their own standards. I have hope that they won't need to read a code of ethics to follow them.
If you've got some techniques you use with your kids, I'd love to hear them.
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TLW... I'll take a Robaina. : )
;)
;)
That's funny...when people say, " I hate that!"..I say, hate is a strong word...Do you really hate it or do you dislike it?
Scott