I was recently going through some notes from a seminar that I attended in August of this year. It was a 7 day seminar, so there were a lot of notes!
As I was reading through them there was a sentence that has made a significant impact on me: Failed relationships are a result of unmet strategies and negative past experiences. At first I thought, what the heck does that mean? What strategy? Which experiences? I continued thinking about it and then mentioned it to my Wife. Not the biggest mistake I've ever made, but it deserves an honorable mention! She thought I was nuts. So, this evening my daughter spilled grape juice on our white couch. My Wife was diligently cleaning it as I mentioned that we could just have it re-upolstered later on. She was a little caught up in the moment of the juice on the white couch, so she let me have it... again. This time stating that she didn't even want to get into it w/ me since I had mentioned a few times that a white couch w/ 2 children under the age of 4 wasn't the smartest choice we've made. I'm not right in my house very often, so when I am, she gets a little defensive. So what did I do? I shut my mouth and helped her clean it up.
As I was helping her clean the couch, it dawned on me, she was reacting to a negative past experience! A clue? That got me thinking even more about that sentence. If relationships fail due to unmet strategies and negative past experiences (i.e. baggage brought to the relationship), then relationships would succeed more often if we understood the strategy (what the other person wants) and what negative things had happened to them in the past when trying to obtain it. I'm certain that this is really simple for most people, but I sort of need it spelled out.
The sentence didn't define what type of relationship. It could be any relationship. Your spouse, your children, friends, or even.......your potential clients! What if we all did a little extra digging and found out what their strategy was? What is it that they really want? Sure, if they are coming to us they typically want a house or some money. That's obvious. Though what if we delicately asked a few more questions. Like why that house? Why that amount of money? Why that neighborhood? If we new more about what it is they want, and why they want it, then how to get it will be a lot easier. Particularly if they verbalize it to you and themselves. Then comes the interesting part. What if we determined whether or not they had any negative experiences in the past that had anything to do with what we are trying to obtain for them. i.e. the house of their dreams, the mortgage, etc. Couldn't we more elegantly guide them towards what they do want if we have a clearer picture of what they don't want? The last thing I want my clients to experience is any pain or discomfort when going through a transaction with me, or anyone I'm affiliated with. So it makes sense to determine in the beginning what they expect and what they want to avoid. The last thing I want to do is go into a diatribe about Fixed Interest Only mortgages when the only thing they will consider is a 15 year fixed. Makes sense right?
Amazing what a sentence can do.
All the best,
Rob
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