Two rats met late one December afternoon in 2007 to discuss a mortgage. BUYER RAT had been referred to MORTGAGE RAT by their mutual friend, REALTOR RAT.
"I want to buy cheddar cheese," said Buyer Rat, "but I need a loan. What is your rate, Mortgage Rat?"
"Ah, Buyer Rat, I see you have not bought any cheese lately. No longer is it about a rate. Now they make you go though a Rat's maze before you can get your cheese."
"What do you mean a Rat's Maze? Give me my rate! I want my cheese! Realtor Rat said you could help me get my cheese."
Now we all know that rats are pretty smart and can figure out mazes. So with Mortgage Rat taking the lead, both rats began navigating the Mortgage Maze to find a way to the cheese.
Since Buyer Rat had only a small amount of cash stashed away, they began down the path of a 90% loan. OOPS! Dead end. Buyer Rat's credit score of 675 was too low for a 90% loan.
"What?" whined Buyer Rat. "Last time I got a 100% loan with a 630 score!" Mortgage Rat pleaded with him to be patient. "This is why they call it a called a maze", he explained. So they turned around in search of another another path through the maze.
This time, the path was clearly marked with a sign that said "90% loans okay with LESS than a 680 score!"
They hurried down the new path with much optimism. Yet soon another dead end appeared! Sure, a 90% loan was fine with a 675 score, but this path required that Buyer Rat make enough money to PAY BACK the loan.
"What? I didn't need to show them how much money I made last time," wailed Buyer Rat. Mortgage Rat sighed, not even attempting to explain, and led Borrower Rat back once again. "I'm smart," he thought to himself. " I can do this. I AM a rat, after all."
Soon, another path appeared to be a promising way out.... "No proof of income, 675 score, and 90% loans"...this direction----> Finally!
When they got to the end of this path, Buyer Rat had to check the box that applied to continue: will this cheese be your primary source of nourishment, or merely a supplement?" Buyer Rat admitted that cheese was not his main source of food. Mainly, he ate nuts and seeds.
Sorry, but we only loan money on cheese if it is your PRIMARY source of nourishment. But here are directions to a path within the maze that should get you your 90% loan, with your 675 score, without disclosing your income, on your secondary source of nourishment.....
Both rats were becoming weary. Not only that, Realtor Rat was now calling, demanding to know if Mortgage Rat has found a way out of the maze. Realtor Rat moaned, "What is taking so long? You used to do this in 24 hours, Mortgage Rat!"
"Sure", thinks Mortgage Rat, "That was when there WAS no Mortgage maze. Just a couple of clear paths and all you had to do was choose one. Even a mouse (with inferior intelligence) could figure out how to get cheese back then"
The rats carefully followed the directions until they could actually see the cheese at the end of a long tunnel. Elated, they rushed towards the cheese, only to notice a big sign had been placed on the cheese: Cheddar cheese has been declared a "distressed" cheese, and we will no longer loan money on Cheddar Cheese.".
It had taken so long to get through the maze that the price of cheddar cheese had gone down. Now Buyer Rat STILL couldn't get enough of a loan to buy his cheese, and he had been in the maze for days.
"FINE", thought Buyer Rat. "I will just go home and eat my seeds. There must be SOME reason cheese is going down in value! I'll just wait to buy any cheese!"
"FINE", thought Mortgage Rat. "I will just go back to my office and see if I can find a rat out there with one blue eye and one brown eye. Obviously that's what it takes to get through the #$%&* Mortgage Maze."
"FINE", thought Realtor Rat. "Now I have to tell the seller of the cheese that it is worth much less today than what they paid. And they even aged their cheese for 2 years! Isn't that supposed to make it worth more money?"
And nearly every rat in the kingdom was skinny that winter of 2007.
Luckily, rats are pretty smart, and highly adaptable.
;)
;)
